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5am asleep



And so here i lie asleep in my womb

floating on the clouds and dreaming of earth

jestski'n throught the skies, we escape

love is forever, love is fleeting

please come and join me for another memory

As We fly through another revilary

We can sleep and we can dream just you and me

Everyone is here, and we float

isles to isles, stautes to volcano's

we are free, and we are just

And so here i lie asleep in my womb

Wishing that we'd never awake

because i could spend eternity with you

and never have a regret

Take it all, in a full stride

Love is Forever Love id Fleeting

If only we had tyme forever,

Tyme for you and me



-love ZAni

I Wonder



I Wonder...When things will change. I Wonder why things have to be the way they are. I Wonder why Chocolate Milk Doesn't come from Chocolate Cows. I Wonder why A Father can Dis-own it's only son. I Wonder Why My Parents hate each other. I Wonder why My Dad Married the Buisness. I Wonder if i'll become like him. I Wonder why I Am up at 5-30 am ish. I Wonder if She'll come down tomarrow to see me. I Wonder if she is still mad at me. I Wonder what she thinks about, what she ponders. I Wonder if I am going up there tomarrow. I Wonder why people get second chances. I Wonder if People can do right When taught wrong. I Wonder why lyfe is a continueing circle of pessmists and sadness. I Wonder why i intrerpret this as pain. I Wonder why things can always be beautiful and majestic. I Wonder why People can't afford to eat. I Wonder why we don't help those people, who can't afford to live. I Wonder why there is war. I Wonder why Goverments are always such whores. I Wonder why people can't trust me. I wonder when they'll try again. I Wonder how i broke their faith in me. I Wonder why i went to a movie three years ago with a few people. I Wonder why it's such a big deal that a few of them were good friends of her. I wonder why she is so worried about the past. I wonder why i'm not. I Wonder why all we did was talk about her. I Wonder why i was so madly in-tuned to her. I Wonder whyi said i love you. I Wonder what love is. I Wonder why i continued to talk to stalker. I Wonder whyi put her pictures up here. I Wonder, Am i trying to hurt her more, or am i trying to apoligize for not being intrested? I wonder how i can rebuild Sarah's trust. I Wonder why i just said that. I Wonder why I've said that before. I wonder why i've lied. I Wonder why i'm un-confident in my abilties to keep her emotionally attached to me. I Wonder why Vanilla Coke is so much better in a can than a bottle. I wonder why i quit smoking at the most stressfull tyme in my lyfe. I wonder why She tried to kill herself. I Wonder why my sister is suicidal. I wonder why she failed. I Wonder why the past is so haunting. I wonder why people look into the past to determine the future. I wonder why I'm not believable. I Wonder why She doesn't hate me. I wonder why car is white. I Wonder why i wore my seat belt on the way back from my parents house last night. I wonder why i'm so spooked. I wonder why i won in Stratego yesterday. I wonder why i missed my morning shift. I wonder why i'm so lazy. I Wonder why i'm not excited. I Wonder why things are the way they are. I wonder why pigs can't fly. I wonder why we breathe air. I wonder why the air is free. I wonder why I worry. I wonder why i forgot. I Wonder, Am i full of shit, or do you wonder, am i just Me...

I Wonder if she'll trust me again. I Wonder if i can Trust her again.

-Zani- is very very sleep/nicotine deprived.- and just got done watching a depressing movie-

-ciao-

We layed, watching the fan spin fast

the vodka contained no glue

I called, on the company line

trying to figure out why i did what i did

My friends sat and we cheered all night long

Being single never felt so good

i woke up in the morning, pain in my side

I went to wake you, but you were never ever there

I sat upright, staring at the wall

what happened last night?

Where are you?

four days of partying, four days of intoxication

four days without you

and i began to relize, why they were happy

why they seemed so damn satiisfied.

because i got what i deserved

reaching for a pole, i got out of bed, and went upstairs

brushing my teeth, cleaning my thoughts

i miss the little things i seem to remember

i think the problem is that i remember too much

or, neverending struggle in my head

i made a desicon, i went with it

i'm so tired, i'm sick of running

can i please just come home?

How long can i atone before i lose what little i have left?

Its hard to call when you don't awnser the phone

It's hard to come in without a key

You were right,you were wrong

let the past be, has my pinaclle past?

is my future truly my past?

I'm way too old for this.

I think she's toying with me

I think she wants revenge

I think she's sorry

I took the ring, i tossed it aside

i refused to wear it because i lost

i failed. Everyone.

My head Wasn't straight. My thoughts were still clouded.

Now i can focus, now i know what i want.

Some more of that vodka

so i can get over being with you

again.



I wrote this on 3/1 on a very drunken night. only theres another 77 pages to it

ouch right? I Just don't want to be toyed with. I don't want to be second guessing or a second on the list. I don't want to lose, but i want to gain. Just, speak the truth, tell me what you want, tell my why-then ill tell you the soluton to mine.

-zani-

And, so, lost in a whirl

we travel the cosmos depths

seeing the reflection of a bloodlust mind

infested in your eyes

i pause to, rememeber, why i traveled here

and i pause again, to lick those dried up tears

before i head out, and we must sai goodbye

i pause, finally, to snap your neck

in a sweet lullaby