The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

(authors note)

for those you out there who have given up on life always thrive to be free and follow your life long dreams

don't ever give up on anything just because someone says you can't have something

prove them wrong by getting what you want out of life

and please treat others only by the way you would want to be treated

Thanks













A Black haired boy sat in his window seal looking out the window, watching as still clouds floated by and rain fell like silver needles sewing the ground to the sky.

He sat in his room unaffected by the wet and chill that hung in the air outside, unaffected by the people who hated him but not his father



His heart had turned to ice long ago and there wasn't anything he could do to turn it back. As least that's how he felt in his mind



The boy reached over and grabbed his pack of cigarettes that sat next to him on the window seal along with his razor that had dried blood on it. he opened the pack and pulled one out putting it to his lips and lighting it

the smell of smoke filled his room. The lights were out and a sliver of light made it's way into his room it was always cold in his room and depressive that's the way he liked it.



Marylin Manson's voice screamed in the distance, he loved listening to his voice it was the only thing that calmed him anymore besides the razor



Take your hatred out on me



make your victim my head



you never ever belived in me



i am your dirty kid



The got up and walked over to his mirror that hung on the wall he looked worse than ever now. a black bruse had been placed on his cheek from the night before

he began to peel off his shirt exposing the scars and bruses that were also placed upon him

he didn't care anymore it wasn't like anyone cared enough to save him, noone had ever noticed him enough to give a damn or ask how he was, this was the way things went for him, each day presented it's on hardship a new task to be met and over come

but not everyday was easy somedays threatened to claim his life

he wanted nothing more than to silently slip away into the darkness and be gone from this shit hole that was called a home



he began to peel the rest of his clothes off exposing the cuts on his legs and ankles that had been placed days ago that had already scabbed over and were begging to heal he knew that new ones were going to be made so that he could make sure that he was still alive, this was the only way to stay in check with reality, Everyday he did this to relive himself of being numb of being so cold inside but this releaf was only momentarly



he stepped onto the shower that sprayed hot water onto his body with his razor blade still in his hand

he sat in the corner resting his head on the wall next to him and placed the blade on his wrist

he slowly dug in and dragged the blade down his arm and watched as his red crimson blood made it's way out of the incesion he had made and onto the bathroom tile but was washed away by the hot water that spayed his naked body

he loved the high he got each and every time he did this, it was his escape



later he stepped out of the shower as the hot water dripped off his naked body, his long wet black hair hung down his back

he quickly dried himself off and walked out of the bathroom to his closet

he pulled out a black hoodie that had holes in it, the left sleeve had been torn and then put back togeather with safty pins

he slipped it on and then pulled out a pair of black pants that had slits on the hips and chains that ran up the legs, he also slipped those on with a pair of his black boots that had buckles on the sides



suddenly his cell phone that sat on his dresser began to rang

he picked it up

"hello"

"hey Raven it's me"

it was his brother mike

"oh hey what's up?"

"nothing much, um Jena is in the car with me and we were riding around and wondering if you wanted to join us and just hang out or something"



"whos Jena?"

"oh you know Sonya's daughter"

"oh that chick you said you were gonna marry?"

"yeah that's the one"

"wait your marring Jena's mom?"

yeah why?"

it's nothing...look i can't i'm going to the mall right now but maybe tomarrow ok?"

"yeah sure...talk to ya later"



Raven hung up the phone and put it in his pocket

he opened his door and walked down staires and into the kitchen where his mom sat

she had long blonde hair and dark green eyes that used to be blue



"hey mom i'm going out to the mall i'll be back later ok?"



"k sweetie be careful"



he kissed his mother on the forhead then walked out side to his car and got in

he put the key into the ignition and cranked up the car

instanly Manson blared through the speakers



"well i'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exsist



and i'm not a slave to a world that doesn't



give a shit



death of one is a trageady"



He put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway then floored it down the road towards the mall



AT THE MALL



He sat there finishing his lunch. He hated coming to the mall. he loved to shop for more black clothing, but he hated the stares that he always received from those that went to his school. It was Saturday and he was pissed off. They were always staring at him. They could never mind their own business. he never talked to them, he never looked at them. Couldn't they at least give him the same curtisy. He sat alone, eating alone.

'Just like at school, just like at home. Always alone.' Raven thought to himself. He glanced up from his finished food as he could hear what they were saying about him. . He wished he could go over there and just punch the girls in the face for what they were saying, but that would probable kill them. 'Sometimes I wish I were just a normal human.. Then I could kick their ass without being worried about going to jail for murder. he thought to himself as he got up to throw away his trash.

"Can you believe he goes out in public like that? His clothes are hideous! The black has got to go," one of the girls said.

