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Once Upon A December

-A.J. White-





Slowly my life spins out of control

Face must hide what heart doth know

In this facade my only comfort is

What I do not allow myself to show



Gnawing feelings of anger and pain

Tear into the fabric of my being

Be glad you are you and not me

Be glad you can’t see what I’m seeing



I live in a swirling torrent of solitude

Trusting no one...I’m merely alive

I’ve given up on myself

But no one sees...big surprise.



And it hurts so badly

To think I’ll forever remember

All the bruises and screaming

Once Upon A December



I take no pleasure in this life

Yet know I cannot try again

I promised I would live my life

I promised I would re-begin



They never told me it would be this hard

They never said it would hurt this much

They didn’t tell me that because of what happened

I would be repulsed by another’s touch



It doesn’t matter anymore,

I don’t really care

Only in solitude can I exist

Of this I’ve become aware



And it hurts so badly

To think I’ll forever remember

All the bruises and screaming

Once Upon A December



The darkness presses in on me

The flashbacks fade to true

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

WHAT CAN I DO???!!!



“Dad” is what the bastard called himself

And I was too young to see

And now I’m left like this

HE’S A PART OF ME



And it hurts so badly

To think I’ll forever remember

All the bruises and screaming

Once Upon A December



It led to the thoughts

Which led to the pain

Which led to my futile attempts

Which have driven me insane



For so many years

I longed to die

He’s my unnoticed companion

Only He can hear me cry



Just because my heart still beats

Does not mean I live

The beating heart has long-since died

There’s nothing left to give



And it hurts so badly

To think I’ll forever remember

All the bruises and screaming

Once Upon A December



I’ve tried time and time again

To show a smile that matches my soul

But it turns into the grimace

Of a pain beyond my control



I don’t remember the last time

I felt a true feeling

And as I isolate myself

It’s my fate I am sealing



One day I’ll be able to

Open my eyes and see no sorrow

But that day is not today

And most likely not tomorrow



And it hurts so badly

To think I’ll forever remember

All the bruises and screaming

Once Upon A December



Someday it’ll all seem

As if it were a bad dream

Someday I’ll be able to say what I mean

One day I’ll rest in a pasture of green

Never to arise again...

It’s sad to say I can’t wait until then...

I've grown weary of living

and forcing myself to breathe

When I die no one will cry

No one will bother to grieve



May my death be oh-so-slow

May my pain be oh-so-great

May I suffer the whole night long

And only taste death when dawn does break.



May I yearn to voice my pain,

but no screams relieve my lips.

May I rake into my flesh,

With my sharpened fingertips.

May the blood pour forth for hours,

Yet, I suffer hours more.

And even then it could not compare,

To the anguish I've felt before...

May I long to voice my pain,

yet no screams relieve my lips.

Silently I disappear...

Silently my soul....RiPs...

May my Death be Oh-so-slow,

May my pain be oh-so-great,

may I suffer all the night,

and only die when dawn does break