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wow. I feel so damn overwhelmed. I finally got my engagement ring *onyx and so pretty*. one of my best friends is pregnant. another might be. I have testing this week on thursday, friday and the following monday. my best guy friend almost committed suicide on Valentines Day. people at school are starting the "Marissa is going to leave Ryan for Jeff" rumor again. my stepfather is so convinced that I am sleeping with Ryan. my mom put meon birth control. I havent been sleeping. my mother is having me take sleeping pills. my mom and stepfather were fighting yesterday about money, me and my brothers. my 3 almost 4 year old brother Tyler SHOULDNT have to listen to them fight. he is so young and so innocent. I dont want him to get screwed up like me from watching his parents fight. my stepfather actually admitted that he hates Michael and I. oh well. its so damn obvious that he does that he didnt have to admit it to my mother. my little brother Michael keeps trying to look over my shoulder to see what I'm typing and its starting to piss me off. I'm trying so hard not to go to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a knife and then go cut my wrists all to hell in the dark comfort of my room.

last night was awful. I fought with my stepfather about my boyfriend. my boyfriend came over. my boyfriend said some stuff that really bothered me. then after a little while he went home because he had to get some sleep last night because he had to wake up at 5 this morning. as soon as he left, I went into my room, turned out the light and cried. some of the things he said were so upsetting and confusing. oh well. he probably doesnt care anyways. I guess that I will try to talk to him about it when he calls or something. he proposed a while back and got my ring recently but I cant wear it around my family. my stepfather and the rest of my family are not as stupid as I wish. lol oh well. I'm just really upset and confused right now. I feel like crying again. I'm going to go. nighty nights.

SINCE 2007 STARTED...



1. Have you had a gf/bf?:

yes



2. Have you had your birthday?

nope



3. Been to church?:

no



4. Cried yet?:

yes



5. Had someone close to you pass away?:

not yet



6. Pulled an all nighter?:

yeah



7. Drank starbucks?:

nope



8. Gone shopping?:

nah.



9.Gone to the movies?:

yeah



10. Been to the beach?

no



11. Bought something for over $200?

no



12. Met someone new?:

yeah



13. Been out of your home state?:

nope

15. Gone snowboarding?

nope





[[In The Past Month...]]





2. Slept in a friend's bed:

yes



3. Snuck someone over?

nope



4. Snuck out of your own house?

no. where in the hell would I go?



5 . Been in a bar?

nope



6. Lied?:

kinda sorta



7. Gotten a car?:

nope



8. Gone over your cell phone bill?

nope



9. Been called a whore?

no



10. Drove somewhere?

nope. not allowed to drive anymore. drivers ed teacher said if he saw me driving on ralph card rd. again, he would call the police because I dont have my permit.... >.



11. Done something you regret?:

yeah



[[Last's...]]



Things you bought lately?

idk



Person you hugged?

Ryan



Person to call you?:

Ryan



Last time you took a bubble bath?

uh... I honestly dont know



When was the last time you felt stupid?:

just a few minutes ago.



When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?:

last track season. cant do track this year. =(



Who was the last person who saw you cry?:

Ryan



Who was the last person who made you cry?:

none of your business



Who was the last person you watched a movie with?:

Tyler. we watched nightmare before christmas



Who was the last person you danced with?:

ryan I think



Who did you last yell at?

Mrs.Hiles. I hate her. lol I was being seriously annoyed by this boy sitting next to me and then I just snapped. lol I told her *well, yelled at her actually* that I needed to move to a different table before I hit this kid. LOL oh well. I'm usually not a voilent person but so much has been going on lately and I just snapped.



Who last told you they loved you?

Ryan



Who makes you smile most?

ryan I guess. I dont smile very often anymore



What are you listening to right now?

just my fingers hammering away at the keyboard.