'Bitch,' Raven thought as he looked at his choice in clothing. It was almost similar to the ones he was wearing the day before except that he didn't have a hoddie on and he was wearing a 'West Coast Choppers' shirt that had a few small holes here and there.

"I know! he has holes in all of her clothing. he comes to the mall, buys all this clothing, and doesn't even wear it." The two girls laughed at that and Raven just walked back to the table that he was eating at, grabbed his eight Hot Topic, Spencers, and Sun Coast bags as he looked at them, flicked them off, and walked to the entrance of the mall. They all thought he was poor, but if they were smart they would take a moment and see that he was buying all these things then they would realize that he wasn't as poor as they thought. he could hear them gasp and call him names as he smiled as he daydreamed about ways he could kill them. He could hog tie them with their own intestence. He smiled at the thought. .

he laughed as he walked out of the store



he spent hours driving around and listening to his music and thinking about everything that was going on, he had no friends and his father hated him because he thought his own son was weak

music continued to play as he thought continue to wonder



" i'm just a child with tears in it's eyes



all i'm holding is this gift that is broken



what do i have now?"



Raven finally looked at the time and noticed it was now midnight and knew he had to get home soon so his mother wouldn't worry







later Raven entered his house. He didn't even budge when he heard her father stomping down the stairs.

"Where the hell were you! You're always late!" He didn't even bother to say hello and began to question him.

"Where was I the last time you asked?" he began to take off his sweater and didn't even bother looking at his father.

"Don't you start that shit with me! You're bitch of a mother has already picked a fight with me tonight, so you'd better not do the same!" He looked like he was about pop a blood vessel at this rate and he looked like he wanted to punch something.

"Whatever. I'm going to my room. 'Night oldtimer." Raven began to walk as he draped his sweater over his bent arm.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him however and soon he found himself pinned to the wall. he looked into his father's angry eyes and didn't bother letting fear into his system. He was used to it by now. he had long ago closed off his emotions and now he hardly felt a thing when a fist crashed into his face. he let his face fly to the side at the sudden impact and didn't bat an eye at the punch.

"How dare you disrespect me! I am your father! You will address me as such!" He yelled in his face.

his mom came running down at the yell and put her hands over her mouth at the sight in front of her. No matter how many time she came into a room and saw a sight like this, she never got used to it. She never did anything though, just watched as he took his pent up anger out on his expressionless son. A son who never screamed in pain from the blows. A son who never begged for his father to stop hitting him. A kid who just sat there and took the anger his father dished out. A boy that took the pain that was supposed to be reserved for his mother. her screams for him to stop filled his ears, but nothing happened. There was no pause in the blows that rained down upon him. Only a continuance of hits that connected to each part of his body.

If his brother had taught him one lesson, it was pride as such, his fater would never have the satisfaction of hearing him scream. Not even when the piece of shit had him pinned to the ground and beating his life out of him would he scream, he wouldn't scream or make a noise when he felt that his life was fading away



It clicked in his mind: this was it. This was the day he was going to die. Years of training, years of struggling , years of defending off his fathers drunken attacks rendered insignificant in as little as two minutes. He had single-handely desecrated every battle fought for this sake of his own life. In his eyes it was bitterly, laugh out loud funny. He would have never guessed that his father would be the person to end his own life

he always imagined taken his own life by sliting his own wrist or maybe hanging himself or perhaphs over dosing on some coke but never like this





Soon the blows stopped and he left when his anger drained. She ran over to her son and lifted him gently from his spot on the floor. she helped him to his room and set him down on the bed. She tended to his wounds and Raven let his mother's words drift throughout the room.

"You always say something back. You should keep quiet. You know how he gets when we fight. Just be good when he starts yelling like that and quietly go to your room. I don't want to see him beating on you all the time."

Be good. Keep quiet. It's always the same. Raven hardly heard a word of it, for he'd heard such words from his mother too many times to listen. Her advice was useless. She'd never been in that situation. his father never once hit his wife. So why did he hit his son? he didn't know. he probably would never know. Perhaps it was the fact that he had unusual blood in him and he knew he could handle the punches and occasional kicks that he dished out.Raven knew he wasn't exactly human It didn't really matter. he never really felt much of the pain. he would always let his mind wander to a far off place where he was truly happy. A place that he knew didn't exist, but would die a thousand deaths to get there.

he waited for his mother to leave and went to his bathroom. he slowly peeled the clothes from his body and looked in the mirror. Bruises covered his body. The new ones that were beginning to show overlapped the old ones that would slowly heal over time. It didn't matter how many bruises healed though, for he would always have bruises in one form or another. On his body...and in his soul. Bruises were everywhere. he took out the razor blade and ran it over his skin softly. Then he pressed down and closed his eyes. In that one instant all the pain in his heart went away. Nirvana took over and he floated from her own personal high. he cut again and again until he could no longer feel pain. The blood flowed from his body and he stepped into the shower.

