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my heart is broken and whats worse is that its my fault...i couldnt keep my damn insecurity to my self and ruined everything i had going for me...now im back to completely alone...apparently as i was meant to be



i cant make excuses, cant blame it on anyone but me...i caused this pain and even worse i hurt the only person to ever truly love me



as i sit here i realize ive written several entries like this over the past year but this will be the final one because ive finally managed to drive X away for good...i dont blame him...he's a saint for making it this long...most dont even last past the first date let alone stay long enough to even think they love me



im really not meaning for this to sound like a pity party or anything but i think its kinda sounding like that right now...i just dont know what to do...i cant keep the most patient, caring, sweetest guy on the planet so how am i ever gonna keep anyone else?



all i can hope now is that he's at least willing to stay my friend cuz god knows he was one of only a few...please dont hate me babe

COMMENTS

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EmeraldPhoenix
06:32 Aug 11 2008

it is good to purge yourself of the sadness and pain.

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since getting back to Indiana its been rather interesting for me...i had to find a storage unit for all my stuff because my lease ended and my new apartment isnt ready yet...that took me like a week n pissed me off pretty badly but oh well its all done now



then came the actual moving...it was fucked up because my mom just bitched n complained the whole time



i finally got to come back to New Paris to a job i cant stand lucky me huh? lol



there was one good part to this whole experience though...Xzavier called me the other night n we had like a 2 hour conversation...yes he was high outta his mind but that brought out his real feelings and that was uber sweet n just made me love that crazy boi even more :)



now im sleepy and watching Grandma's Boy...gotta love it