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The heaviness of a full heart is so overwelming to me, the emptied heart is a weight off my chest. the day seems brighter but even though its empti it aches and yearns like something is missing. Maybe the feeling you get with the closeness and warmth sometimes. As he holds you and your falling asleep knowing the bad dreams won't be there, I think that never happened and that why it weighed me down. it wasn't the right one. I had night mares and dreams (or visions) while I was awake. I had premanissions (spellings off) and they weren't day dreams they were day mares. I have always been empti no matter whom I was with.



I would hope the right one I could sleep the endless sleep with no dreams at least no bad dreams and the day mares or primianissions were good ones or warning like a child I cared about was sad you know the normal parent ones. I get the vivid scaring morbid psych ones with a blood bath ending.

I want peace for this heart I'm so tired the tunnel I walk now has no light its just emptiness with total darkness I am walking and there is nothing. What happened to the dim light for me. I am knumb.

My life has been many things, most of it self imflicted after the ripe age of 30. Just mere stupidity not listening to my inner self. I always wanted to be loved, who doesn't. So my relationships always ended because common sense prevailed it wasn't true. So far i can say my children and very (very) close friends are the only ones who love me. Maybe when the fog lifts true loves light will find me, right now I'm in a dense fog and only see flickers of light i reach for it but the fog grows more dense and inables me to reach it. I hear him, I feel him, I smell his blood, I hear his pulse, I can taste him when I wake. One day we will find each other and the fog will lift and I will sleep in his arms and never fear rejection nor that emptiness that has put me here. Its always so cold there's no blankets nor heat just the cold fog and a dim light.

COMMENTS

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hannahrose
06:22 Feb 21 2013

NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE LOVED CHERISHED AND VALUED BY ME AND MANY OTHERS HERE.I AM PROUD TO CALL YOU MY SISTER FRIEND AND MY FAMILY.

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