Yep, so wizard & I got in a tiff tonight. He brought up that we aren't compatible. My heart is realizing it, & breaking. I have decided that going celibate & giving up dating is the best way to go. That way, I'm not giving myself to anyone, & I'm not letting myself get close to anyone again, so that means no more getting hurt. I just gotta revert back to the good old days, where my heart had never loved & I never got hurt in this way. Other ways, I can deal with, I can heal, but when it comes to letting someone in & them fucking me over, it doesn't heal, it just sits burning & hurting year after fucking year. I am now off of the market for good. I will be this way until I am 40, & then I will fucking hang myself, or get a gun & paint the wall with my brains, or I'll run a hose from the exhaust pipe of a car into the window & just fall asleep but never wake up again. The reason I say 40 is so that way, I'm not completely ugly & old when I'm dead. Goodbye my childhood dreams of being a wife. Goodbye my childhood dreams of being a mommy. Fuck it. I have my fingers, I don't need anything - or anyone else.
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