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i'm carrying on, just pretending nothing is wrong. i have this sword of damocles hanging over my head, but i carry on regardless, as if there was no problem.



what else am i supposed to do? the doctors are a useless bunch of tossers - the specialist says go to the doctor if you get any pains, the doctor says go to ther specialist. the both sat ingnore the problem and maybe it will go away - so im doinf just that.

damnit! just when things were starting to look promising, and my health seemed pretty good, i have another heart murmer. i wasnt even doing anything either - i was just sitting down and it grabs me by the chest. funny, it was on the right instead of the left, but minx says that can happen, and there is no way indigestion causes a pain in the shoulder and arm.



gotta face it, i'm going out.



shit.

i had a disturbing dream last night. afterwards i slept very badly and kept waking up.



i dreamed that i got a phone call from my sister - she was in a boat out at sea with a new boyfriend, who is a complete dick, and he capsized the boat. they couldn't get back in and were lost. they had called a coastguard on her mobile, but the chopper had been looking for several hours and couldn't find them.



it was now dark, and the boat was starting to sink. i tried to think of what she could do, but couldnt think of a thing, other than to find something that would burn and use her bfs lighter to start a fire to attract the chopper. then the line went dead suddenly, and i didn't know if it was because the batery was dead on her phone, or if she had dropped it in the sea, or what.



when i woke up i thought "couldn't the chopper track where the phone was" but i realise now that in real life, she would not have been close enough to a transmitter for the phone to work anyway. apparently she was miles out - too far from shore to know which way land was.



i found the dream very disturbing.

i was amused by an episode of the IT crowd the other night - the one with the computer date of your death thingy, so i did one

You Will Die at Age 58

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.