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here i am again. pouring my heart into a journal. what is the issue this time? call me crazy. but its that damn sonata. the moonlight sonata. the tempo, the rhythm, the fluctuation in each note, and the mood. the "one two three" constantly running in my head. such a lovely and yet haunting thing. i find myself listening to this song over and over as if somewhere in the somber tones and mellow notes ill hear some sort of secret message meant only for me. i fell asleep listening to it. i woke up (very late i might add) with it in my head. and i cant get it out of my head. the song is deep. theres something in it. something that takes me to a place i cant leave, and dont want to be, and yet that while i pour over my own work, i long to be. music can be such a dreadful thing. it has a power over everyone that nothing else can. music takes hold of our lives, keeps us sane, makes us crazy, comforts us, angers us, makes us cry, makes us dance, makes us march, makes us do anything and everything and we feeble minded automotons are subject to its will without so much as a thought as to WHY we do these things. i have to wonder if anyone has ever suddenly stopped and said, "why? why does music have this power over me" what about it does this? is music perhaps one of the ways God keeps a subtle influence in the world? perhaps in a way musicians are slaves to serve the master. we are slaves to the music. we give voice to the music in our head. thats the thing my friends. this music isnt INVENTED by us. its already there. inside our heads, ringing, echoing, and longing to be set free. and its maddening. and we set it free compelled to do so without realizing why it is we do it. and so beautiful music is born into the world. perhaps its just the ranting of a crazy ma desceding further into his abyss. until next time ,my friends.

COMMENTS

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Minde
10:00 Nov 11 2017

Great read. I don't see anything wrong with being a slave to music

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CelticDarkAngel
14:17 Dec 09 2017

nothing wrong with feeling so deeply about music if there was we wouldn't have music and it sounds like maybe music is your true calling.

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so my room mate and i played the game doors of your mind. and neither one of us particularly enjoyed it. i dont know what raumatized me more, what i heard him describe to me, and my beliefs on what it meant, or what i saw in my own mind. fo those who have never played, theres some rules you are reccomended to follow.
1 if you encunter a room full of clocks, you muct leave immediately.
2 if you encounter a room with an old woman, leave immediately.
3dont go through doors that dont feel safe
4 at any time of you encounter a man in a suit, end the session.

now i hadnt read all of those. the site i found this told me the first 2, and said some doors dont feel safe. when i began, the hallway felt dangerous and i actually wanted to cry. im not a crying type of guy. i felt like the doors in the hall were my means of safe haven. i wont describe to you every door that i went through, but the second to last door i was in a very safe and serene place. it was a cave, with a lake. the room was lit with glowing crystals and the water was crystal clear. after examining the room for a while, a dark figure appeared. it was a tall shadow. he felt malevolent, but made no move to engage me in any way, but i left the room anyway. as i re entered the hall, at the end of the hall there was a strange golden fireplace that looked more like a furnace, and a tall bald man in a dark suit watching the fire. every so often his bald head burst momentarily into blue flames. i entered one more door, and when i left the room, the fire and the man were still there so my partner ended the session. and honestly, im terrified psychologically at what this means. the hallway is the safe place. you leave the dangerous rooms to the hallway, and yet my hallway was the most dangerous feeling place. my room mate on the other hand had a different issue. to start with, he is a wiccan. so very different belief system then i have. now given that, as he went through the hallway describing doors, he described to me a room where it entered into a garden where a child with no face was watering flowers. and as they were watered they withered and died. soon after he encountered a door that was golden and he couldnt enter it. as he touched the handle it burned his hand. later on he described to me a dark door with a pointed handle, and it wasnt a safe feeling door. he didnt want to be near it, and he too described a fire place at the end of the hall, but he didnt want to go there.both of us have agreed we dont like this game. i would play again maybe at a later date, but he doesnt know if he will.

my darling, my sweet, my one and only, how i long to hold you once more in my most unworthy of arms, and to kiss the lips so perfectly sculpted by God, and to taste their sweet nectar of love. too long my love have we been apart. for long have our souls longed to find one another, and now at such a distance, i find myself in utter agony. every moment away from your embrace is a lifetime naked in the freezing rain, or boiling in molten salt. so beautiful are you to me, that since you have left my sight, the very color has gone from the world, and has faded to grey. my love, my only love, i pray that we will be together again soon, and that this time apart will be the last time apart, for when you leave my side, my heart leaves my chest and follows, unable to bear a moment away from such perfection. the angels in heaven above cry out at the sight of such beauty that they could never know, and for a voice so melodic and musical that they could never have. you are the very air i breathe, and the very life within my body. you are the light that guides my way through the darkness of my never ending dreams. and with your light my sweet, my nightmares crumble away to be replaced by dreams. but to no avail dear heart, for alone at night when i dream, i dream only of you, and that my hand so unworthy and wanting might touch your gentle face again. the sweetest dream of you falls utterly and entirely short of the magnificent reality you bring to me. the reality that no man could be, will be, nor ever was as lucky or blessed by God, then i am now to have been gifted even a passing glance from your most beautiful of eyes. until we next meet, i will remain as i am, as i was, and as i ever will be, your most devoted, most loving, and most loyal companion.

COMMENTS

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Minde
21:42 Nov 07 2017

this is sweet

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BatsInTheBelphry
03:13 Nov 08 2017

very heartfelt words my friend.

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