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Ugh I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm just in one of those moods where I'm tired of trying so hard. It's like I don't even get to pick my life, everyone else has it planned for me and I never get a say in it. I'd think that with me doing so much better now, that I'd have more freedom, but apparently not. I'm just so exhausted. Exhausted actually doesn't even begin to cover this. I just want to sleep forever. I don't ever want to get up again. I'm tired of living for everyone else, and not even being able to make myself happy.

And on top of that, I just feel like a fucking disease. No one wants to be with me. And the ones that do are the ones that are the worst for me. I can't go back to Bob or Nailz. And the people I do want, don't want me. They just want to fuck me and then be on their way. It just hurts to know that that's all people think I'm worth. It hurts to know that no one wants to be with me, only fuck me. I just wish someone would love me. I just wish that someone would treat me like they actually give a damn. I really just wish that I still had something to live for. I don't get why everyone's telling me I deserve better. If I'm so great, why is better so hard to find?