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I actually went out with this guy Jerry last night and he was totally awesome...I didnt think about Greg even once--Jerry is a nice guy and I don't have to worry about him playing me or running home to his mommy whenever I am with him. We just went out for some drinks and stuff...we are getting together again tonight for new year's eve..it's going to be a blast!!! I have like a few parties to go to then I'm ending up at the casino for the balloon drop--yahoo!!! it's going to be fun and I cant wait to kiss Jerry at midnight...it'll be so much better then kissing Greg because at least Jerry appreciates me and compliments me....ahhh..... :)

Well Greg went back to Mississippi....he is such a player...apparrently I wasnt the only one he was telling lies to on this site...he deleted his profile on here....I bet he will be back though with a different name..he told me he would do that...I was honest to him about everything about me and he still fucked me over...I am too good for him, I have realized that...I have made some good girlfriends on this site from it though so it's not all bad....I just wish it would have worked out....I did believe his lies and they were nice to pretend we would be great but he's too much of a mama's boy for me....I like a guy with independence....oh well i will move on and do much better....

Well Greg is here and things are not like he said they would be...on the phone and online he said he loved me and couldnt wait to be with me and snuggle with me and blah blah blah and now...it's like TOTALLY not that....I feel like a fucking tour guide and babysitter for him...we don't kiss and he isnt even calling himself my boyfriend...he promised me the world before he got up here and now he gives me nothing...I just want him to go home and I will never speak to him again....he has broken my heart and I cant even look at him without feeling loathing and disgust...this is someone I did fall in love with and I was so excited about him coming up here that I could barely wait...now, he just makes me cry...he even deleted his account off of here because he thinks people will think he's a player..well, I asked him what in the fuck did he expect people to think since apparently he has done this before...I just cant stand him and want him to leave and be out of my life for good...

I am super excited and yet super nervous....I just want everything to be perfect when he gets here....I think it will be but still....I havent been on the Rave lately, just been busy with Christmas and other "life" things.....I am soooo happy Greg will finally be here...it's going to be wonderful...

Greg comes in about 4 days...i am soooo freakin excited but also nervous! I think it's all going to work out though...i cant wait to meet my love in person:)

I am super excited because Greg comes next week but also a bit nervous....I just hope everything works out ok....I guess in a week and a half I will see! I love him soooo much though so I will make it work!



I am also excited because any day now I am receiving a settlement check from Abercrombie (someone filed a lawsuit for women and minority former employees and I am receiving a check)..it's supposed to be between several hundred and several thousands of dollars so I am keeping my fingers crossed! I better get it soon...or I won't have money for christmas presents...buying presents is something I look forward to all year and I will be devastated if I am not able to on time this year...



I also love my new job! All of the kids I work with (well, they are teenagers but still kids to me) seem pretty cool and I cant wait to actually have more of an involvement with them, since all that I have been doing is reading manuals..yuck...In 3 months then I can start working full time at an in-treatment residential facility...I love helping people so I am actually craving to get in there and start doing what I love!

I am so excited---12 Days until Greg comes! I am cleaning my room right now so he'll have room for his stuff...hopefully we only live in the dorms for a short amount of time...it's gonna be tight but I think we'll survive without killing each other...I love him so much i just cant wait to finally get to kiss him....it's going to be wonderful...

I am so excited for Greg to move here in 13 days! It's just not coming fast enough...I'm also worried though...I hope he likes it here and that he likes me in person and etc etc...I know these are fears that everyone feels before they meet someone in person from the Internet but since I love him soooo much, it's especially worrysome for me....I guess in 13 days I'll have my answer...I just hope that things arent too good to be true..that he turns out to be just as wonderful in person as he is on the phone and online...I don't care if he looks different in person or any of that...I love him for him...for being sweet and caring and having the same goals as me....I'm just scared that it's going to turn out like every other ex-boyfriend of mine...I always end up the one who is heartbroken, I try to tell myself "PAIN BUILDS CHARACTER", but my character is breaking down after every failed relationship....if Greg doesnt work this one will be the final straw because I love him and noone can replace him....I don't know I'm rambling now because of nerves so I guess I'll go....

Sometimes I feel as though I wont be good enough...I mean, I am confident in myself, etc etc but the more someone has doubts about u the more you wonder if you should be doubting yourself...it sucks and its stressing me out to the point or tears and sleeplessness...

I started my new job today and I think that I am going to love it! Greg also found a job up here so only 2 more weeks and we can finally be together...I am so lonely without him....life will be complete in just a short amount of time:)

It's only 2 weeks until Greg comes down and I CANNOT wait! I think about him night and day, day and night, all of the time! When he's here then finally I can be with him for good...



I just hope things arent too good to be true...I cant handle another heartache and this one would be the last....

I really like this song...I know that it is in Cancer's profile..but when I hear this song I think about Greg...ah.....

I am so excited because I finally got a job I've been waiting for for about 3 months---basically I can finally start my careeer as a Youth Specialist with kids in a group home. This is so perfect because Greg is moving here in 16 days and now I have a job..now I just need to make sure his ass has a job..lol...



I am also SUPER psyched about him coming to live here...he is everthing I've ever wanted and needed and I know that I can be the same for him...things are coming together so nicely...

GREG IS MOVING HERE IN THE FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY INSTEAD OF IN MAY! I am so excited I can hardly wait...it's only 17 days away now! I love him so much that I just want to vomit everytime I hear his voice or see his picture...I want to be with him forever...

I am SO excited! Greg is writing his resume tonight so he can start finding a job here in St. Louis....I sooooo cant wait for him to move here...then my life will be complete...I am so in love with him that it's scary...I cant even sleep at night because I am thinking about him....I just cant wait for him to be here with me so we can start our lives together...



I also love this house system...I am trying my best to do everything I can to serve my house...we'll see how it all unfolds!!!

I LOVE GREG11! He told me 2day that his heart beats 4 me.....I cant wait til he moves here!!!

It's like only 12 degrees here...the snow looks pretty but I have to drive in that shit later...yuck...



I miss Greg and cant wait to talk to him...we talked for like hours last night while he was at work...we both said we're falling for each other...it just feels wonderful...I don't know how to describe it...he told me he wants to help me forget my ex boyfriend that I wrote about in here..he's doing a good job of it...it'll be so perfect when he moves here, then he will always be here for me and I will always be there for him...I just cant to see how far we are going to go together...

I don't understand females sometimes...well I am one and I feel bad for people in the past that I've been ignorant to..all because I was jealous or whatever...thank god I've outgrown that stage in my life!!! I don't let people bother me anymore that behave this way because why should I? I know that I am attractive and I'm a nice person (I mean come on, I'm a youth specialist for teenagers for christ's sake..lol)....



I havent done much today...just looked up apartments for me and Greg and that's about it...I'm in a great mood even though it snowed like a whole bunch and I'm confined to the indoors...



I like Greg so much it's killing me...I might go to Mississippi this weekend to see him...he's definetely coming here in January so I'm super psyched about that! Then in May he moves here--yea! I'm just so elated with the way life is going right now...I just wish May would hurry up and get here :(

I WANNA HAVE GREG11'S BABIES!

I went out with Jeff and his friends to a bar and then some strip clubs...it was a lot of fun...he told me he loved me...it was an interesting evening....I see my Dad tomorrow and I cannot wait....