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Jesus fucking christ. Isn't a girl entitled to feeling down every so often? I don't know what the hell my problem is this week but every time I turn around someone's saying just the right thing to send me into tears. And it's not them, it's me. Well maybe it is a little them but jesus, I'm just a little overly sensitive at the moment and I can't pinpoint what the fuck my problem is.



I'm not going to fuck up my life or my goals or my education or anything. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and scared at the moment. I'm looking at going to school full time and only being able to work 26 hours a week which I'm not really sure is enough to cover my bills and feed me. So yeah, I'm fucking terrified. I'm about to step into a whole new adventure. One I wasn't entirely prepared to do right at this moment.



Not that I'm not ready, gods I'm ready! I've been waiting for two years to get into this program. But instead of enjoying my last month of summer (and freedom) I've been back and forth to campus, working my ass off and not accomplishing any of the silly goals I set for myself this summer. You know, like repairing my Ren Faire costumes and reading the 15 books sitting on my nightstand. Oh and getting a freaking tan! I haven't even had the time to go swim in the ocean and now it's August, which is officially jelly fish season, so that's out.



So fuck man, I'm a little down. Cut me a break. I can't be miss happy go lucky all the time.

Good friends, good food, and good wine. Can't ask for much more and that's basically what the last week has entailed. But now its over. People have gone home and life has returned to its usual grind. Except now there seems to be a void, an emptyness, a desire, and a loss as to what to do or say next. No disappointments mind you, none what so ever, just some surprises. I don't know, well I suppose I do, I just don't like the answer...so yeah...still thinking on it, still digesting it, still trying to be just still...