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4 entries this month
 

The Keys

01:33 May 13 2009
Times Read: 659




The day had started out normal. I drove my truck into work, parked it and realized as the door slammed shut I had locked the keys inside. Yes, normal for me I should add. I rolled my eyes and went straight for the phone inside the elementary school where I was hired as a part time janitor during the day.



I enjoyed it. I got my daily dose of hugs and shy smiles from the kids who were in kindergarten up to fifth grade. Its when they go into junior high you cant stand them.



I went to the office and Jackie was working. I put my purse on the counter and rummaged in it. A purse I normally don’t carry. I am not all that girly. Drives people nuts. So the day I decide to be “girly” I lock my keys in the truck. I gave up trying to be discreet looking for the gas station’s phone number down the street, so I just dumped my life out on the counter, looking for the number I had stashed in there some time ago.



Jackie came over, smelling of Red Door perfume. Knowing I cant stand the smell of it. She wears it just to aggravate the hell out of me and I enjoy telling her it smells like roach spray. Might not attract a man but all the bugs she wants I tell her. She was looking at me and trying to keep a straight face. I know that look. it’s the look that says “ I know what you did”



“locked your keys in the truck again did you?” she drawled. I pretended I didn’t hear her as I finally found the number. No way I was going to lie out of it. I’m the worst liar I know. My mother would tell you that. I never could get away with anything. But my younger sister was a genius at it. I would be grounded as she was going out the door.



My best defense was a good offense I’d like to think. “yes, Jackie” I replied. But this time I left them in there on purpose” She laughed and handed me the phone. I dialed the number and it began to ring. A man answered on the second ring. I asked if they could send a man down with a slim jim to unlock it. He said he could and asked what make and model and color of the car. “ its not a car” I replied. “ a 95 ford ranger xlt” The line went silent. “ wouldn’t be purple by any chance would it?” He asked. I rolled my eyes and said “its parked in the lot here at Harrison Elementary.” I put my hand over the reciever and asked Jackie to call Aaron, my boss over the intercom to tell him I’d be there in a moment. She laughed and went to the intercom. “Um yes“, I replied back to the voice on the phone. “didn’t I just unlock that same truck last week? In the same spot?” he asked. Oh god they know me on a first name basis. “ok, ok, yes its me Sam, Arissa” I said.

“ thought that was you” he laughed. I could do without the jokes this morning. “ok I be up in about twenty minutes” I smiled into the phone. “ten bucks gonna cover it Sam?” I asked “sure“ he said. Oh by the way, I won the bet” “what bet?” I asked.



“the bet that I made with Jake that you would be calling this week” “ glad Jake still has some faith in me” I laughed. “not really” he replied “he thought you would call Monday” Ok I made it to Thursday so sue me. I thought.



We hung up and my ride and keys would be secure. I knew I would be catching hell for it all day. So I made the announcement in the office first crack I heard. I was not buying lunch!



I hadn’t seen Jake in a while and thought about sneaking out to say hello but nah, didn’t want to seem pushy. So I went about my day. At the end of the day, when all the good natured jokes ended I headed to the office where Jake had left my keys. I picked them up and went out to my truck and found a red rose on the windshield and another note with it. I smiled and opened up the note. The note was short and sweet and read,



Hi Arissa,

Just one question.

are you sure your not a blond? Give me a call before you lock them in.

fifty bucks richer

Jake.



I laughed as I got into the truck and fired it up. As I put the red rose to my nose and inhaled. Hey, I got something out of the deal, My keys and a red rose. I turned the horses loose in the truck and headed home.





Copywrite by Lady Of Dragonrose(Cindy Brehm)

March 2009



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Dying Is Easy

01:31 May 13 2009
Times Read: 660




I had tried to keep my eyes open, I heard sounds muffled around me. As hard as I tried, could not make sense of words that they were saying. People in white and different colors were moving around me. I could smell this one or that one’s perfume. I was so cold. I wanted to just be warm and to sleep.



