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I am sitting here thinking how my life has come to be as it is now. And let me tell you-- It was not an easy road to travel alone. When I was 15 years old- I was married to a abusive husband- who would beat me and rape me everyday- for four years out of our five year marriage- and I have been seperated from him for five years now-- Then I met my Son's father a year after seperating from my ex- When I was three months pregnant- he decied that he was going to choose to take a new car- (his parents were offering) than to have us. That was over three years ago- and he has further decided that he wants nothing to do with his son- (that means- he don't want to know what he looks like- how he is doing- where we are- or anything) So that makes me feel like hell-- cause my son should have his father-- At least to know who he is-- and why he has been left- On a different note- My mother tells me I am worthless and nothing but her slave-- or she will take my son away- Cause he is ill-- and I am unable to work-- That and when she gets angry she uses me to take out her anger-- either with her hatefilled words-- or by beating me- either way- it sucks-- But now I believe to have found my one true soulmate-- and am happy-- FINALLY!!!-- so if you have anything to say about any of this-- please feel free to leave a comment-- I would like to hear your thoughts on any or all of this-- until my next babbling thought-- Later all!

I am sitting here after talking to my love-- and wondering about alot of things-- mostly about how we have everything in common and how it just feels so right-- after searching for so long-- I have found him. And I feel true happieness. And I am sitting here in total awe of everything.

Now away from all that-- I am a dark person-- inside and find happieness a hard thing to deal with sometimes. But some of the time I think it can happen like in the fairytale-- and that my dreams come true-- and just maybe they will.

I am lost inside my own mind- stumbling around in the dark- looking for a clue as to the who-what-when-where-and why's. I know that as I keep searching and running into walls--that one day I will know all the things I want to-- and Hope that one day you all do to.

Random thoughts run through my mind like a stream- constant and never ending-- so keep your eyes open for more of my rambling thoughts.