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Sometimes the pain begins to subside and I can see clearly. The light is exquisite again and I feel the sun on my skin. The blood pulses through my veins and I feel strong again. I can sense my muscles tightening for the battle tomorrow. My energy increases and pushes me forward. I grasp my shield and sword with a titan's strength. I know I can keep fighting for as long as I must.

I have a thousand questions. I have a thousand secrets. I can't share them all at one time. It would be like to trying to sip from a waterfall. Everyday is a new anticipation. I don't know what might be said. I don't know what new information might be disclosed. I like the new puzzle. I like the new riddle. The conversation is easy. I like to talk, simple.

I've made them, I know. I still feel the scar they've left on me and on you. I can't explain it away or even smooth it over. Mistakes should only be a bumpy spot in the road though, right. It shouldn't be a place that you perpetually drive over and consistently complain of. Maybe you should either stop going in circles or take another road.



I accept full responsibity for what I've done. I apologize, I pledge my loyalty. I want to be happy with you, but you don't want me to be happy. You want me to hurt. You don't want me to be strong. You want to feel the weakness radiating off of me feeding your insecurities and making you more powerful.



I won't cry about this anymore. I can't expend anymore energy to remain your footrest. I won't repeat that mistake or allow this one to continue. You have to either let the past go or let me go; you can't keep both.

COMMENTS

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obonewits
15:43 May 02 2010

Bravo.





One of the reasons I wrote this...



Without Lament





Where I have been

there were no roads

no well worn paths to travel by

no guiding footsteps past the dangers

no gentle voice filled with understanding

no interest in my fumbling searches

no hand to help in my struggles or troubles.



And so I leapt

from precipice

to precarious precipice

of understanding

many times flawed

often times unclear

in hopes of finding my way.



I did not claim to know my way

never denying I could not see

the fits and turns

the convolutions I took

the mistakes and failings

all of this I claim as my own.



It finally took a twist of fate

a loss so great

that I was forced

to contemplate

all that I had been and done

before I could see

what purpose I had

the direction I should choose.



Slowly I climbed

over muck and slander

deceit and betrayal

abandonment and lies

to stand alone

in open sun

and understand it all.

I am not broken.



I will not say

I have not had

my share of shame

stupidity and ignorance

broken promises and dreams.



But I will say I came alone

no help asked or received

accepting responsibility

for myself and all I am

to stand at last

as master of myself

at peace with the Creator.



Who then, are you

to judge me?

And why the hell

should I care?

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