I heard the soft beeping sound of a machine; I turned my head toward the sound and fought to open my eyes, wires leading from the machine to my heart, keeping a regular but slow pace.

“Wonderful” I managed to murmur. A nurse bent over my bed asking did I need anything. I managed to get the words out “cold” she smiled reassuringly and went to fetch me a heated blanket. As she laid it over me, I could feel the heat radiating from it and I clutched it, grateful that I would at last be warm. I hoped I had smiled my thanks as I held it to myself and curled up in a fetal position. Not caring for anything but to sleep.



I drifted off, going somewhere I have never been before. I saw my dad; he smiled and shook his head. Reaching out to him, I just wanted to hug him and tell him how much I had missed him since he left. He backed up as if to say not now. Figures, dad was not the huggy, kissy type of dad. Firm in his resolution to reform me, the wayward daughter who never really meant harm to anyone but herself. As often as he tried. I knew deep down he loved me but not one to express it and that was ok. Rick was there, standing just with that silly grin on his face. I could not tell, but I think he was laughing at me as he used to before he died. Would not doubt it. I gave that man enough to laugh about.



I had read once that dying was easy, and that living was harder. No truer words were ever spoken. I was not sure if I was dying, but if this was what it was like, I did not care any more. I just wanted to be left alone; I had said my greatest fear in life was dying alone. Not to have anyone close to me. I realized did not matter. We come into this world alone and that is how we leave it. We leave those behind that we love. We can take the love with us but that is it. Wasn’t such a bad trade off I mused in my dream No pain, just to slip through that soft velvet door. It is on the other side of that door or not there that frightens most people.



At one point, I felt the sting of a needle being pushed into my arm, too tired to even care, the snap of the rubber tourniquet being pulled away. The smell of rubbing alcohol touched my nose. Noises that just would not go away. People walking back and forth. Just let me sleep I wanted to scream. Then it hit me. Not to just sleep. “just let me go” I said softly to anyone who could hear me. I wanted to go home. But where was home? I had lived with my grandmother. At almost 41 I had no proper home of my own. I had managed to lose three homes in a year. Down sizing most of my possessions to a few cardboard boxes.



And here I was, goddess knows what was wrong with me. didn’t have a clue except I was coughing, coughing badly and just couldn’t stay warm. It was the beginning of summer, ninety five in the sun and my teeth were chattering. For three days I laid in bed, knowing this wasn’t the flu. Fourth day my aunt managed to take me to urgent care where I promptly hit the floor, my blood pressure almost non existent. Resulting in a very quick and expensive ambulance ride just around the corner to the hospital. I remember thinking, I have never passed out in my life and this isn’t good. I heard the girl taking my blood pressure and saying out loud this isn’t right. She read out the numbers, I knew what it meant. I heard the doctor say put her feet up and why do we do that? I felt like a lab experiment at that point. The correct answer class, is to let the blood rush back to her heart.



I flashed back to my wedding, both of them. The day my girls were born, every point in my life that meant something to me I saw in my minds eye. Why? To remind me that I did have a life and to say it wasn’t all bad. I think its our way of saying goodbye. I was ready. didn’t want to suffer life anymore. Its hard. Death is an easy way out. Taking your own life is one thing. That takes planning. And takes utter despair to do that.

This was taken out of my hands and I was grateful. don’t ask why I just was. To know that it was coming to an end was in its own way a blessing.



Hours later as far as I could tell I woke up in a hospital room. Wires and iv’s in my arm, a hospital gown I was dressed in. the tv was on, the sound turned down. The constant beeping of the machine, letting those at the desk know my heart was yes, still beating. My family, consisting of my two sisters, my two daughters and my mother were all gowned in yellow and wore masks. I guessed then I was in isolation. My mother told me I was being treated for a staph infection that had gotten into my bloodstream and for pneumonia and bronchitis with asthma thrown in the mix. Basically I was very sick and if I had waited one more day would have surely died. Oh I told my mom I was on my way out. I knew I was. And I told her I didn’t care. I just wanted to go.





