brileybeauford666's Journal
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2 entries this month
Christmas...missing02:32 Dec 29 2010
Times Read: 601
I remember two, tiny, warm palms on my face.
An excited quiver in a little girl's voice.
"It's here Gee. It's Christmas."
Pulling you under the covers with me and begging you, "Please, just two minutes more."
"Noooooo. Nowwwww."
What else could I do but roll out of bed?
Bare feet on cold wood and somewhere in the distance the scent of fresh coffee brewing. Somehow I remembered to set the timer two hours earlier then usual.
That walk, or more like run down the stairs and into the living room seemed to take a lifetime to you. And though my eyes were still shrouded in sleep and my brain was still cold and barely ignited, the sound of your voice and the sparkle in your eyes are ectched in my memory and I see them as if they are visions from yesterday. I see you there. Standing at the bottom of that huge tree, overlooking everything that Santa delivered the night before. Your gaze zeroed in on one thing and one thing only. Your gift to me. You pushed the new bicycle, surf board and skates out of the way. Grabbing the box wrapped in snowman paper and tied up tight with a red ribbon, you scooted over to me and hugged me hard. I felt a warm, soft kiss on my cheek and then you said, "Open this first." I hugged you back and breathed your sweet, little girl scent into my body. A fragrance that I have never forgotten. I had no clue what was in that box, and you looked very much like the cat who had just eaten the canary.
You were so excited and nothing else seemed to matter to you except that single gift to me. So I pulled the ribbon and unwrapped the package. I pryed the tape from the edge of the box and reached inside. The smile on your face was so wide and beaming I could barely take my eyes from yours. I felt tissue paper crunching in my fingers as I pulled the object from the box. As I carefully pulled the fragile sheets apart, you couldn't contain your excitement and you tried to help me. Together we pulled the tissue paper from the most perfect set of crystal dolphins ever imaginable. Your smile grew wider as you said to me, "You said they watch over you in the ocean. Now they can watch over you here too."
You were five and I was twenty, and those dolphins are still here. Still sitting on my shelf, still keeping watch. But you're gone now, and they sit silent and still. Without you they've lost their shine. Without you, so have I.
Frozen00:19 Dec 08 2010
Times Read: 623
Sometimes, everything just stops.
It's like I freeze in place and for an instant of a second I have no idea where I'm headed. I have no clue what to do next. I'm not prone to indecision and I'm baffled by these moments. It's almost as if everything I've done to this point was all wrong, and it's time to make adjustments. Nothing radical, just small, precise changes in the plan that's etched in my mind.
I don't understand why my feet stop moving and my breath catches in my chest. I don't think I want to understand. I just want that moment to pass.....so I can start moving again.
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COMMENTS
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Cinnamon
03:46 Dec 29 2010
I know this is completely generic, but *hugs* It's all I have, really. 'Cause nothing else will do; I can't give you what you truly want.
birra
21:26 Jan 13 2011
Wow... I might cry for the rest of the night after reading this....
...*hugs* G...
...all I have for you are hugs... these are moments that make up our lives, shaping and creating who we are. The golden light that shines from you is here in these words. That light will never dim... and I can't begin to express to you how grateful I am to have a friend as strong as you are in my life.
Thank you for your words and your friendship.