05:18 Feb 01 2025
Times Read: 24
Recently I mentioned my middle sister's falling out with her husband. Now it's my oldest sister, I was out to dinner having a good time when my niece calls to say that asshole just up and left after a screaming match that never should've happened in front of her. I went over there, and I told her what I told our other sister... First, be fucking done with men. Second, let's get our other sister over here, time to hex this motherfucker. And this is my oldest sister's third time being married because she's obsessed with having that fairytale ending that just doesn't exist. I don't know if true love even exists anymore cause it kinda seems like no one is willing to work or sacrifice for it. Everyone just wants what's convenient, whatever is there in front of them, whatever is available instantly. And that's, in my experience, how it is when you meet people, no body wants to work on building a relationship, they just want it instantly, they want the love or the sex or the commitment right away instead of getting to know you. No one wants to take the time to get to know each other anymore. And that's a big part of why I'm happy being single because I cannot be bothered to put effort into people who give me zero-minimum effort which seems to be the typical attitude of 30-year old "men." I dunno what happened to the motherfuckers now in their 30s, but collectively... severely emotionally stunted man-babies who are either immediately in love with you or just want to bang. There is no in-between, there is no healthy relationship, they want one extreme or the other with no effort. And then they bitch, and whine, "Well women like you with those opinions are the reasons I don't approach you." Fucking good, dude, cause I cannot name you a single guy over the last two years who approached me with the intention of getting to actually know me, but could probably name 50 whose near opening line was, "Omg, I love you," or, "Omg, you're so hot I just wanna lick you." Nah. With that as my coupling option, nah, I'm good on my own. I encourage both my sisters to get on that level. Cause you gotta be happy with yourself. You gotta take care of yourself. More than that my sisters need to focus on taking care of their children. Your husbands are grown-ass men, they can take care of themselves, they are responsible for themselves, and their own happiness. Your children rely a whole lot more on you, especially for emotional stability. My niece shouldn't have to call crying that her parents are screaming at each other that their marriage is over, that's not something to fucking do in front of your kids. If that's a marriage for you, you should let that shit go.
People often times think that Wolfie is the reason I've given up on men, and that's not the truth. My relationship with him was extremely complicated, but... it wasn't bad. It wasn't toxic. It wasn't abusive. Unfortunately, his mental illness eventually put him in a mindset where he just couldn't be in a relationship. And you also have to remember that Wolfie has a cycle wherein every couple years he destroys his own life. He lived in Europe before we met, he gave up his entire life there to move back to Denver. A couple years after moving back to Denver, starting his business, meeting me, buying a house, and getting back into college for his Master's, he drops ALL of that to take off to some Caribbean island for a job offer, boom, takes off over night. Literally, gives up on everything in his life to go do this, and to be fair he was struggling a lot at the time, especially with college, he'd wanted to give up on it months before, and I convinced him to keep going, but ultimately he gave it up. He was also having a really hard time living so close to his abusive mother who lied to him about planning on moving back to Russia, and bought a house close to his almost immediately after he bought the house for us. So he was looking for a reason to leave the US, and the job was a lot of money so I can't say he up, and left for nothing, but it's another instance of him dtopping his life, leaving everything behind, starting over because that's kinda the trend when things get too tough in his life, he just... abandons everything, starts over. And he's there on the island for a couple years, stuck there awhile because this was back in 2020, and when he's supposed to come back here finally, nah, decides he wants to move back to Europe. Sells everything here, basically abandons me, his friends/family there, another whole life he's built, just drops it. Spends the next couple years in Europe getting a job, renovating property he has there, desperately trying to figure out how to move me there, then suddenly... he's giving up on everything, he's running away, he's self-destructing. And it's hard to blame him for it, I don't think you can entirely blame him because it's how he grew up in an incredibly unstable home with incredibly abusive, unstable parents. But there is some accountability because he has talked to multiple therapists over the years who have all told him the same thing, stop running, stop moving constantly, find somewhere and stabilize, and he's just refused. Every time I thought he was stabilizing, and finally making progress, that's when the cycle restarts, and he takes off again. And it's been almost two years since his last, known to me anyway, self-destruct so... he's due for another. I'd like to think he's in a better place now, but do I actually believe that? No. I doubt he's happy, it's more likely that he's worse than ever. I think eventually he'll end up back in Denver because you have to realize at some point it doesn't matter where you are, where you live, where you run to when the issue is YOU. It doesn't matter how many times you reset everything around you when you can't reset yourself. You can fix your shit, you can heal, but there ain't no reset button on your back. He has genuine, legitimate, enormous issues, but they're not unfixable. And I hate that his mental illness has taken him there, has taken him away from love, and support, but... I can't force myself into his life if he aggressively pushes me out. I have always been adamant that if he wants me there then he will reach out because he's the one who pushed away. And I don't wanna hear, "Well he's just too afraid or too ashamed to talk to you." Get over it. Be a fucking man. Or don't, and stay the fuck away. Because I don't wanna be on anyone's life who doesn't want me there, who doesn't think that I bring something positive to their existence. I didn't give up on relationships because of Wolfie, and I'm not gonna sit here, and swear I'll never fall in love or fuck again. It's just that I've had zero interest in being in a relationship the last couple years, and that's ok, it's ok to be alone, to be selfish, to focus on yourself. And watching both of my sisters marriages tank... Seems like a good decision. Getting married was something I never cared about, I never dreamed about the big girly wedding. I always went along with the idea of getting married to my former partners because it's what they wanted, but honestly I couldn't care less. There was only ever one person I genuinely wanted to marry, I thought about it, I was happy about it, and... Maybe it's better this way.
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