That’s been nine years ago. I say when its my time. They will have to drag me kicking and screaming from this place. I’m not ready. But in truth. I think back to the moment when it hit me that I was so ready. The quiet and gentle moment that I wanted to slip through. Leave this place the same way I came into this world. Who knows what I will be feeling then. But I wasn’t afraid that’s what has stuck with me. I wasn’t afraid. Dying is easy, its living that’s harder.



COMMENTS

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Last Dance

01:29 May 13 2009
Times Read: 664




“She says baby, it‘s three Am” Rob Thomas crooned from the jukebox. Friday signaled the end of the workweek and time to kick back and party. I stood behind the bar, looking out to the dance floor. Jay’s band had just set up and was doing a sound check, when I saw Jay’s smile, as I looked his way. He got on the microphone and asked did I have a request, I smiled and said no but did he and the guys want something to drink? He asked for a beer as the rest of the band did and I turned to get the bottles out of the cooler. I opened them and took them around the bar to them.



The bar was starting to fill up, and I recognized many of my friends that had walked in to sit at their regular spot. Some good natured grins and laughter for me as I wound my way toward the stage, I handed Jay and the guys the beer and went to turn away, Jay reached out and touched my shoulder and asked if I would save the last dance for him later in the evening. I laughed and said I would think about it. He smiled and remarked that he loved the outfit I had on and I replied “you say that to all the girls, the night isn’t over yet and I’m was sure some pretty young thing would be waiting outside near your truck later“. He held his hand over his heart and said that I wounded him. “Yeah right” I said. I laughed and walked away. I had a grin on my face as I went back behind the bar and began to make drinks.



I had already been on my feet a good eight hours before Jay and the guys had shown up. As my night bartender called off. I had called Max the owner and told him since there was only she and I that I would cover for her. Being the bar manager I had seriously considered firing her, but seeing as she was my roommate really could not afford to have her lose her job.



I had gotten the bar manager’s job as Barb the manager before me decided to quit when the bar had gotten broken into some months back. Suspicion being what it is in a small town, was the main reason. Only four people who had a key, Barb, Max, Marcy and I, Marcy had worked that night, made the drop along with her paycheck Locked up, and went home. I got the call around four in the morning, as I was off work that night and was doing what a girl does, I was lying in bed and he was definitely worth taking the night off for.



Marcy text messaged my phone with the urgent message, “ Max needs you here…Now!”

I got up and got dressed to the sounds of him asking me not to go. I had to. I leaned over gave him a kiss and said id be back. The bar was up the street and around the corner from where I lived. I was there in two minutes. Barb showed up and instead of cooperating, she quit on the spot. Last, we heard she had moved out of town the following week. I voluntarily gave my fingerprints to the police and was asked where I was and could I verify it. I handed the idiot my phone and said he is at my place. So I was cleared along with the others, Barb was no where to be found.



And ever since ran this place. In truth, I loved the atmosphere and the business aspects of it. Max was never around when a crisis reared its head. I managed to put the fires out best I could and tried to make a profit. And I got some kind of perverse pleasure out of throwing out men bigger than I was

.

I enjoyed going around to the different bars and listening to the bands that might end up playing at our place. Jay’s band was considered the best metal band around and we made his band our house band. He could play just about every instrument there was and could sing, He only did it as a hobby, he never thought it would take him anywhere. By day, he worked at the steel plant in the next town. On the weekends, he was card carrying, black leather, head banging heavy metal dude.





The small town girls fell in love with him and was not hard to figure out why. During the week Jay and Derek, who played drums would come in the bar at least twice over the week leading up to Fridays. Marcy had a thing for Derek who behind the drums was a maniac but was so shy I could not understand why. I would tease him and tell him that I thought it was an act.



