Now I get it. I've read the whinning about getting told you got one rating and then finding out they really rated lower. It's really kind of funny. I have a couple like that. Now that I know they really rated a one instead of a 10, what do I do about it? OK, I am laughing.
Sure I wish all my ratings were a 10, but it really doesn't matter. Ya wanna know what bugs me? Why did they lie to me? I hate liars. But if they didn't like my profile, why not just say so? I'm not going to go and rerate them lower or anything like that. I will just sit here and laugh at them. Oh, but because they lied. I may just block them. Hmmmmm, is it worth it? LOL It's really just toooooo funny!
"Ooooohhhh, what happened?" Roz rubbed his aching head. "Where the hell am I?"
He stood up groggily and looked around. It was rather dark and smelled like earth worms. Looking up, he saw the blue sky far overhead and...oh,yeah, NAKED WOMEN.
"What has that damn Vulash gotten me into this time?" he asked brushing dirt from his clothes.
The faces that had been looking down at him disappeared. From out of the sky a rope fell and landed at his feet. He hesitated only a monent before climbing to the top.
"Hello ladies." he greeted the women waiting for him as he stood up.
"Bring him." one of them ordered.
This time, he followed without a struggle. It might be less painful to comply. And maybe he could find out what had happened to his old buddy Vulash.
They brought him to a shallow lake where several of the women were splashing in the water.
"Come join us." two lovely, well tanned women beckoned.
He stripped down and waded right out to where they stood.
"My what a handsome man you are." the red head cooed.
"So big and strong." agreed the blonde.
Before long the whole group was splashing in the lake. That's what was happening when Vulash arrived with Sapphire.
"My, your friend certainly seems to be treating my tribe very well." she observed.
"Yea, he must have had his Viagra today." Vulash mumbled.
"Vulash, old buddy, where the hell you been?" Roz asked as soon as he saw him standing on the shore.
"I've been entertaining Sapphire." he told him. "I see you're doing alright for yourself."
"There's plenty to go around. Come on in and join the party." Roz laughed.
Hours later as Vulash lay beside the fire, he turned to Roz and said:"I never thought I'd say this, but I think I need a vacation from this vacation."
"Not me." Roz sighed contentedly. "I think I've finally found my new home."
"If we stay, I don't think we'll have to worry about dying of old age." Vulash commented.
"Nah, but who needs old age when you have all the wenches you could ever need." Roz smiled into the fire.
"Yea, wenches. Oh my aching..." vulash began to complain. But Roz was snoring with the biggest smile on his face.
"Ok, we're lost." Vulash said to his buddy Roz.
"No shit, Sherlock." declared Roz. "Don't we get lost every year when we camp out here?"
"We don't get lost my friend. We have adventures." Vulash stated. "There's a big difference."
"Well, my feet are killing me, the bugs are driving me crazy, and if I have to listen to one more of your 'hiking' songs, I'm going to have to strangle you and bury you out here in these god forsaken woods!" Roz swore through gritted teeth.
"Now, now buddy, it's going to be alright. I think I see a cabin or something just ahead." Vulash reassured him.
They walked on through the underbrush. Luckily, Vulash had his trusty imaginary machete to clear the path.
"Hey quiet down, butthead. What are those people doing?" Roz asked in a hushed tone as he smacked Vulash on the arm.
They peered through the branches of a tree at a group of women, NAKED WOMEN!
"Whoa, this must be our lucky day!" Vulash exclaimed leering at the lovely bodies before him.
"MMMMM, buffet time." Roz drooled.
Just then, a scream cut throught the air and they were pushed to the ground by bodies landing on top of them from behind.
"What are you doing here male vermin?" screeched a female who stood before them.
"Uh...we're lost?" Vulash volunteered.
"Scum!" she growled. "Take them to the pit."
Roz lashed out to fight off the females, but one of the women knocked him out with a blow from the club she carried. Vulash wisely decided to go along peacefully.
"After you, beautiful." he grinned. She just growled at him.
They threw Roz into the pit where he landed with a thump.
"Wait!" Vulash pled with the leader, a stunning beauty. "Can't we talk about this? Maybe I could be of some use to you."
She looked him over, slowly. "Strip." she demanded.
"Well, I never strip on first dates." he replied.
She prodded him with her club.
"I'll bet you're a real turn on if you smile, honey." he quipped.
"STRIP NOW."
"Ok, ok sheesh. Can't a guy have a second?" he began to shed his clothes quickly.
The leader began to laugh. ALL of the women began to laugh.
"I see why you're wearing the skins." she gasped.
"Hey now, it's not like it seems. I'm a little nervous here out in the open like this." he stammered.
"Take him to my sleeping chamber." she commanded. "I'll see if anything comes up there."
Well, at least it looked better than the pit. He didn't know whether to lie on the leaves or stay standing, so he decided to stand.
"Well, little one, when will the excitement begin?" she purred.
"Where I come from, we have rituals. Don't you have rituals?" Vulash stalled for time.
"What are these rituals?" she asked.
"For one, we exchange names."
"I do not wish to change my name." she said.
"No, no, I mean I tell you my name...skip it. My name is Vulash. What's yours?" he asked
"I am called Sapphire."
"There, see that wasn't so hard."
"I see." she said looking at his, uh, yea well, you know.
"Listen, guys don't talk. They do this." with that he grabbed her and started kissing her passionately.
Well, let's just say, things got "better" after that.
"Aw man, I need a cigarette." Vulash declared when the screaming in ecstacy faded away.
She looked at him with smouldering eyes and passed him a very strangely familiar wrapped item.
"Yea, this is the life. I could live like this forever." Vulash declared exhaling slowly.
Suddenly he felt something cold clamp around his privates. "And you shall, my slave. No male leaves the tribes of the lusty Sapphire until his seed is spent." she declared.
"Ah, the trials I must endure for being such a gifted male." he smiled smuggly.
"Well, maybe your friend will be able to handle more than one of us at a time." Sapphire shrugged.
The End
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