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Wow, it's to me amazing. I mean I just saw her not to long ago, and Ad..man she saw her the day it happened.

I still can't believe she's gone.. it just blows my mind...yet I haven't cried.. why haven't i cried?!?! I've been trying to keep myself busy. But I feel good, I made the video. I got it out..so far the first one has been a success!!

Everyone is passing it on, I want her family to have it too. I want her friends to have it. Something to remember her by.

I'm so pissed that people critisize her for what she did. When you've hit rock bottom like that..you don't think. You dont do much of anything, you react and that's it...that's it. That's exactly what she did. Why didn't she let anyone help? Why didn't she go to someone when she was so far down she couldn't get herself back up.. why not let someone help? What was her last thought? Did she remember it was Maddies b-day? Did she think about those two beautiful children she was carrying? Or had he shattered her so much that she couldn't think of them either? I don't think I want to be with anyone.. and I'm never giving myself to someone completely..

I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to leave Levyah without a mother. I don't want to leave my friends behind, and my family wondering.. why? Why did she do it? Why didn't she cry out for help? Why'd she let go? What was she thinking..

I'll never frown upon her.. and I'm not going to remember her at her weakest and at her worst.

But when she was bright, and beautiful, fun, loving, crazy, and the amazing person she was.

If you don't know where they've been don't judge..just think of her at her best.. and love her for who she was. Who she still is.

Never forget..never