The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

well I have gotten some more things figured out for the yard sale my mom and I are having to sell off some stuff we dont need before I get moved. would help with having a little money too lol. I went to the kids new school and got the paperwork started for their transfer. I really feel like I am doing the right thing and moving right along in the process and getting things done.

I am moving out of the apt that I share with mike. I was accepted into a subsidized housing townhouse and have finished filling out my papers for them to verify my income and such. I have to get them all out in the mail in the morning after I make copies of social security cards, birth certificates and my DL. Mike knows everything that is going on and we are still friends. We have been ironing things out like how to take care of the bills since they are all pretty much in my name. We talked of me letting him keep his phone that is on my plan in my name since he cant get a regular plan in his name. It would end up being prepaid again. We talked of me getting another car and him buying my old one from me for very cheap and in payments he can afford so he has a way around. It has went well overall. He knows I am doing this because it is what is best for us all in the end. I am not happy and he is now growing and learning to stand on his own 2 feet. My children need a mother that will make the best decisions for us all. The best decision is for me to be without a man in my home and such for a while and when I do date one and consider them for something serious...they need to be stable and have learned to stand on their own 2 feet and take care of themselves. They need to be emotionally stable and secure with themselves....have good self esteem...love themselves in a sense. So once I have the papers in the mail...I am going to start packing and working on getting the kids transferred to the other school. I am hoping to get the daycare job I applied for because it would be a big help...more hrs=more money and more money= a better car and more security....not to mention it would be doing something I LOVE. talk to you all soon!

On being with someone for a year....

21:06:41 - May 29 2007

Times Read: 59



ADMIN: | EDIT | DELETE |





I should have written about this yesterday as it was TRULY the day of our anniversary but I didnt get around to it. I am still astounded and amazed that Mike and I have been together for a year....it has probably been the best year of my life. Never before have I felt so truly loved and accepted before now. I feel like I have someone in my life now that truly respects me and that I can truly trust. The fact that he is accepting of my poly nature and that he still loves me knowing how I feel, what I think and how I live is so refreshing because most men would have left me upon finding out that I wanted and needed to be free to love others. Mike on the other hand just wants to learn and understand more so he can love me better. He is truly a gem and I hope that there is a dark gem out there for me to balance with this gem of light.

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!

05:14:45 - Apr 12 2007

Times Read: 77



ADMIN: | EDIT | DELETE |





I dont know what section I should have this in but I dont really care right now. An ex bf that I still love...that broke up with me because I wanted more kids just tells me tonight in a pic in a text message that he has a new son born 2 days ago....that he didnt mean for it to happen and that he is sorry. I am CRUSHED....more than I could EVER relay into words. we have been talking again about me being polyamorous and about us trying again while I am with Mike...that me and Mike could worry about the babies and my ex says that he would be ok with giving me a baby after telling me for all this time that isnt what he wants only to drop this in my lap. I dont know what to think or how to feel at this moment but I know that I want to scream













poly vs swinger.....

18:20:16 - Apr 11 2007

Times Read: 84



ADMIN: | EDIT | DELETE |





Many people make the mistaken assumption that being poly is being a swinger. You CAN be both but being poly does NOT always make you a swinger. Swingers are sexual adeventurers...they may be single or part of a couple looking for sexual variety where society might turn their nose to it. They are the sort to search out your gang bang parties, orgies or BDSM parties to name a couple or go to swinger clubs. I have participated in such things to a small degree. Though they are fun and exciting I find that I tend to get attached to people if I interact with them sexually. THIS is how I KNOW I am polyamorous. When I interact with other...I want them for more than sexual variety or excitement. I want to know all of them and have feelings for them. To me its like dating and learning about someone over and over. My capacity to love is great though peoples capacity to understand me is limited. I just wanted to clarify so that people dont think that my being open about being poly means that I am here looking for sex, looking to cheat on my bf OR that I am a slut or cant commit. Please ask me anything you like about this lifestyle if you want some more ino.













I find it all around me....

16:21:38 - Apr 10 2007

Times Read: 87



ADMIN: | EDIT | DELETE |





Jealousy...and it seems to run the lives of so many. I guess I will never understand that way of thinking because I feel that love should always be free even if sex is not. These are dangerous times and letting sex be free can get you killed but love....its a human emotion that we should always be free to share. I feel that no one should "possess" anyone or delude themselves in thinking they do because when it all comes down to it...we are all seperate entities with varying needs that we may or may not meet for one another. We all have our own spirits and NO ONE has the right to stifle that. Dont get me wrong...I am not anti-monogamy....I am about being TRUE to yourself...if you are a monogamist and happy being that...GREAT...but I hope you find another being happily monogamist because I hate seeing people being forced to be something they arent. I have done it for far too long in my life. Some people think being poly means you want to cheat or be a slut or that you cant make a committment....its quite the contrary. I guess if you all want to know more you will come and ask me lol

I am still struggling with what to do now. I am not happy living with Mike even though I DO love him. He has a lot of growing and learning to do before he can be a married and family sort. I know that he wants to learn and grow and change but I dont think that he can do it with me around. He is used to his family and other people enabling him to sit in his rut. I know that it would be healthier for all concerned for him to live on his own for a while and me with my kids. I have applied for an apt in subsidized housing so that I can afford it on my own and I have applied for a couple other jobs as well that would bring in some more money. I feel very fortunate to have my friends here on VR that support me in all that is happening to me. I have been reading a great book that says something about if you arent happy with your life then you need to choose differently and change how your react to what happens. I am doing just this. I am choosing what is better for me and my kids.