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Good old otep, always reminding me of what one can become when filled with despair and the feeling of helplessness ...



I am at my dinner break contemplating what things may or may not be.



The thought of thinking that there will be a better tomorrow is foreign to me. Being grateful of my past disappointing and failures because they have prepared me, getting me ready for a chance at something amazing. Is something that I know how to say and understood in concept but this is the first time I am experiencing it.



Was so focused on the actual doing, prepping for what to do when I get there that I forgot about the actual road and journey to get there.



I don't believe in luck, I believe that when opportunity meets preparation, one experiences that which is considered luck.



I didn't know that I had been preparing for this opportunity... I am placing all of my hopes that I am prepared enough, because if I am wrong and luck does exist.. then I've used up my luck when meeting the most lovely, sweet and beautiful creature in the world



can't get her out of my head.....

COMMENTS

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Lookingformordecai
14:45 Aug 29 2012

Nice to read about whats inside your heart.

Sends you some more luck so you dont run out my friend

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I am on my dinner break, I am worried. I always worry, can't be calm. Have gotten better at not panicking and resolving things but I cannot seem to stop from worrying.



It is good to worry, to worry about the rent is how the rent gets paid. Worry about getting in time for work is how you get on time for work. My issue is that I worry about things that one I cannot change and things that are of no consequence. This takes allot of my energy, but like I stated earlier I am getting better at compartmentalization.



I have to run two errands tomorrow, have to wake up hella early to manage to do it before work. And I don't know if I will have the energy or the will to do them.



It helps me to write down my fears, make them real before the event actually happens, sometime it works other times it does not.



so what now, there is only going forward, standing still is an option but it would be fucking stupid to remain in a place I do not enjoy, like or want to be at and going back is impossible. So forward we must go.