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Yes, I am back! too much drauma lately. but I doing what I can! I its sad....too much shit going on....whew...wish I was normall..............

Yes, I am finally trying to get back to normal. One week of dayshift, and I am totally screwed up. Why put me through this shit? They all know I can't handle it. So now tonight I am trying to stay awake as long as I can. Tommorrow night-I am down to business. Time to get a good load on. I got shitty days off now, but I'll make do. Nice out tommorrow, gotta get stuff done. Things have been weird lately, I saw a movie, liked the one song- and Poof! The next day I pulled a cd out of a pile, and there was the song! What the hell is up with that? Then tonight I said "lets watch spaceballs sometime in the future?" Poof! Changed the channels and it was on! Holy crap! What is going on? Am I getting the "power"? Is the majix working? I have no clue what is going on-but it is scary. I work it out tonight over some cocktails!

Ok, drunk, I have no good response!

Yes, its that time of year, annual training. A whole week long of mostly sitting a classroom. More often than not, I fall asleep. They get a little upset over that. Not that I mean too, I am rarely up during the day, you would think they take that into account. No staying up till the wee hours like I am used to. Soon time to cash it in for the night, gotta at least try to sleep. Time to break out the sleepy pills.

Oh it's so beutifull when it snows-blah fucking blah. No it freaking is not, it is a hinderance, it creates more work for alot of people, it kills the idiots that try to function around it. It just plain sucks. Gahhhh! I spent all freaking afternoon chasing after accidents. Did not even get time to go shopping for the week. Yes, I ran the fuck out of bread and milk. The universe will colapse, it is the end of world as we know it, the dead shall rise and walk the earth. Ehh, screw it-I got beer.

Ok people. I have been lucky enough to join this coven. I have Tammy and queen of chaos to thank for this. They are the best. Maybe for once I can belong to something for real. Yes, I know being a fireman is very fullfilling, but sometimes I need a break. It's a great feeling, something new, it could really make a difference in my life. Ehh, sort of. No I did not give up drinking. I should, I know. Not gonna happen anytime soon, I did calm down some, which is good. Things are gonna heat up with spring. Who knows whats gonna happen.....

Ever feel like you're in a rut? I do the same crap everyday,sometimes I pray for a disaster just to shake things up. Here's a good word "drama" there is too much in my life. That is wierd, I want things shaken up, but I can't stand wierdness. Does that make sense? Maybe it has to do with the content of the stuff. Back and forth-forth and back. I wish to be married again, only to someone bipolar. That I guess would be like living with two people. MAYBE someone who is multi-personality disorderded, THAT would be a challange. Gahhh! What the hell am I thinking? I really need to think more before I type.....................

I like dilbert, when his coworkers snap...they say gahh. I like that. At work, I say gahhh about a dozen times. That is sad. I have a mental meltdown that many times in one shift. Now you all know why I am so fucked up. I did not mean it to be like this, it just is. I dream of winning alot of money and just retire. Lay the fuck down, shut it all down. Just live life like it should be. But alas, it is just a dream. I will deal with assholes my whole life. I will just sit back and take it, that is the way it is. That-truly sucks. But you dear readers keep me here. If not for you, I would probably be sucking a tailpipe. Wild horses, take me away......(thanks to the rolling stones-luv em to death! literally)

I am sick. I am sick of being a nobody. On the street, I did not mind it. But here, even when I try to be a nobody-it seems so much more. If you are around me, at least pretend you know who the fuck I am, don't kick me to the curb. For you all that do know me I thank you. That is the way I am, I would rather friends and family know who I am all about. Fuck the rest. You all know who I am, You know what I am all about. These other people have no fucking idea who I am. Play games, when you go to try to be nice, hmm, oh Hi how are you? How fucked up is that? I did not just get here. It's like high school fuckihg backwords. That is pittifull. For the rest of you, thanks for sticking with me, you make life worthwille..... Love ya all.....thats no bullshit.........stay strong.......

We are now almost a full quarter into the new year. I REALLY need to lay off the booze. Where did it all go? But I guess now it all about the green and the irish. Not really into it, but the boozing part is good, I can relate. Uhhgg, gota got dayshift soon for training, don't know how I'm gonna survive that shit. Did I say how much I hate my job? I am tired of people trying to fuck me standing up, no pleasure there. I cannot stand lazy fucking co workers. Just do your fucking job, if that would happen, I would have little to bitch about. Please let me win the powerball tonight, I would make alot of people happier, and of course myself. That would just be too easy. But I hope something happens....