What did you do yesterday?:

went to school, went to physical therapy *got discharged yesterday too so no more therapy!! =)*, came home, cleaned the kitchen, went into my room, sat in the dark on my bed and cried



Have you ever been in a mosh-pit?:

yes but not recently



Hugs or kisses?

depends on the person



REP0ST AS: S0 FAR IN '07

this has been the most horrible way to start a 3 day weekend. mom and stepdad wont stop yelling at eachother. tyler wont stop crying. slamming doors. stomping around the house. screaming. yelling. cursing. I'm so sick of it. I am about to cry. right now I want to get out of this house. I cant wait until I get enough $ to move out. I'm tired of feeling stupid and sad all the time. suicide thoughts are becoming more frequent and urges are getting stronger. I hate this. none of my friends have any fucking idea whats going on here.

Write down what you see, hear, and are thinking..



1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.The house had been unoccupied for months now, the overseer having his own cottage, and the Louisiana heat and damp were already picking apart the steps



2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there? nothing



3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? According to Jim



4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 8am



5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 8:16am



6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? nothing but the empty silence of an empty house



7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? this morning to feed my horses



8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? vampirerave



9. What are you wearing? green pants and a grey t shirt



10. Did you dream last night? yes. I died



11. When did you last laugh? this morning when my cat Odie ran into a chair



12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? family pictures



13. Seen anything weird lately? my cat running into a chair



14. What do you think of this quiz? interesting



15. What is the last film you saw? underworld



16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? my own gothic mansion with servants in New Orleans where I could spend the rest of my mortal days in isolation



17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: what dont you know?



18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? no more poverty. I hate seeing people starving! it just sickens me



19. Do you like to dance? somewhat



20. George Bush: dont even get me started



21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Janice or Raven



22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Ryan



23. Would you ever consider living abroad? idk



24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates? I'm not going to the pearly gates you idiot. I believe in reincarnation



Find this survey and others at www.xgenerators.com

An Uncomfortable Survey



1. Longest relationship: almost 9 months with Ryan



2. Shortest relationship: 10 minutes



3. How many people have you broken up with? enough



4. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you? 5



5. Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with? I think that I am going to marry Ryan



6. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? yes



7. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? yeah



8. Have you ever cried over a boyfriend or girlfriend?: just once



9. Are you happy being single or in relationships? depends



10. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend? just once to teach him a lesson. he cheated on me 1st and I wanted him to know how it felt.



11. Have you ever been cheated on? almost all of my bfs have cheated on me



12. What is the most important PART of being in a relationship? understanding and respect



13. What is the worst part of being in a relationship? they freak out when you talk to other people



14. Worst relationship? lets not go there



15. Have you ever had your heart broken? yeah



16. Do you talk to any of your exes? yes



17. If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your exes, would you? hell no



Find this survey and others at www.xgenerators.com

my name is chris



I am three,







My eyes are swollen







I cannot see,







I must be stupid







I must be bad,







What else could have made







My daddy so mad?







I wish I were better







I wish I weren't ugly,







Then maybe my mommy







Would still want to hug me.







I cant do a wrong







I cant speak at all







Or else im locked up







All day long.







When im awake im all alone







The house is dark







My folks arent home







When my mommy does come home









I'll try and be nice,









So maybe ill just get









One whipping tonight.









I just heard a car







My daddy is back







From Chariles bar.







I hear him curse







My name is called







I press myself







Against the wall







I try to hide







From his evil eyes







Im so afraid now







I'm starting to cry







He finds me weeping







Calls me ugly words,







He says its my fault





He suffers at work.







He slaps and hits me







And yells at me more,







I finally get free







And run to the door







Hes already locked it









And i start to bawl,









He takes me and throws me











Against the hard wall











I fall to the floor









With my bones nearly broken,









And my daddy continues









With more bad words spoken,









"Im sorry!", I scream











But its now much too late











His face has been twisted









Into a unimaginable shape









The hurt and the pain









Again and again









Oh please God, have mercy!











Oh please let it end!











And he finally stops









And heads for the door









While I lay there motionless











Sprawled on the floor











My name is Chris











I am three,









Tonight my daddy











Murdered me









And you can help









Sickens me to the soul,









And if you read this









and dont pass it on











I pray for your forgivness











Because you would have to be











One heartless person











To not be effected









By this Poem









And because u r effected,











Do something about it!











So all i ask you to do





Is pass this on!







IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!









PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS AND PASS IT ON !!









REPOST THIS AS No kid should have to go through this