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Just something I was thinking about and decided to write down.





Why



Why is it so much easier to be brave when we're not alone?

Even those who are dying can usually manage to be brave around other people.

Is it because we are trying to protect others from our own pain and weaknesses?

I think I can be brave around others because I don't want loved ones to worry so much or to have to deal with my pain and my moments of weakness.

It is so much easier to be brave for them. The times I am alone are when I am most scared, most vulnerable, most weak.

Sometimes certain symptoms of my illness terrify me. Especially if they are things I have not experienced before, and when I am alone, these things terrify me, make me panic.

When I am on the phone or with other people, I always manage to sound like I am not scared at all.

I suppose I am trying to protect them. If they knew how bad it was, they would probably freak out too.

So I can always manage to tell them not to worry because I'll be okay, even when I am not sure of that myself.

Funny how the human mind and heart work.

I protect those I love even when I am scared to death.



Worries



And if I do share my worries and my pain with those I love...well at what cost is it to them?

What does it do to them?

Won't it only cause them worry and pain? It could only bring stress.

Even if it gave me some relief to not be alone in this, is it worth what it does to them?

Is that fair?

I would love to say that not telling them anything would be better, but I don't know if they would agree with me there.

Besides, even if I wanted to be their 'protector' and save them from my pain, it isn't really human nature to suffer alone and in silence.

I doubt I could do it forever. So then the question is, how long could I keep it up and what if something really bad happened to me during that time? Is it worse, then, to hide it?

Those who care about me would probably say that it is worse to hide it, to suffer alone...

Such a dillemma.

COMMENTS

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dabbler
02:33 Sep 24 2008

We want to accept that a person is "hiding" their pain from us. Yet seldom do people press a person to "fess-up". The expectation of overwhelming others with our burdens, sometimes keeps us from basic address of our discomfort. It is the same case of an abused wife, putting on a smile around friends and families. A set time to share is a good idea, I would seek an encounter group. it helps relate to others who have over come, or are preparing to over cove sharing, as well as bringing some of the potential responses to light. Role plying encounters help me to talk to my family after my break down. I can listen, and i will listen if you want to message me.

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