The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

life is as life was....nothing in life really changes unless you believe it to change....everything is better just to get worse just as everything gets worse just to get better....yet nothing is really done about it...we all make a wish and dream on a star...but does the dream actually come true just by wishing?...i have no clue where or how this rant is going to go...bare with me....it might take me a while in a day or it might take me a few minutes...but here is as it was said last night...



everyone within this life has something they are fighting for...something they are wanting within this life or out of this life...but what is the reason to fight and to lose.....everyone conflicks pain onto someone else....but they also conflick pain upon themselves wheather they realize it or not....are there any true answers as to why...no not really...sometimes it really depends on if you realize you are doing it or if your not doing it...if you realize you are doing it and know what you are doing then yes there is your answer but if not then no there isnt an answer....sometimes i wonder why people are the way that they are...sometimes i wonder how someone can hurt another person especially when they say they love them and care about them deeply but then turn around and all of a sudden they no longer care....



or how can a mother harm her own child or not care about her own child?how could a mother hate her own child so much that she wouldnt care that her own child is alive or dead?or how she herself could kill her own child...it goes the same for both parents of a child....how could a mother look her child dead in the face and tell them that they are

meaningless and worthless...nothing more then a mistake within this life and they will never mount up to anything...doesnt the parent(s) know how much pain and torment that brings and does to the child?dont they understand that the child understands that and thats what the child has to live with for the rest of their life? no....why because the parent is fucking shelfish and dont give a fuck about anything but themselves...it pisses me off everytime i think about it and i sit down and wonder why and how a parent could be this way...



how can a lover tell their partner that they love them then the next day turn around and tell them they are leaving and will never return...how could they tell them that they want to spend the rest of their life with them then disappear only to reappear in someone elses arms...its all just the same....so i guess this is what my fight is...this is what my fight is all about....only reasons i am the way that i am is only for the simple fact that i dont understand this....i dont understand the meanings of why people tell someone they love them but really dont mean it if their in someone elses arms...or a parent could harm their own child with words and actions...here is my reason for my fight within life....



my fight is life in general...be it that the storm is something that i will bring upon myself...will i find cover? hell fucking no...im too damn stubborn and as it is i will never ask for help either...there is really nothing anyone can do for someone else with the fight that this that or the other is fighting for or about...truthfully and as much as i hate saying it...to each them own...all anyone can really do for another is to be there for them and give them a shoulder to cry on....i guess where im coming from with it is everyone stands alone...it just takes strength to be able to crumble and to let it all go and find your solid ground...



i've learned this the hard way...why do you think im never really there for anyone when they need me the most...i've stood alone within my fights and my battles my entire life and i never turned to anyone for help or suggestions...if i can do it and find my strength so can everyone else if they get off their lazy asses and do it...people need to stop relying on others and start doing it themselves...-smirks-



reasons for this is a simple fact that people rely on others way to much to pick up the pieces and put them back together when they fall apart....and expect to them to put them back together again....everytime they fall apart this is what they expect....truthfully i dont understand why ppl have to rely on others....what are they going to do when their not there anymore to help them....find someone else of course over and over and over again....its what happens...life is cold....and life doesnt waste time...so your the one that has to make the time....dont waste time relying on anyone else to pick up the pieces for you....but you pick up the pieces for yourself and put yourself back together....all others can really and truthfully do is give you a shoulder to cry on and be there to lend an ear for you to rant into.....



my other fight is i am tired of being in pain and i am tired of hurting...all my life all i could ever do was run and hide from everyone...to afraid of being hurt to afraid of being torn down to afraid of being abanndoned....its what happens within this life....it will continue to happen...i dont want to run anymore...and i dont want to hide....i want to be able to fit in and i want to be able to treated the same and not different...and not to be left behind....i just dont know anymore...im so tired of this life and im so tired of only being in between...im trying to pull myself from being in between but somewhere within it all i fail........and i dont know why or how but i do fail....i dont even know what im doing wrong anymore....