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I don't know what reminded me I had this but I am glad for whatever did. Writing seemed like the best option right now and I would rather I didn't piss off my friends with my dark rantings.



I have recently been dealing with, a lot more than I think I should be trying to handle. Where to start?



I think the best would be to give some hope to those out there that think the world is all dark. I have managed to climb high. Higher than I ever thought possible of myself. I am back in my "favored" country, America. Despite a rough start I managed to settle myself in St Louis. I have a girlfriend who is into experimenting with other girls, a good job, and a nice apartment, hell even some good friends. What could possibly be bad?



Starting with basics and working our way up, it all falls upon one name. Velni. No matter how hard I try and push my betrayal of her to the back of my mind it still seems to surface.



First off there is the girl that my gf and I are currently in a 3 way online relationship with. I have known her for a while and it is quite evident that she is exactly like Velni. Same attitude, same mannerisms, same hobbies, everything is the god damn same. As a result I feel in debt to the girl. Like helping her will somehow absolve my debt held to Velni.



It would be easy to ignore this girl. She is only online. Just cut off contact right? Wrong. She is not the only one online that reminds me. I would have to cut off half my contacts most of them because they always seem to bring her up in conversation.



What more is the fact that I have started hearing an extra voice in the back of my head. At first I thought. "Your psychotic Kenny. Ignore it." That was until two of my friends both mentioned something following me about. One of them even described its emotions. Some how even though velni is still alive, part of her is still with me. Reminding me every day.



Now before you all talk about me being hung up on an ex or something this is the funniest part. We were never together. We were just close friends. I felt comfortable talking to her. I shared everything with her. And she is the only person ever to remain in my mind for this long.



Anyway this ended up less dark than I intended it due to the fact my emotions switched back off half way through this post. I guess the rant must have helped a little bit.