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Something I Can Never Have23:05 Apr 27 2006
Times Read: 890
i just want something i can never have.
what is it that i want and how different is it from what i 'think' i want?
Do the introverted want to be free and loud, to say what they feel. to not stay in the shadows all the time with their lips sewn shut and eyes forever gazing down and away from everyone?
that thing, the thing i want, the thing that we all want do we fool ourselves with it. Do we have to settle for less and fool ourselves or perhaps others that, this thing is what you want, its what you've always wanted.
Not so much birthday gifts, i'm talking about your brilliant other, the better half.
Are those that have settled done so because, they fooled themselves into thinking that this was all they ever wanted, or was it because they were afraid, afraid of never finding that something, and of missing out on its substitute, its second best. Was it the time ticking away, seeing their peers already settled down, have they given up on dreaming?
Did they dream? or is this just reserved for the bleeding hearts and the artists, for the kids who gaze longingly out of the classroom window.
What is that something you want? How do they appear? Is it fantasy or is it a longing? Are we destined to be around countless others, in crowded rooms and shared beds and still feel alone? Still feel a yearning or a loss or that perhaps your life wasn't what you wanted it to be? that you missed out on something. And for all the good things in your life, for all the relationships and love, for all the successes you still feel a part of you is empty, is drowning, is blindsided in the middle of the night lying in bed surrounded by the dark, or on some lazy sunday afternoon, are you blindsided by 101 underlying issues, covering up some distant niggling feeling that you can't seem to grasp, that maybe you simply don't want to think about, that you couldn't bear to think about, that one thing that plagues you.
How much life have you used, have you wasted, how much life you have left, not feeling sated by it, not satisfied with it, not feeling this great relief, this fulfillment not feeling like this is enough, that there is something you don't have. In ever aspect of your life, did you reach full potential or did you settle? Is there someone somewhere lying as you are, trying to block out the thoughts as you are, swallowing their fear and sadness their grief over a loss they couldn't understand. Are they imagining that perfect someone fantasising, longing, giving them emotions and quips appearance and morals, beliefs and happiness, are they wanting something more, something to complete them to fill them up, are they wanting you, to them seeming just a figment of their imagination, a perfect fantasy, someone they will never meet, something they can never have.
Song by Flyleaf. Background by Michal Škrabálek.
crazy ramblings by me!
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