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And you know what else?!!!??
07:31 Feb 22 2011
Times Read: 586
You know, I am tired of everyone always telling me that I mess things up. I know I am a screw up. I know that I don't always get everything right. But is it too much to ask for that someone just be love me? I need someone there every night to cuddle next to me. I can almost tell what everyone is thinking about me and what I am doing, as soon as they look at me. I hate the fact that I do not know what I want that will make me happy. Seriously... I know what I think I want, but I have no idea what I want in the long scheme of things. I try to go after what I think will make me happy and it turns out that I was wrong. I can never get the one(s) I want and the ones that want me never can. I feel like an ugly duckling in this world. I have been waiting for years to break out of this shell and be beautiful for once in my life but it just never comes... I look like shit 99.999% of the time, and the rest of the time, I am just dealing with what I have and pretending I look good. Everything I do has no purpose unless it has to do with my kids. I want to diet harshly and lose 160lbs rapidly. like in a year. then maybe I will be pretty. People refuse to talk to me but want me to talk to them, and then they talk to each other and say the things that they think I can't handle. I am tired of having things sugar coated. I I am tired of people talking to everyone else about me but me. I want people to come talk to me calmly and tell me whats wrong... Why can't anyone do that? Why can't anyone be there for me when I need them and not make me paranoid that they are going behind my back and taking everything away from me? I guess this is my burden... I will never find a way around it, nor will it ever go away that I can think of. So I guess I better suck it up and live with the fate that I have been handed...
-Broken and Burnt-
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