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There are so many I wish to help, to touch and to devour I hardly know where to begin. I tire of feeding off the familiar, I want something new. Inki says that if I don't keep it fresh that it will hurt more, he is so conciderate. He doesn't have to tell me these things. I know he just wants me to survive as long as I can. Providing he doesn't tire of me, nor that I get too old to hold his attention.

I feel fortunate today to be associated with my Master. Part of the coming to terms with what I am now is knowing this life was always meant for me. Embracing myself and my place in the food chain is freeing. I know he pushes me further, hander because he wants me to be strong. That fact that he prefer me call him Inki is just one of the ways I know he is being tender with me. I think he like the affection we have for one another. Pet to Master, Master to pet. He doesn't have to be this way and I know for a fact that his wrath is not something I want to bring down upon myself or those close to me.

I was raised to believe that there is good and evil. I was taught from a very young age that things are either good or evil. From God or the Devil. I don’t think this way anymore but is certainly is easier when you categorize unexplainable that way.

I should tell you what if facts first. The those are always best to know first in my opinion. Facts don’t have a mind of their own, bad days, mood swings, or the ability to hold a preference, they just are. So here are the facts.

My father was raised protestant.. The fear of God was instilled through his Aunt Hazel who died after going completely insane, medically speaking. Cardiac arrest in her sleep. As a young man he attended seminary for three and a half years, dropping out one quarter before he would have graduated before becoming ordained.

My mother was raise in the protestant faith. She lived two doors down from the church that her and her family attended. She and brothers became heavily involved in Satanism when they became teenagers and were asked to leave the church. This particular branch of Quakers rejected the idea of demon possession with out consent, so they could not return to they congregation without a demonstration of their renewed commitment to the Lord. (I suppose the assumption is if you are a Satanist you are possessed.) So my mother, at the insistence of my grandmother, sought out a an exorcism.

This is how my parents met. My father agreed to help perform an exorcism with his colleges . Not usual for Protestantism or their ministers, but not completely unheard of. The next fact I can display for you is me. The rest of what I have is rumor, stories from relatives, pieces of speculation and hearsay. Although they were married in the same church that my mother had only months before been banned from.

For the first time in weeks I slept four hours. When I woke up I felt so so I could bearly move It felt as if iI had been hit by a city bus, no an oceanliner. Yes, that seems more appropriate.

My daughter woke up only a few moments after I did. I went to the kitchen to fix her a "baba" and calm her down, but I knew from the way she was screaming that she was in the throughs of a nightmare, again. Inki didn't need me last night. My theory is that the Victoria Secret fashion show had a little something to do with it. Probably why I slept so long too.

I had sent out messages to others looking to get into trouble with Inki and tried to encouage their submission whilst informing them to know their "value" and strike a bargin benifical to themselves as well. I still have a few more to collect to pay for the "eric failure". A failure that Inki had to smooth over. If He liked me anyless I would probably be in the hospital right now.

I have work to do so I better get back to it.

I don't know if it is a good Idea for me to try to find others like me. I know I tend to compete and that will drive them away. I can't help but feel that if I don't find the others and see if there is or is not a way to break the cycle. Idon't want to pass this on to my daughter. I know my sisters are already afflicted. Poor Nat, i hope she gets stronger, the way she is now she is never going to make it. It not fair for some one to have as much promise as she does and be tied to this fate. I only hope i can stop it. I hear him laughing just beyond me. I know he doesn't concider me a threat. That isn't the deal i made. The best I can hope for is that he doesn't tag her before she is able to use her free will and make her choice. I love my daughter and i will see this through to the end if only for sake.

Gods, I am tired, and not at all at the same time.