"Mmm...My blood tastes good." Raven licked at the wounds of his self infliction.

Despite what one would think if they had seen this scene for the first time, Raven was suicidal.and he just loved doing crazy things. Raven knew he was crazy and he didn't care. he'd jump from a building an instant if he could, but he didn't need everyone seeing him flying down the side of a building on the 6 o'clock news. So he opted for the silent crazy things such as cutting himself. His wardrobe was full of long sleeved shirts because of this habit, but he didn't care too much about what he wore. As long as that feeling never went away. The feeling of flying away that came with the cut of a razor blade.



later he stepped from the shower and into his black sweat pants and a tee shirt with Lacuna coil on the front of it

he walked over to his stereo and cut it on

Korn began to play, he loved it when Jonathan Davis began to scream

his voice always sent chills down his back



"and i wish i was something



please tell me there's something better,



and i wish i was something more than this



saturated, lonelyness"



Raven walked over to his bed and picked up his Journal and began to write:







I feel numb and cold,



As if i am about to die.



I smile on the outside,



But on the inside i cry.



For the physical pain is bearable,



But the pain within is not.



I look at them, blind and clueless,



As if they do not know any better.



As if they do not care,



As if it doesn't matter.



Questions forming in my head,



And no one to answer them.



They say i have gone mad,



So they tell everyone, but not me.



I hear them, talking about it,



I feel them, casting looks in my direction.



Frustration washing over me,



At last, I find isolation.



I feel the pain,



Like my skin is on fire.



But i choose to ignore it,



To fo-fille my burning desire.



My desire to see the blood,



To taste it.



At last, the red fluid streams down my skin,



Followed by a mixed feeling of satisfaction and guilt.



I tell them I'm happy,



That is a lie.



I feel numb and cold,



As if i am about to die.



he Closed his notebook and layed back on his bed watching the ceiling spin, he slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep



he looks down over the cliff at the jagged rocks that lay below. he can feel the cool breath that blows upon his face. The time is right and everything falls into place as he leans over the edge. The plummet happens in slow motion and the silk black cloth that flows behind him is flapping gently as the ground begins to speed closer to him. Then blackness takes place.

Raven opened his eyes and slowly rose from his bed into a sitting position. It was one of his favorite dreams. One with a bittersweet ending. he'd always wanted to try it, to let himself go and feel truly free on the way down. Finally deciding he had spent enough time laying in bed, Raven left the comfort of his bed and got ready for school.

The deep cuts he had inflicted upon himself the night before had scabbed over and felt tender when he touched them. he stepped into the shower and began to scrub at his skin until it was red. After he cleaned his skin, Raven stepped out of the shower. Looking amongst the long sleeved shirts, baggy sweaters and long Pants, Raven finally decided on what to wear. His ensemble consisted of a dark grey , long sleeved shirts with holes for her thumbs to slip through. The pants he wore was also a dark grey and had two slits that stopped just below the beginning of his thighs. Raven always added designed to his clothes As he headed for the door, he grabbed his black boots and his messenger bag. He stoped in the hallway when he saw his father in the hallway

he never said anything to him only continued to stomp his way to his room and slamed his door

Raven continued down the hall and walked out the door toward his car to go to school



As Raven walked trough the halls he heard people say his name. He knew what they where talking about.

They had found out about him cuttng himself and laughed at him for it they called him a freak and a physco every chance they got

Everyone looked in his direction and pointed as they snickered their comments about his attire and his life. he truly was alone in this life. Nobody knew him. Nobody cared to get to know him. he glared at them as the bell rang signaling for them to go to class. he grabbed his books and silently walked to his next class

He hated English class. Not English, just the class.

RRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG

"Alright everybody. In your seat," The teacher announced

He walked to his desk and sat down.

"Good. Now please pass up your homework to the front row and I will collect it." As the teacher said this you could hear a shuffle of papers as all the people who did their homework went through their folders to find the assignment. Raven found his and passed it to the person sitting in front of him as he passed his on. he sighed as he sat back in his seat taking notes on predicate nomitaves and other sentence structure rules that nobody would be able to understand.

later he began to write notes but this wasn't just any letter it was a suicide letter

he wrote out three of them

one to his brother,one to his sister and one to his mother, her's was a lot longer than the rest

then he wrote a letter to the people who knew asking them to come to his funeral and explained what was going on

if he didn't die from his father then he would probley take his own life

Finally, the last five minutes of class, everybody started to put their things away in their backpacks getting ready to leave and go home. Raven had already beat them, he had his stuff packed up ten minutes ago. he hated them all. They all stared at him every chance they got

The bell finally rang as everybody gathered their things and left the school.

