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scik of everything happening around me

sick of all the fucking drama

so i dont want to talk

i dont want to listen

leave me be

let me be silent and a lone for the time

so tired of being torn and pulled apart

tired and sick of every one and every thing demanding my attention at ever damned second

damned sick of you not being able to solve your own shit

have you ever stopped to think that i need help with my own problems

that id like to tell you and get help from you

so fucking sick of it all

of all the whining

of all the excuses

of all the drama

of all the shit thats happening

sick of the consussion

of being lost

of being usure

pf not knowing what will happen next

so damned sick of feeling like this

so damned fucking sick of feeling like this

ironic how life is isnt it??

ironic how life simply throws at you isnt it???

ironic how it puts certain people in your path isnt it?????

ironic how it all works out isnt it??

ironic what lessens you learn in the end isnt it???

ironic at what your learn a long the way isnt it?

ironic at what you see in one life isnt it??

ironic how you feel isnt it??

ironic how irony works isnt it??

ironic how sarcasm some times just seems to help you so much isnt it???

just the thoughts that frequently haunt me now.

just the images that frequently run through my mind

just the random things that make me remember

just the thought of it all

just to listen to it all

just to sit and pretend to sit and to fake

just to have to hold it all in

just to pretend to be so confussed when in truth i know the truth

just to listen to your voice i dont know any more

just to see into your eyes i dont know any more

just to stare at you i dont know any more

just dont kow any thing any more

just cant think any more

just dont know any long

i just dont

sitting and writting



sitting and thinking



is it time yet???



a part of me hopes not...



for im not ready yet



i still dont understand



im still afraid



the other thinks it time



long past time



it say hurry and move



hurry and go



let the pices of fate fall where they may



let the fates deal with whats to come



and just let us be prepare



but am i ready or not??



is it time yet??



what does time say??



what do the fates say??



unsure and thoughtful i sit and wonder



finally a pice of the clue falls before me



but what does it mean??



where does it go???



wish i knew



wish i could understand



wish i knew where it belongs



wish i knew what to do now



still unprepared but i think im ready...



i think im prepare yet not



sitting and writting



sitting and thinking



only one thing i am sure of



I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY MORE!!!

starring out the window watching the rain fall dowm watching the shadows come and go. watching everything and yet taking part in none of it. watching it all unable to do anything. sitting before the window i turn and look around me. making sure no one is near i slowly and gently open the window a little the cold wind rushes in. it makes me shiver from the cold yet im pulled and curious by this wholy new experience, i stick my hand out in the rain. then realittly hits. i watch the rain wash away the blood from my hands. no memory of how it got there. not a clue of who it belonged to..but do i really want to know....no.....let it best remain unknown. i pull my hand back in and close the window i look down at my hands. one clean now thanks to the cool frash rain and the other covered with blood. looking down i notice for the first that im covered in it. before i can fully wonder i feel the tug at the chains that bind me. time to go time to wash up and lose more memories. the tug is stronger now. i take one last longing look at the rain outside and the outside its self and leave the unspoken silent command of the chains that bind me......

sitting in the rain in the mids of the storm waiting for the lightning to hit. waiting for the impact of it all to hit. sitting and waiting in the mids of this terrible storm trying to find the way out i finally stand and search but there isnt one. no way out just the continuing of pouring rain. waiting for the lightning to strike down. feeling it close so close almost there, yet nothing, nothing at all. the turmoil to strong to handle going numb from it all. who says ill survive this time. will i have any sanity left barly holding on by a string. waiting for the lighting to strike waiting for it all. no way to tell when it will all actually hit but hoping itll be soon. soon so that i may finally hopefully be free. but thats something too big to hope for but unable to resiste for that hope. sitting in the mids of this horrible cold storm again waiting for the lightning to strike down and blow it all away.....

you have me so confussed so lost unable to grasp what and when this will all happen. just stay out of my head and out of my dreams. dont need to be on gaurd 24/7 dont need to be watchful of everything i do. everything i say. stop easdropping into my conversations, stiop watching my every move with your eyes and your mind. stop starring at me with your eyes calculating when and how to approach me. just stop being there. why cant you be like before when we all just ignred each other. confussed lost and unable to understand what goes on. wanting to say "fuck it all" and just go ask you what it all mean knowing i cant that i must wait. but waiting was and is somethng i was never good at. so hurry or just forget it. its not like i need this any way. most preferibly not but if truth be told i know its you the one who decides not me. i just got sucked into this. so hurry and choose hurry and decide hurry and move!!!

tied down by life unable to move. unable to be free, unable to escape. time to face the truth. time to step forward and just accept it all. nothing left to do but keep moving forward theres no other choice. time to accept missery once more. cant escape him no matter how hard i tried. time to accept others deaths no matter how hard you try to save them sometimes they just dont want to keep going. so its time to let them go. let them be free. give to them something we cant yet achieve ourselfs. time to face the truth, face the music. face everythign and nothing. nothing left to do but acceot and move forward theres no other choice but to move forward. much more harder to move backwards and try to escape. so no other choice left but to go forward. go forward and be misserable hoping every step of the way that freedom is just one step closer.

words written and said every day. words that can please or harm that can cause to many feelings, emotions, actions. why trust words when your actions say different??? why trust something you say one moment then easily betray with your actions another?? words that can be so easily forgotten or lost in so many others that where spoken. is it safe to trust at all now?? i know you care while i know you care not...does it make sence i think not but its the only way to say. words that can mean nothing at all. words so damn easily forgotten, words that can mean so many different thngs, but actions atleast are clear, those are less likely to be forgotten or to be miss understood. as i ramble on and on of all this your life slowly slips away so how can i show you that i love you?? that i appreacited everything you ever did to me. for everything you ever gave up for me. to show you that no matter what i will never forget you and everything that you taught me?? how can i show you?? what can i do to show you somethng that you will forever remember as words can not be....i know theres something i just hope i find it in time. before.......before......before im too late and i am unable to ever see you again......

night falls once more yet my head is still its constant confussed disoriented self. unable to stay focused. walking through unstable ground. unsure of so many things. running from destiny though i know its useless. now once more caught in her grasp i can only stand there and watch as it all falls before me. seeing them before they happen and as they do. unable to stop anything unable to run unable to move. cold air gently passes by instead of a useful feeling of almost peacefulness i shiver of fear. what lays ahead of me unwanted yet unable to run. no where to hide any more must face it full on. afraid or not dont have a choice no where to run no where to go. held captive by my own destiny. trapped in my own living nightmares. repeating and watching as everything goes by. nothing to do but wait and see when it lets me go if it will at all.