The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

VAMPIRE BITES
08:10 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 497

1 (16-ounce) package white chocolate chips

1/2 cup red peanut M&M candies

2 cups small pretzel twists



Line a baking sheet with waxed paper. Place white chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl. Place in the microwave and heat until melted, about 1 minute.



Pour onto waxed paper and spread with a spatula. Top with candies and pretzels. Cool and then break into bite-size pieces.



Servings » 4

VAMPIRE COOKIES
07:52 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 498

3/4 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1 large egg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1/8 tsp almond extract

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 tsp salt

approx 1/2 cup red jam (raspberry/strawberry)



In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until light. Beat in egg and extracts.

Add flour and salt to the bowl and mix them into the butter-sugar mixture at low speed until dough is just combined. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 325F.

Divide dough in half and keep the portion you are not using in the refrigerator.

Roll dough out on a lightly floured surface until it is about 1/8-inch thick. Use a cookie cutter to cut out 2-inch rounds.

Place rounds on a baking sheet, put a teaspoon of jam on each of them and cover with another round of dough. Press edges down lightly, pinching the edges onto the cookie sheet. Use a toothpick and poke two small holes (like a vampire bite) in the top of each cookie.

Bake for 10-12 minutes, until cookies are set.

Cool for about 5 minutes on the baking sheet, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Dip a toothpick in some extra red jam and re-insert in the “bite” holes you made before baking to emphasize them, if not already red. Draw a blood trick down from one of the bites with the jam, if desired.

Cookies are best the day they are made.



Makes 2 dozen.

VAMPIRE CUPCAKES
07:50 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 499

2 cups cake flour

1 1/3 cups sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup butter, room temperature

2 large egg whites

1 cup buttermilk

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp almond extract



Preheat oven to 350F. Line muffin tins (you will need 18 cups total) with paper liners and set aside.

Sift together cake flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer. Add sugar and blend, using the paddle attachment (You can use a hand mixer, too).

Cut butter into 4 or 5 chunks and drop into the bowl with the flour mixture.Blend on low speed until mixture looks sandy and no large chunks of butter remain, 1-2 minutes.

In a large measuring cup, combine eggs, buttermilk, vanilla and almond extracts. Beat lightly with a fork until combined. With the mixer on low, pour 1 cup of the buttermilk mixture into the bowl. Turn speed up to medium and beat for 1 1/2 minutes. Reduce speed back to low and pour in the rest of the buttermilk mixture. Continue to beat at low speed for an additional 30 seconds, until liquid is fully incorporated. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and beat for a few more seconds, if necessary.

Divide evenly into prepared muffin tins, filling 18 cups as equally as possible.

Bake for 16-20 minutes, until cupcakes are light golden and a toothpick inserted into their centers comes out clean. The cake should spring back when lightly pressed.

Turn cupcakes out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Makes 18 cupcakes.



Filling

1 can cherry pie filling



Puree cherry pie filling – a syrupy mix of sugar and cherries, usually – in a food processor until fairly smooth. Very small pieces of cherries are ok.

Take a cooled cupcake and, using a small pairing knife, cut a cone of cake (1-inch across by 1-inch deep) out of the top. Trim off the pointy end of the cone, leaving a flat circle of cake. Set aside and repeat this process for all the cupcakes.

Take the cherry filling and spoon about tablespoon or so into each cupcake cavity, filling it almost to the top with filling. Top off with the flat circle of cake you just removed to seal the hole and hold the “blood” filling in place.



Marshmallow Frosting



1 1/2 cups sugar

2 large egg whites, room temperature

1/3 cup water

2 tsp light corn syrup

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

1 tsp vanilla extract



Whisk sugar, egg whites, 1/3 cup water, light corn syrup, and cream of tartar in large metal bowl to blend. Set bowl over saucepan of barely simmering water (do not allow bottom of bowl to touch simmering water). Using handheld electric mixer, beat on medium speed until mixture resembles soft marshmallow fluff, about 5-7 minutes.

Increase mixer speed to high and beat until mixture is very smooth and thick, about 3 minutes longer. Remove bowl from over simmering water. Add vanilla extract and continue beating until marshmallow frosting is completely cool, about 5-7 minutes longer.



Assembly

Using a butter knife or a small offset spatula, frost each cupcake with a layer of the cooled marshmallow frosting by placing a dollop of icing in the center of the cupcake (on top of the cut out circle of cake) and spreading from the center to the sides of the cupcake.

Dip a wooden toothpick or skewer into some leftover cherry pie filling and poke two fang-holes, about 3/4 inch apart, in the frosting on one side of the cupcake. Dribble a little extra filling from the holes for effect.

Repeat until all cupcakes are frosted and decorated. You will probably have frosting leftover for another batch if you are baking more.



Makes 18 vampire cupcakes.

BLOODY PULL APART BRAINS
07:38 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 500

INGREDIENTS:



1 package (24-count size) frozen Parker-House rolls

1 small box butterscotch pudding mix

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup melted margarine

3/4 cup pecans

candied cherries to decorate



PREPARATION:



Grease a bundt pan. Place pecans and cherries in the bottom of the pan. Place frozen rolls over the the pecans (do NOT defrost).



Sprinkle the pudding mix over then rolls, then sprinkle on the brown sugar. Drizzle the melted margarine over the whole thing. Cover with waxed paper and a towel. Let stand overnight, or at least 8 hours.



Bake at 350 degrees F. for 40 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes and then invert onto a serving plate.



OH MY GOD WHEN YOU PUT ON THE SERVING PLATE IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE BRAINS..LOL

BLOODY POPCORN
07:35 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 502

INGREDIENTS:



popped popcorn

butter

red food coloring paste



PREPARATION:



Combine butter and a little of the red food coloring. Drizzle over popped popcorn. Can use other food coloring pastes too for gross effects such as green or black. The paste food colorings works best but liquid can be used too.

