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In a whiskey moment, hell bound,

I looked for salvation, but none was found.

My depressed state I couldn’t stand,

so quickly I became the devils right hand.

With anger and rage I vowed to kill,

my heart was in it but yet my feet stood still.

My mind chaotic, a complete mess,

I’m not so sure I wasn’t demon possessed.

I grabbed a hold of my jack and coke,

then mumbled to myself, you fucken bastard I hope you choke.

I drank down the shot as quick as I can,

then cursed again at that cold hearted man.

Why didn’t he love me, couldn’t he care enough?

I let him have his way with me, even when he was rough.

I walked out the door and let it slam shut,

I glanced back one more time at the broken down hut.

The pistol felt cold within my hand,

it was time to end the pain and curse of this man.

I entered his house and boldly I stood,

in front of the man, as calm as I could.

My mind silenced and the sound was none,

my entire focus was the man and my gun.

Years of abuse flooded my mind,

and even through all that, he couldn’t love me, not one time.

The man looked arrogant as if I wouldn’t shoot,

then laughed out loud at me then said “cute”.

I pulled the hammer back and watched his eyes widen with realization,

I was going to blow this bastard away from here to damnation.

“You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know I really care,

how can you point that gun at me after all in life we have shared?”

His pleas went unheard as my mind stayed clear,

I remembered how many time he ravaged my body with his breath smelling of beer.

My stomach turned with just the mere thought,

he didn’t care about the pain and agony he had wrought.

“I was 13 when you started your lies,

touching me in places you shouldn’t and telling me not to ask why.

My parents didn’t know the abuse even existed,

because you threatened their life if I ever resisted.

You made me feel cheep and used and unworthy of love,

you better start preying now to your righteous God above.

He never heard my pleas,

when I was down in front you upon my knees.

But maybe your different maybe he will spare your life,

after all you do have a child and a loving wife.

I hate you for taking everything from me,

my pride, my dignity and most of all my virginity.

I hope you soul will burn in hell forever,

and you better prey to your God that you see me there never.”

The explosion was loud within my ears,

as I watched the bullet hit the man through my fallen tears.

I felt a cold chill run through me to the core,

as I watched the man I hated fall to the floor.

I stood there for a moment and let my anger fade away,

then looked out the window as night turned to day.

There was only one more thing left for me to do,

I have nothing left to live for and prison I couldn’t live through.

I picked up the pistol and held it to my head,

I knew in reality I would be better off dead.



The loud ring of the gun awoke me from my sleep,

and I was thankful that my nightmare had only been a bad dream.





Sexual abuse happens everyday to a child, please pay attention to the children you know.

Remember you never really know someone like you think you do. Your neighbor could

be a sex offender and the next victim could be your child, or maybe even you......

Is it possible to wake up one morning and just decide you just don't feel like loving anymore? Is it possible to wake up one morning and realized that your life has no meaning and the fun you had is no more?

Is it possible for it to be over as fast as it began? It is possible that the man you longed to live with is now no longer even your friend?

Is it possible that every beginning starts with a bang. Is it possible that the ending always ends with hurt and shame?





This has nothing to do with me or Rob,, its just something that I woke up thinking about..