Lurch, our DJ during the week had strolled in with his girlfriend Lisa, she just found out she was pregnant much to Lurch’s disappointment but had sucked it up and took his responsibility like a man and asked her to marry him. They had not set a date yet and they both seemed like they were happy.



He was called Lurch for a reason he stood about six three and for a person that tall could really dance, he taught the dance steps that were in style at the time, Everyone loved his good natured humor and he got along with just about anyone that came in.





He held up two fingers and I shook my head to let him know I understood. One beer and a coke. I made the orders and took the drinks to his table. He smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek as Lisa waited to give me the traditional girlfriend hug while Lurch went to talk to Jay, She and I made the usual small town talk, how is your mama and your sister/brother/grandmother?



I turned around to walk back when Jay gave the signal that they were ready. I turned off the jukebox and went up on stage to introduce them. I hated getting up on stage and everyone knew it. I bitched so much one night, dreading it that Max had said if I didn’t do it, he would show the tape of me trying to learn to toss the bottles like in coyote ugly, where I accidentally hit him in the head with a bottle causing three stitches. I had forgotten the security cameras were rolling. Ok fine, blackmail does work.



Jason and Buddy, holding court in the corner booth with Ally and Connie, could not shut up as I went to open my mouth. I hate being the center of attention but soon realized as a barmaid in some ways you are a celebrity, not as much as the boys in the band but you get popular for making drinks. Who knew? Jason yelled out if I wanted to see his “Scooby snack” I looked him in the eye and said “Nah, I don’t do miniature’s” which everyone lost it. So I said I did not do comedy and introduced the band and the night began.





Jay introduced their first song as request from Lurch and Lisa to me. I laughed when he broke out into “Pour some sugar on me” by def leppard. I watched him sing as I did a little dance behind the bar. I sang along while mixing the drinks and making change and doing what a barmaid does on a busy night.

The night was hopping as people came and went, the smoke in the bar and the smells is what I lived for on the weekend. I loved that place, where I had some success and a few failures, it was a small town bar, where most of the people I went to school either with or in some way grew up with and that was cool





That night was calmer than most, no fights and I did not have to bar anyone out that night. At one, I called last round use em or lose em. At two, I started taking drinks and washing the glasses as people started to leave. Jay and the guys had just finished and were packing up. I had turned on the jukebox and was playing closing time by green day. At two thirty, told everyone thanks we love you but you can’t stay here.



Some where staggering on their way out the door, some were laughing and heading out for another party. Was invited to a few small private parties but too tired. The boys from the band headed out to load up the truck as Jay walked over and sat down. He watched as I counted out the register and placed the drop in the box along with the receipts. I smiled as I filled two cups with fountain coke and came around and sat down next to him. It felt good to sit down.





His green eyes never leaving my face as we laughed and talked about the night’s events. Derek came back in and said the truck was loaded and that he was heading on home. The other two guys had left already, and did Jay have anything for him to do? Jay said told him no and said to go on home that they all did an awesome job. He smiled and wished us a goodnight and left. I followed Derek and said Marcy is waiting on you I laughed. I locked the door. Leaving Jay and I alone. I smiled and went to unplug the jukebox box, he walked up behind me and smiled and said not yet. I had promised him a dance. I could not say no to those green eyes.





He pushed a few buttons and led me out under the glitter ball hanging from the ceiling to the dance floor, I smiled as the song “My Girl” came on and we began to dance under the lights dimmed down, the different colors bouncing off the ball sending shimmering blues and greens softly on the dark paneled walls. His hand went around my waist softly, pulling me to him tightly as we slowed danced. His breath, blowing softly in my ear as I cradled my head on his shoulder. I could feel his heart beating. I think mine was louder.



When the song finished he leaned down and kissed my lips softly. As he pulled away, he said let’s go home. We locked up the bar and walked toward the truck, my house key, silver in the moonlight hung from his key chain as he unlocked the door for me and we headed home for a little party of our own.





