The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i cant stand this. i'm still not sure if it was a mistake to end the relationship with ursula or not. i think it would have died anyway - she is not ready for a relationship. at least, if she is telling me the whole truth, that is the case. i dont know anymore.



all i know is, i'm hurting. i was lonely before i fell for her, and sick of my meaningless empty life. but now it's worse, because there is no hope of happiness. i cant love anyone else, i cant let go of my feelings for her. i am emotionally bound to someone who will never be mine, and it is torture. i would rather die than endure this any longer.



i hoped i would get over her. okay, its only been a week since we split, but its been three weeks since i saw her last, and two weeks since i accepted that the relationship was over. but rather than getting better, each day is worse. each day i miss her more and more.



i dont think she meant to hurt me, but unwittingly, she has crushed what little spirit i had left.

i think i've made a terrible mistake. i was so sure i was being played for a fool, so sure she didnt love me. my fear grew into a paranoid delusion - despite her assurances i still felt sure she didnt want me. the more i protested that she didnt love me, the further away i pushed her. i finally cracked when she wasnt there for me on friday night, and i broke off our relationship. the next day she explained everything, and instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt - i laid into her, piling guilt onto her til she couldnt take it anymore. until then it was a problem we could have talked out - but i finally drove her away from me for good. why did i do that? i love her, i live for her. it seems i wont allow myself any happiness.

just broken up with my girlfriend - except she wasnt my girlfriend, she was someone elses - no wonder she had so many excuses for me not to go round to her place. i feel so stupid.



she messes me about, cheats on her boyfriend with me, lies to me, and then tries to make me feel bad for ending the relationship.



it hurts though - i really loved her, and i still want her.



i am totally broken - crushed. i wish i was dead.

i feel utterly wretched. my new girlfriend is tired of me already. she says she isnt, but i know different. she makes so many excuses not to see me, hardly talks to me anymore, and won't allow me to visit her. everytime we plan to go out together there is some reason not to. the few times we have been out together, she barely even looks at me. i dont know why she pretends to want me, but i know she doesnt, and it tears me apart. i wish i had the strength to walk away now - but i dont.



she says she wants to take things slowly and not rush in, but i there is a difference between taking it slowly, and avoiding all contact. she doesn't even say "i love you" in her messages anymore.



i dont know what to say to her anymore. i dont know what she wants from me. i don't know why she's doing this to me - but she must hate me for some reason.