The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i never expected it to be this way you know. i sit here at work in my dark office with my playlist in the background, and my heart heavy, and all i can think about is why you are still supposed to be here. he one thing i didnt have as a teenager was a dad. the dad who raised me died early on. and yet you came along later in my life and slowly grew into the role of my best friend. its unfair i think, that i didnt see you as a father figure until your time was almost up. is this all that my life will ally to in the end? all the people i say goodbye to? i really dropped the ball here pop. i missed out on a lot of things you had to teach me, and the things i could have learned. i wish i had known. you are gone now for what has been almost a year, and i think i am just now coming to my realization, i will never speak to you again. i wont get good morning texts from you. i will never again hear you call me and say "hey code man, whats up?" i had no idea how you saw me until the end. you always seemed to loo upon me as some kind of rockstar. i guess having my EP on the radio and you getting to hear it live really helped make that feel like a reality didnt it? you really believed that, despite anything i said, and anything i doubted, you said you knew. i know you werent a perfect man, but still i wish i felt more deserving of the love you showed me. its my best friend that i miss pop, not my biological father. its the way that our conversation flowed so easily. it was never " i cant say that, hes my dad, or its weird to talk about this" we just talked. we played guitar together. we sang songs together. i feel so robbed of you this week pop. i feel robbed of a lot of things. there are no words to describe the hole i feel inside of me. not just from you, but of everyone. from everything. my life is like one of those movies you watch when you want to feel sad. i have everything i need to be happy and i cant be. i dont think i understand how to be.