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Tonight has got to be the worst night of my life.

And Im not going to make it through it

I ruined everything

Ive lost everyone I care about



Tonight Im thinking about ending it

I have everything I need to do so

And there isnt anyone to stop me



Not like anyone would



I cant stand it anymore

I cant be with the one I love

My parents hate me

They have taken away my friends

my future

This is why I said Im going nowhere Brad

because after tonight

Ill have no where to go

If your reading this

it means that I never

said the things that

needed to be said



Im sorry that things went sour

I dont know what I did

that made you change your mind

about loving me



For a moment in time

I was all you wanted

and then the next

I wasnt



And it hurt

more than words

could say



I forgave you

after everything you did

because I loved you

and I still love you



But I know that I cant have you

And that you dont want me



I hope you were happy

in the four months that

we were together



If you werent Im sorry

I did everything I could

to make you happy



I gave everything

that I had

and more

to you

and I dont regret a moment of it



What I do regret

is saying ok

when you told me it was over



I should have fought for you

but I didnt have the strength

maybe if I had

I would still have you



But I cannot dwell on it

it hurts me to bad



I just want you to know

that there is always a place in my heart

for you and you only

and no one will be able to fill it

and when I do get to New York

there will be a place for you to stay



Im leaving Slater so that I can get over you

And I thought that josh would help me

but whenever I am with him

and everytime he holds me

all I can think of is you



is that bad?



I dont know



Good luck with Lara





I love you

I have decided that I am giving up

on everything



everyone thinks im happy

but I am just hiding



I cant take the pain anymore

and hurting myself



doesnt help

as much as it has in the past



Im leaving here

because I cant take it