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ciardhasoul's Journal


ciardhasoul's Journal

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20 entries this month

 

I Keep Hoping

06:32 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 391


I keep hoping that we can go back

Back to when we were friends

When I could look at you without regret

You broke my heart

Now when I see you

I want to cry and a little part of me dies inside

There's just to much pain

To try and fix it

I don't want to loose you

But I don't have a choice

It can never be the same

I will never look at you

With those happy loving eyes again

Instead they're filled with pain and agony

I realize that because of our mistake

We will never be friends again

That scares me

That makes me want to crawl in a hole

So I don't have to think about it

About you

I keep hoping

We can fix this

But we just can't


COMMENTS

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One Sided Love

06:26 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 392


My heart skips a beat when I see you

All I want to do is be with you

Though you don't get it do you

That it hurts when I'm not around you

That when you're sad or mad

It hurts me too

That you break my heart

When you just don't get how much I care

That I'm falling and I don't know to do

That I feel like I'm crazy

Because I know you don't feel this way too


COMMENTS

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Numb

06:13 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 393


She felt it again

The hallowness that consumed her

That left a cold feeling

That words could barely describe

All she wanted to do is write

Write the feelings she couldn't explain

For some reason she felt like crying

But she couldn't

The hallowness was eating her alive

And there was nothing she realized

She could really do

To make the cold feeling

Disappear


COMMENTS

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Never The Same

04:49 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 396


Close your eyes

Maybe that will help

Or maybe it won't

It doesn't matter

You won't be the same

Either way


COMMENTS

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Farewell For Now

04:28 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 397




I would've given my life away

In stead of his taken away

He would've been the one to change the world

If he was given enough time

He was angel on earth

So innocent and loving

Now he's just an angel

His whole body was white as snow

And the purest soul

I believe in heaven after he was gone

I want to believe that he's truly in a better place



When my brother Gabriel a.k.a Gabe was a baby he was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer, also all of his right side was paralyzed. They said he had months to live and he out lived their expectations. They said he wouldn't be able to walk, he danced and jumped. They said he wouldn't be able to talk, he talked and he used some sign language. Even though he was getting better the worst happened he was diagnosed with leukemia a side affect of the treatment he was getting. In 2004 Gabe became very ill and in the picture it shows him in the hospital. My mom took him home and as he was dying he was in my mom's arms surrounded by family.