Copyright by Lady Of Dragonrose (Cindy Brehm)

March 26, 2009







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A Deep Kiss

01:27 May 13 2009
Times Read: 665




I am there, standing in the shadows. Just watching. The music was all around me. Trying to tune it out and listen to the one I had been tracking. He was sitting at a table with four other men. His hair was long and black. He hadn’t shaved and I could tell he had been operating on no sleep.



“good” I said to myself. I had been looking for this one for a few weeks. I tuned into what he was saying. Our last meeting he wouldn’t remember. “I’m telling you man, something isn’t right” he said to the short man on his left. I walked in and made my way to the table a few feet away from him, I had met this man a month before. Planned of course. I thought now back to our first meeting. His personality had drawn me to him. He was so sure of himself as he approached me that night, Asking the same questions, what was my name and where did I come from? Same old, same old. I wasn’t interested in the conversation. He had something I wanted.



He offered to buy a drink. I smiled and said “I don’t drink“. “Oh? You come out to a club and don’t drink? Highly unusual he said. “ I come for the atmosphere and company” I replied. Of course we chatted. But we had one thing on our minds. Oh I had something completely different, however mine varied. I am not one to quibble on details. He asked if I wanted to go back to his apartment and I said yes. We left and went to a building not far from the club we just left. An elevator ride to the fourth floor and then he led me to his door. He leaned me into the wall next to his door, his hands on either side of my shoulders, he leaned in for a kiss, his knee between by legs, pushing them apart while his tongue hunted for mine. I could feel his heart pounding. His scent filling my nose. I fought the urge to do him in the hallway. I broke the kiss and said want to finish this in there?



He smiled as if that was the best idea he had heard all night. He opened the door to his place, a rather small apartment with that lived in bachelor look. His bedroom was off to the left of the kitchen. The bathroom at the other end of the short hallway. I pretended to look and said what a nice place.



I turned to him and began to kiss his neck, letting my tongue dance on his skin, I could feel the shivers down his spine. His hands were busy unbuttoning my clothes and finding the zipper to my dress. Shedding my clothes and kissing my skin that was exposed. He growled slow and sexy in his throat and his fingers began to explore my body. He stopped and led me to the bedroom where he laid me back on his bed to watch him undress.



He took his time as he laid next to me, Then reaching for me roughly and began to make love to me. I pushed him over on to his back, kissing and licking. His moans became louder as I slid on top of him, looking down on him. His hands on my hips holding me to him. I smiled as I leaned down and began to kiss his neck. Licking and sucking as his hands moved up and down on my skin. I could feel his heartbeat. I closed my eyes as I let the urge take over. I let my teeth sink into his neck and his startled yelp as he felt them. His blood was soon touching my lips as I latched on and began to suck, teasing the blood to come to my lips.. He began to breath deeply and slowly. His hands clutching at me, trying to push me off. I growled and closed my eyes letting the sweet taste take me down. I knew I had to stop at the moment I felt him go limp. I stopped, letting him go as his body made a thump sound against the mattress, His eyes beginning to glaze over as he laid there. I leaned over, biting my lower lip, letting the blood heal the two small fang marks on his neck and disappearing into his skin. I dressed slowly



enjoying the feeling that his blood had given me.

Knowing he would have no memory of this when he woke up. If he woke up at all.

I leaned over and kissed his still lips. Thanking him for his unsolicited gift. I turned on my high heels, their clicking sounds loud on the marble floor as I walked to the door and went back out into the night, Knowing I would be back.





I smiled remembering the sounds he was making as I drank him in. I looked over at his table, letting his eyes make contact with mine. He stopped talking and just watched me as I stared back into his eyes, knowing he couldn’t stop was about to happen. I love the chase. He just didn’t know how much. All I wanted to do was give a deep Kiss…





Copyright by Lady Of Dragonrose(Cindy Brehm)

March 26th 2009





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