EDIBLE DIRT
07:33 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 503






8 ounces cream cheese, softened

4 tablespoons margarine, softened

1 cup powdered sugar

2 boxes instant chocolate pudding mix

3 1/2 cups milk

12 ounces Cool Whip, thawed

1 package Oreo cookies, crushed



PREPARATION:



Cream together the cream cheese, margarine and sugar. Mix together pudding, milk and Cool Whip. Combine chocolate mixture with creamed mixture. Stir well.



In a clean flowerpot, layer mixture with crushed Oreo cookies, ending with cookies on top. Add silk flowers and plastic shovel for serving.

BLEEDING TRUFFLES
07:31 Aug 21 2011
Times Read: 504

You won’t be able to resist biting into these Bleeding Truffles! These innocent-looking chocolate truffles contain a surprise center of red jam that oozes out when you bite into the truffles. For best results, use a jam with a bright-red color, or add some red food coloring to your jam. These delicious, clever candies are perfect for Halloween parties, scary movie nights, or vampire-themed parties.

Ingredients:

9 ounces bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped

2/3 cup cream

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/3 cup red jam, like strawberry or raspberry

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

Preparation:



1. Prepare a baking sheet by lining it with aluminum foil or parchment paper. Place the chopped chocolate in a large bowl.



2. Place the cream in a small saucepan and scald it until bubbles being to appear around the sides of the pan, but do not allow it to boil. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate and allow it to soften and melt the chocolate for 30 seconds.



3. Using a whisk, gently stir to incorporate the cream and chocolate. Add the vanilla and stir until well-combined, but do not stir too vigorously or you will incorporate air bubbles. This is your “ganache.”



4. Cover the truffle mixture with cling wrap and allow it to cool to room temperature. Once cool, refrigerate until it is firm enough to mold, about 2-3 hours.



5. Here comes the messy part! Coat your hands with cocoa powder, and have extra powder nearby in a shallow plate or pie pan. Using a teaspoon or cookie dough scoop, scoop out a small ball of ganache. Flatten it between your palms until it is a thin round. It should be easy to work with, and not too soft or sticky. If you’re already having problems flattening your truffle, your ganache is too soft, and it should be chilled further until easier to work with.



6. Place a tiny spoonful of jam in the center, and fold the truffle over the jam to cover it completely. This step is messy, and can be difficult at first, but remember that candy making is supposed to be fun, and it’s okay to have a few misshapen truffles! Roll the truffle between your palms to get a round shape, rolling it in more cocoa powder if necessary to prevent sticking and to give it a matte finish. Put the completed truffle on the prepared baking sheet and repeat with remaining ganache and jam.



7. Once all of the Bleeding Truffles are formed, place the truffle tray back in the refrigerator to firm up the truffles for about 1 hour. Store Bleeding Truffles in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to a week. Allow them to sit at room temperature for 15-20 minutes before serving for best taste and texture. If they will be sitting at room temperature for extended periods, they will become soft, so I recommend serving them in small candy cups so they’re easier and less messy to handle.

THINGS CHANGE..
21:59 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 522

People used to explore the dimensions of reality by taking LSD to make the world look weird.

Now the world is weird and they take Prozac to make it look normal.



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."



What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?



Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was bonkers, crazy, nuts, f***ed up beyond any control, and trapped in a rubber room wearing a jacket that hugs myself. I'm still smiling though!



Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.



If people could read my mind, I'd probably be put in a mental institute or jail .. lol



I'm not weird. I'm limited edition

FAMILY
21:53 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 524

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.---The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective.

MOTHERS
21:51 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 525

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together....The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ...A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don't even have.

TO ALL MEN (WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR)
21:49 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 527

To all the men who say "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you....80% of woman are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig for a little sausage!!!! Keep this going girls, too funny not to repost....lol!



God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time...





A man comes home and shouts... "Honey pack your bags I hit the lottery" To which she replies "OMG! What should I pack?" He says "Everything B*tch, you got to go."





How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.



How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.



What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.and then he created women..



What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.



Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.



Redneck At The Bar

A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in.



With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.



The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.



The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly.



He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti.



He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar.



The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.



The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?"



The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.



As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"



The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.



Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"



The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.



Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

SO MANY BAD THINGS
21:48 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 529

Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Coke and ice will ruin your teeth. Tequila and ice will ruin your reputation ...... WOW - who knew??!!! Apparently ice is lethal !!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!! Copy & paste this immediately, it may safe a friends life!

vampire cake
04:06 Aug 14 2011
Times Read: 538

2 boxes of red velvet cake

2 boxes of chewy brownie mix

3 jars of cream cheese icing

and i pack black liquorice-for decoration only

a jar of marachino cherries -for decoration only

2 round cake pans the same size



follow the instructions on the boxes of cake mix and brownies 2 packages of brownies in 1 bowl mix well and 2 boxes of cake mix in another bowl mix well. spray your cake pans with cooking spraying so the brownies and cake do not stick,,,in one cake pan pour the cake mix in the other pour the cake mix..follow baking instructions..when they are done let cool..place the red velvet cake on a round serving tray or plate..ice down with cream cheese icing..place the brownie cake on top of thatuse remaining 2 icings and ice the entire cake . take the liqourice and cut into small peices..insert one small peice of liquorice into the center of the cherry so it showsmake any sign you want by placing the finished cherries in the shape of any sign you desire if you have chocolate syrup and caramel syrup on hand just squeeze strands of both all over the rest of the cake....i promise it will not only look awesome but it will taste awesome...