Struggling for the Energy02:12 Mar 11 2009
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From the perspective of the new spiritual awareness, we now know what happens. Love ends and evolves into a power struggle because we begin to depend on energy from each other, rather than from our own inner connection with the divine.
Let's look at the social dynamic of how this problem usually manifests. According to the old materialistic world view, a little boy grows up with a mother who cares, who nurtures him and monitors his safety. The father is more demanding: after all, the son must learn the hard truth of the world to become a man. In the child's mind, the mother becomes a magical figure. She may have to be kept at arm's length if the nurturing is too smothering, but he expects her to be there, in psychological sense, whenever his energy level goes down.
A little girl is also nurtured by the mother. But for her, the mother is also the one who is demanding, because she feels most responsible to teach the little girl the role of the woman. The father, at least in the early formative years, can be the magical figure who dotes on her and places her on a pedestal. He is always there in her fantasies to make her feel safe.
This stereotypical division of roles and perceived attitudes affects us still. We may claim that in modern world these role divisions have no meaning, but unconscious psychological programming often raises its head in relationships and becomes the basis for energy power struggles. Couples begin to find and be dissatisfied with each other because they need more from the other person than they can give.
When we first come together in love, we join our energies in a way that gives us the feeling of completeness. Our partner provides not just the memory of our nurturing parent but the feel of that relationship as well. Our fantasies project on our all-to-human partner the magical illusion we first experienced with our fathers or mothers as children. Thus, we often never see the depth of who our partner really is: we see only what we fantasize.
As the relationship progresses, that "in Love" feeling begins to wane for both partners,as each partner begins to fall short of the magical image the other has projected on him or her. The male makes financial mistakes or loses his job or is late because he went to a ball game. The female isn't there to nurture when things aren't going well. The bubble of perfection begins to collapse.
In some cases, the disappointment with our partners is so great that we immediately make plans to leave the relationship, to find another dream lover who won't let us down. In such cases, we just begin the cycle all over again. In other cases, the lovers stay together but are locked in a repetitive pattern of control drama.
Yet now, because of our expanding awareness, we have other options. We can instead choose to act based on the energy dynamics that underlie the difficulty.
INTEGRATING THE INNER MALE AND FEMALE
Until now we have spoken of transcendent or mystical experiences as the way to open up our connection with divine energy in the form of a single surge of energy that we experience as love, lightness, and security-----and so it is. But we experience this energy,it also has male and female characteristics. As Carl Jung and other noted psychologists have shown in their studies of the archetypal nature of our psyche, if we are to open up to the full potential of transpersonal awareness, we must become conscious of the integrate both the female and male aspects of our higher selves.
If we are male, in order to connect either the divine energy within, we must locate, court, and finally engage the energy of the female nurturer within our own being. If we are female, we must find the male provider and protector and risk-taker inside ourselves.
With this truth in mind,we see the male/female power struggle for what it is:symptoms of a vast problem our society has loosely called codependence. When two people come together and fall in love, they are really merging their energy fields in a way that provides the missing part of themselves-male or female. They begin to depend on that energy. As the relationship progresses, however,each begins to doubt the other and the energy levels collapse. Then both partners fall back into their respective control dramas, trying to regain the energy.
If we are to achieve lasting relationships rather than truces in the cold war, we must understand the energy dynamics involved before engaging in a romance. We all must find the opposite sexual energy within ourselves before we make ourselves available for a lasting relationship. In a sense, attaining this balance of the male and female within each of us must become as big a part of the adolescent rite of passage as graduating from high school or learning to drive. None of us can have higher-quality relationship until we become spiritually secure and complete inside.
BEING OKAY ALONE
How do we know wether we have achieved this male/female balance of energy and moved toward inner security? I believe one measure is the ability to feel secure and productive while living alone. Tis means without the roommates or other people with whom we attach ourselves every waking moment. We must be okay making our own meals and eating them not in huge spoonfuls in front of the stove, but elegantly, by candlelight,at a fully set table by ourselves. Periodically,we must be comfortable with taking ourselves out on a date-- to a movie, perhaps--wining and dining ourselves as we would another loved one.
Similarly, we must care for ourselves financially, plan for the future, negotiate our own deals, and develop our own leisure activities. The person we must rely on to be whole is the divine we find within ourselves, and this doesn't imply selfishness or a detached withdrawal from the rest of society. In fact, I would argue that we can be involved with the rest of society in a healthy way only when we integrate our full energy within.
Only then do we face the possibility of true romantic relationships. As long as we are looking for our energy to come to us from another, we will be trapped in relationships that are no more than arenas for power struggles.
I believe that the partnerships through which we play out and finally become aware of our problems of power struggles come to us synchronistically and are holy relationships just as A Course in Miracles attests. The picture of our addictions comes to us over and over again in the form of different people until we get the message. These relationships occur so we can transcend our need fro them, as unromantic as that sounds; only then can we come back to our reliance on inner divine connection for love and security. I f we are single, person after person will approach us for a codependent match. If we jump from one to another, nothing will be gained. Only by resisting the coupling can we hold out for time to strengthen our inner connection and gain the energy to find our more fitting soulmate.
COMMENTS
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iam
05:34 Apr 12 2009
very wise words here