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Having spent more time with my new lover, his hold on me has intensified. Our mutual interest in BDSM, requires a certain level of trust from both of us, but this goes far beyond the sexual, at least for me anyway....



He has asked me up this weekend to meet his best friends...Does this mean I am becoming more than just a willing sexual partner in his eyes? His friends are very important to him...they helped him through a very dark period in his life and gave him a lot of love and support, so I guess, if he feels the need to introduce us, he must feel that I am worthy of a more long term position in his life...



Its so difficult to know how this is going to pan out, I feel such a deep connection to this man, we have both suffered so much pain from others, that it feels right we should offer each other healing and forge something new and bright, but I am scared I may have read this all wrong and that I am becoming yet another plaything for a damaged soul incapable of love.



Yet, he is unfailingly kind and compassionate, something I have had little or no experience with when it comes to men, and I do not know if this is just a ruse to enslave me as his toy, or a need within him to find love again...



I do not want to humiliate myself by declaring how strong my feelings are for him, yet, I am an inately honest person, and I feel by witholding how I feel from him I am being deceitful. Damn, at my age I should know all this stuff, yet I still feel as clueless as I did when I was a teenager.



I want to protect him from further hurt and betrayel, show him my feelings for him are strong and true and have him protect me from the misery my life has become over recent years. Yet neither of us believes in love any more, and we both have real issues in trusting people, yet I trust him enough to allow him to dominate me in ways I have never been able to allow anyone to do so in the past. I didn't hesitate with this guy from the outset, yet I would never aloow others this close.



He makes me feel things I have never felt before and I must admit, I am very scared I may be unable to maintain my defenses against him for too much longer, once again, opening myself up to destruction, and somehow, with this guy, I don't think the scars would ever heal if this weer to happen.....

COMMENTS

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Theban
22:56 Nov 08 2009

Wow very interesting!

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In 24 hours I seem to have moved p to a level 4 and a bit...I think this is o.k as I'm still feeling my feet a little here...There is sooo much to learn and take in...



I have addd a few frends, read a LOT of journal enties and rated some pretty awesome profiles...I've also sent messages to join a couple of mentorships and am hopeful that one will reply and accept me...



I will be away for the weekend...a visit to the Dark Prince, which I am very excited by, more so than I should be as its VERY early days here and I wasn't looking for whatever the Hell has got a hold on me....



This guy has seriously crept under my skin and part of me says...run for the hills, but another part of me is saying follow the path you're on and see where it leads.....

Its been a strange month for me...I have just met someone who could potentially rock my world and I am pretty unsure how to handle it right now.



Dissiluioned, worn down and battered by faithless exes, I had finally decided that Love didn't exist and had locked my heart away in the darkest dungeon, to avoid further pain and suffering. Men, were to become my playthings, nothing more or less...casual encounters, platonic or otherwise were to be my sole contct with the opposite sex from now on...



Sure, I've had lovers from time to time, a girl has certain needs that must be addressed, but they have been carefully chosen to ensure they require nothing further than a casual alliance, and no emotion has been involved whatsoever..



I had been corresponding with J on another site for some months, and despite my best efforts at harmless flirtation, I felt strangely drawn to him on a much deeper level. He too had become disheartened with Love and relationships, his pain called to me across the ether , and as our conversations became more intimate, I began to dream of him, this Dark Prince, and so we agreed to meet...



This meeting took place 2 weeks ago and my life has not been the same since...we are meeting again this weekend and will spend 3 days and nights together...



He moves me in a way I can't , as yet begin to articulate, he touches me on so many levels..when I think of him, its not with the casual disinterest of previous lovers, but with a fierce, yearning need that almost consumes me at times. I don't know if this is just another brief encounter, or something far more...only time will tell...