COMMENTS

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Next time

04:24 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 398




I welcome you numbness

You make it so I can't feel pain

That he gives me

I welcome you darkness

You make it so I can vent

What he gives me

I welcome you anger

You make it so I can have revenge

I give him

Next time I will be ready

COMMENTS

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I'm Done With You

04:21 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 399




One day you tell me you love me

The next you tell me you don't want me

You tell me not to get to attached

I'm done with you

I am done with your lies

I will move on

And when come crawling to me

I will tell you I don't want you

To not get to attached

I will turn my back on you

As you did to me

I won't feel anything for you

Like you didn't for me

I will show you no kindness

I will erase you from my life

You will be a mistake

As I was yours

I'm done with you

I am done with your lies

COMMENTS

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I'm Not Weak

04:19 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 400




Your explanations are weak

Your running out of time

Before I pull the trigger

Showing the true side of you

Don't think I'm weak

Because I feel

It just means I'm stronger than you

But you already knew that

Sweat drips down from your forehead

My eyes as cold as yours were

Before I got the courage

To stand up for myself

Before I realized I didn't have to take this abuse

COMMENTS

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My Choice of Weapon

04:16 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 401




My words are my weapons

My poems are my swords

They will cut through you

Making your jaw drop

You see me as weak

But with my words

I am your nightmare

With my words you will feel all emotions

At once

My words are my weapons

My poems are my swords

COMMENTS

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You Hurt Me

04:13 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 402




You broke up with me

Yet you say you still love me

You say you don't want to see me in pain

Yet your the one to cause it

You try to act like nothing never happened

Like you didn't break my heart

But you did

You try to hug me

But I want to be alone

I want to be away from you

COMMENTS

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The Forest Calls

04:08 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 403




The black mist is creeping closer

You run as fast as you can

Though it's not enough to escape it

The forest cries

Come back home

Come back home

You breathe the oaky air

The wind whipping past you

Whispering your fate

The forest cries

Come back home

Come back home

It's all dark around you

Your running out of time

The clock ticks on by

The forest beggs

Come back home

Where you belong

Come back home

You stop and begin to cry

The mist begins to cover you

Knowing you welcome it

As it slices through your skin

The forest beggs

Don't leave home

I need you home

COMMENTS

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Dear Father

04:06 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 404




The heat of your words

Burn through my heart

The hate in your eyes

Kills me inside

I stand there

Silent tears roll down my cheek

You told me you loved me

That was just a lie

You said you’d protect me

You never did

When I needed you the most

You were far away

When it was the holidays

You never even called

As I grew up

You never cared

You yelled at me

Scared me every time I saw you

You are the monster in my nightmares

I let you control me and hurt me

I let you make me feel weak

No more

I will get stronger

COMMENTS

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In The Eyes of A Cutter

04:05 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 405




Another deep slice on my wrist

Ever since you left

I haven’t done anything else

You were everything to me

Yet you said good-bye forever

I take the broken glass to my heart

I cut a broken heart where my heart was

Blood drips down my chest

The scare will be there forever

For everyone to see

What you did to me

The pain from the cuts helps me

It numbs the pain you caused

I will never be the same

Ever since you left me

I retrace the heart

Each time going deeper

Where my heart used to be

COMMENTS

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That One Mistake

04:04 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 406




One mistake

That’s all it takes

For your dreams to be taken away

That’s what I thought

But is that really the truth

Dreams can be wrong

They can be paused

They can runaway from you

But they can’t be taken away from you

Yes you can make a mistake

That will make it more challenging to get to your dream

But that doesn’t mean that dream has been taken

COMMENTS

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In Love

04:01 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 407




I've been hurt by every man in my life

Except for you

I didn't know what love felt like

Until I met you

I don't know what I'd do without you

You are the only guy I have ever fully trusted

I've given you my heart and soul

Every time you say I love you

I know you mean it

I've been hurt by every man in my life

Except for you

COMMENTS

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The Non Stop Pain

03:59 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 408




I look just a little hurt on the outside

But in the inside I'm breaking

I don't want to hurt you

I'm sorry I can't be the perfect girl

I tried and I failed

Just like I do with everything else

I'm an emotional wreck

I don't want you to deal with that

You deserve better than this

Better than me

I love you

I always will

But my love is warped

Warped by my past

The things that make it so hard for me to love

I ruined something good

Just by being me

I look just a little hurt on the outside

But in the inside I'm breaking

COMMENTS

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This Part

03:57 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 409




I hate this part

This part where he moves on

Even thogh I haven't

He talks about her

Even though he knows it hurts me

You can see it in his eyes when he looks at me

I can't get over him

No matter how much I try

I grow distant with my friends

Numb with pain

People don't get it

When I sit alone

Head down so my eyes don't wonder to him

While he's with her playing around

Unaware of the ach in my heart

I hate this part

This part where he moves on

COMMENTS

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Boys Be Men

03:56 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 411




Guys flirt with me

Tell me that they like me

Then they say they just want to be friends

Yet they still flirt with me

Is there something wrong with me

That tell guys they can take advantage of me

Or do I attract those kinds of guys

Either way it has to stop

My ego and heart has been hurt way to many times before

I want a guy to stay with me

Not make excuses before we even start

You either want me more then a friend or not

Please make up your mind

COMMENTS

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Diary of A Cutter

03:54 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 412




It's coming again

The painful numbness

The feeling to cut

It washes over me

I take the knife to my wrist



It goes deep

The blood slowly appears

I know I shouldn't be doing it

It's like an addiction

It's hard to stop once you start

Some people don't understand

They say to just stop

It's never that easy

There's a reason I cut

A reason I'm depressed

I just try to hide

Just like my scars

I know I shouldn't

But it's coming again

The painful numbness

COMMENTS

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All Alone

03:52 Nov 08 2012
Times Read: 414




I feel so empty

No one wants to be with me

I'm all alone

I will always be this way

I'm destined to have one-sided love

Never both

My heart gets broken so many times

Yet I can't give up

Can't stop looking for love

No matter how many times I try not to

Love is my demise

For I can't survive the pain

Of getting my heart broken again

COMMENTS

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