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What he'll never tell you.



I've always kept my secrets

I've always kept my word

But this tale I'm about to tell you

Is much too absurd

And all just too hurtful

For me to keep inside

So I'm afraid this is one secret

That I'll have to not hide



The boy with blonde hair

and perfect blue eyes

That you can't help but love

And at the same time despise

Told me a secret

I'm afraid I must share

So that you wont feel alone

All you 'misunderstood' ones out there



The boy with the tan

The designer labels and smile

With the body of a man

Has the delicate soul of a child



I know this for sure

And I swear to the grave

He said this to me

One night in a drunken rage



Coming home from a party

He stormed up to my room

And with frustrated tears in his eyes

He showed me the truth



Pulling up the sleeves

Of his designer shirt

He showed me the scars

He told me how it hurt



He spoke of the shame

How he wanted to end it

He told me of the lies

How much he regrets it



He said he was sorry

For how much pain he had caused

To the so proclaimed 'freaks'

He had tormented in the halls



As I held him in my arms

As he shook with sobs of regret

He was silent after that

But I heard the rest of what he said



I heard the things he didn't say

Screaming out the regretfullness

I saw it in his eyes

Begging me for forgiveness

Begging for demise



For a moment I just stood there

I never thought it could be

That the perfect boy with the designer tags

Could be just like me?



But feeling the tears seeping through my shirt

I required an understanding

Of all his pain and suffering

Hidden behind the Abercrombie padding



So you can guess my utter shock

When I returned to school

To find him back to his normal personality as a Jock

Acting like a fool

Returning to his bullying

Trying to be 'cool'



I thought we really had something

Some kind of understanding

But all this boy was showing to me

Was ignorance and demanding



But as I was turning away

With misery on my face

His eyes caught mine as if to say

All he wished for was peace



And for a moment I swear

Instead of seeing a Jock

I briefly saw that broken boy

That I so easily forgot



And to this day I swear again

That if you look closely

You'll see the very things I saw

Just listen and smile openly



Because behind that confident smile

And those designer threads, too

Are the words that he so desperately hides

The things he'll never tell you.

There’s A Monster in Me



The monster in my soul

That's screaming to get out

Has a message for you to know

It wants to kill, but I won't let it out



For now I'll seethe silently with dread

Harmless yet harmful

But I cant hold it forever in my head



This monster of shame is hungry for pain

It wants revenge

It's driving me insane



How long can I keep it locked up inside?

How far will I run?

For how long can I hide?



I keep telling myself it will pass and leave

But as I look in the mirror

Revenge calls out to me



It hurts to be pushed aside

To that much I'll admit

Someday I'll lash out

I'll cave in from all this Sh*t



I hate living lies

I can't stand to pretend

But in the end it's much better

Than losing a friend



The monster in me is beginning to show

And as time passes

What I thought

Becomes what I know:



This 'monster' I speak of

That faces killing with glee

Is no monster at all

All along, it was me