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No, I won't commit suicide.

But, YES it IS MY choice NOT theirs.

Say what YOU want, but it's MY choice.

Okay?

Just because I say I want to commit suicide,

doesn't mean I will.

OKAY???????????????????

god...



Anyway, it's my choice, too bad if you don't like it.

I don't need anyone's permission.



Zak, it is MY choice, NOT YOURS!!!

But, yes you are the reason I won't do it.

Don't you feel special? ..........not.

I just reread my earlier entry and what someone,

*cough*zak!*cough* said.



And if you try to prove me wrong,

Why shouldn't I try to do the same to you?

Hmmm???

Tell me I can't, and I'll put it to the test.

























































































































*sighs* forgive me zak, i'm tired and moody at the moment.

Just listen to what I said, okay? please?

Waking Up



Distance and space allow emotions to age into faith

Our bodies may end up alone but close



Are you there can you hear me

Are you there can you feel me



Just in the way all your fingertips touch me

They are healing

One day we’ll all fall prey



Chorus



Waking up good morning to you my dear

I’m waking up enduring my biggest fears of

Distance away (a weight) distance away



Chorus



Waking up good morning to you my dear

I’m waking up enduring my biggest fear love

FAKE Friends: Never ask for food.

Real Friends: are the reason you have no food.



FAKE Friends: Call your parents Murmurs

Real Friends: Call your parents DAD/MOM



FAKE Friends: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

Real Friends: Would sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"



FAKE Friends: never seen you cry.

Real Friends: cry with you



FAKE Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

Real Friends: keep your shit so long they forget its yours



FAKE Friends: know a few things about you.

Real Friends: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.



FAKE Friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

Real Friends: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you



FAKE Friends: Would knock on your front door.

Real Friends: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"



FAKE Friends: Are for awhile.

Real Friends: Are for life.



FAKE Friends: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

Real Friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit."



FAKE Friends: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

Real Friends: Will knock them the fuck out

Well, yesterday was Zak and my second month anniversary. (at least I think it was...) Anyway, of course he didn't say anything. I was expecting him to anyway. It doesn't matter. It's nothing big, and I'm serious about not getting mad at him for not saying anything. I just like knowing and keep track of how long we've been "together". I only count months. No, I'm not the kind of girlfriend who counts months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds to see how long we've been together. I'm glad I'm not. Keeping track of months is just fine and dandy with me. *smiles*

i dont wanna go to school.

i hate it there, i really do

i'm terrified of speaking in class

i know, thats a stupid thing to be afraid of.





but i gotta go...

i dont wanna, but i gotta





...fucking school....

I was sleeping (of course) and I was having a nightmare about some man. I guess he was attempting to kill me and there was no one who could save me (there never is, is there?). I don't remember the dream very well, because it didn't last long. Just before I think I was being attacked, my mother woke me up. I'm actually thankful she did. I hate nightmares.

I swear i'm losing it.

i cried and cried yesterday,

i don't even remember when i last did that.

i hurt the front door.

earlier i hurt my hand, by punching the wall

my eyes were hurting

i restrained myself from tossing things

i just.... lost it

i feel lonely and more depressed then ever

i'm an awful friend

terrible daughter/sister

bad girlfriend

i'm terrified over silly things

i hide from people when i go walking alone

i just feel like..........

nothing.

i am nothing.

i've stopped cutting though

but i want to start again ever so badly

i tried to commit suiced once

should i try again?

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i think i should....

but there's zak.

if it wasn't for him, id say fuck the world and

just kill myself

its that simple



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wouldnt that make me selfish???????

i mean, just leaving "family" and "friends"

????????????





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FUCK IT!!!!

I don't care....

its MY choice, not theirs

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I want to commit suicide.