Raven made his way to his locker and threw his bookbag in there he smiled knowing that he wouldn't need them again

with the letters in his pocket Raven quietly walked by himself to the student parking lot

he got in his car and drove home

he wanted to commit suicide but not before he made sure his mother was away from that bastard and that she was safe



Raven raced home and ran inside the house and into her room

"Mom?" the door's lock clicked signaling it was open. Opening it he saw his mother. She looked horrible. 'How could someone do this?' "Are you okay?"



"Fine. You got it worse than me. How are you?"



"I'll be fine. Mom I want you to go to mikes."



"I can't leave you here alone."



"I'll be fine. I can handle everything he dishes out. I'm as strong as him your not. Your body is fragile compared to mine. You will die if you let him keep doing this. Do you understand? Go to mikes. Tell him you need to stay and don't let anyone know your there, and you can't leave until I get you. No one else. Do not let him tell Dad your there. If he asks, tell him you two are having a separation. Be careful." He placed the keys to the black mustang into her hand and folds her fingers around it "Go."



"Sweetie I can't leave you!"



"Yes you can. Please just go."



"I love you."



Pushing her outside, Raven watched her pull away in the car. "Bye mom."



Making sure everything was done he sat on the couch waiting.

Everything was set he had mailed the letters and even set the date for his own funeral, everything was left in the directions for his mother that he had in his pocket



"WOMAN! Where are u?"his dads voice echoed around the house

suddenly he heard music begin to play above him:



"when passion's lost and all the trust is gone,



Way too far, for way too long



Children crying, cast out and neglected,



only in a world so cold, only in a world this cold



it was the song "world so cold" by MudVayne Raven knew that song well he loved that song

Running up stairs the music got louder in his fathers ears



"Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes,



Then watch them drift away



Some might say, we've done the wrong things,



for way too long, for way too long



he burst into Ravens room and froze in place



"Where's that bitch mother of yours?"



"She isn't home." his fathers cold, angry eyes met his.





"What did you say?"



"She isn't here."



"Where is she?"



"I don't know. Hopefully as far away from you as she can get."



"Excuse me?"



"I said she is far from you!" his father went to slap him, but Raven blocked it.



"Getting old?"



"Show me that you're worth the effort."



He smirked at him as they both walked to the middle of the room and got in their stances. Raven sent his own smirk at him and then waved him toward him.

The battle went on for hours. And it was a close one. Raven matched every hit and every kick.



They were at a stalemate. he had one of his dads hands and he had one of his. If one would try to knee the other the other would block it.

Raven's strength was slipping away. he was quickly becoming exhausted. His grip began to slip on his dad, so he kicked him. he flew into the wall and slid down.

his dad picked him up and threw him into the gun cabinet causing the guns to hit the floor and fly everywhere



they both reached for a gun then turned and pointed it at each other

they stood up in the middle of the room their fingers on the trigger ready to pull it and let out their anger



"you have no more reason to morn for that woman than i do, she died a long time ago Boy, long before you were ever born

a fighter has two options in life either get stronger or die

and she chose the former, don't fear the truth kid...all i did was clean up the filthy mess that she left behind"



"SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER!!!"



they both fired at the same time causing lead and blood to splatter the walls

a bullet managed to make it into Raven's chest and out of his back

he stumbled backwards and clashed with the wall, sliding down causing his blood to smear on the white wall

he looked up and noticed his old man hadn't had the luxgurey of surviving this fight

he laughed out loud

the excitment was just to much for him, he was finally free and was able to save onemore life before he left this world



Raven slowly got up and made his way to the phone and called his mom



"hey mom it's me...um everythings ok now..he's not going to be bothering anyone anymore so you can come home now and um....i love you mother"

he then hung up the phone and walked away

Raven pulled out the letter that said mom on it and layed it on the kitchen table for her to find

then he walked into his room and sat on his bed

he had lost a lot of blood, his vision had become very blurry and was losing feeling in his extremities



he then did something he hadn't done since he was 5 years old

he began to cry for he had finally set things right but was sad because now his mother would never see him grow up but aleast she didn't have to worry about him becoming like his father

Raven began to get sleepy as he slowly closed his eyes he went to sleep for the final time



later his mother had found the letter he had left her:



Dear mother,



if your reading this then i suppose that i'm no longer here but please don't be sad

i did this so that you could be free and you wouldn't have to live like this anymore

i realize that i wasn't suppose to surive this battle and i accept that now but if my death was what it took to finally set father free then i have no regreats and i'm happy now

so please don't be sad that your little one has left you, please live your life as if i were right there next to you because i will be and please know that i love you and i will see you again someday



i love you



Raven



the letters that raven sent out were recived just as he intended them to be along with the date of his funeral and to who his things would go to



on his grave it read :



In loveing memory of our child

our fighter, our hero



Raven



The End