The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Okay, so I thought I had men all figured out. Well, I guess the ones that are seriously insane, I will never get to. I tryed me best with him, and I failed terribly only to let him feel like he "won" I suppose. Since that is all he wants anyway... I actually thought I could make something out of us, wow, how stupid am I. If you get fooled once, it's not your fault. If you get fooled twice, it is. I keep trying and trying..and where do I get? WHAT do I get? Disappointment and pain. I guess when your already numb to it, it can't hurt you anymore. oooh, what a terrible feeling love can give you.

I was never told by my mother to follow my heart...I was never given advice on this topic at all. From what I know of it, from my personal experiances, is it's quite possibly the most painful thing you can go through. When you can love someone for who they actually are, why should anything else matter? I always feel like I make a great mate because I listen....ask questions...care. When is a guy actually interested in who I am? I may never find the answer I'm looking for, but I know potential when I see it.. I just don't want my heart broken anymore... Love is pain, pain is love... What is love anyway?

I feel the hot water pouring on my flesh. I feel it burning, and it won't stop. It burns, it burns...I can feel it burning. I scratch harder hoping to get this out of me, I dig my nails onto the flesh, but it only makes it appear redder. Demons get out of me, I want some inner peace. I've become unhuman. I am not a demon, but something is trying to take over me. There is no god, let me assure you of that. How many times I have cryed for help, and no one answers my prayers. I don't know how much longer I can take this, this is my cry for help. Let me go, let my spirit fly. I will haunt those who didn't believe me and be somwehere where I can find solitude. I don't want anyone around me when I am like this, no one knows how it feels. So here I am, alone again...don't come around me, or I will be forced to sin.

I also want to say that I'm sick of people underestimating me because I am a female or because of my age. True knowledge comes from the mind, not the years on this earth you have existed, or because you are a man. Just because you have a DICK doesn't mean you are master of this world. I know people 20 years older than me that are fucking stupid in some cases where I know much on. Don't try and fuck with me or go into battle with me, because I will win. When I tell you something, don't take it as a game or take it as if I'm lieing...You will soon realize that it was never good to try and make some competition out of me, because it will end up hurting you more than me.

I'm sure we've all heard that if we can't help ourselves, we can't help others. If we can't forgive ourselves, we can't forgive others. The most important one is if you can't love yourself, you can't love others. We build up so much hate for others, because it comes from within ourselves...we are sometimes disgusted by human existence in general. The most painful part comes from when you learn to truely realize the truth. You put the pieces together, and finally know that we can't change others no matter how hard we try. The truth is right in front of us, some just choose not to believe it. When you build up so much hope for a situation, it just lets you down and makes you fall 10 times harder. A little hope for yourself is good...only when you don't let that hope get out of control and make it unrealistic. That's why people are pathetic. Hope gets you no where, only time does. Once that time is up and past, you have to accept the truth or you will fail. Lieing to yourself is no good...you can't live up and feel pride in yourself when you lie about your true feelings and existence. Deeper understanding of something finally makes you realize the truth and pain all in one. I wish I could even say that I didn't want to know...but everyone has to face the facts sooner or later...the later it gets, the more that hope and pride was built up, and back down to falling to the lowest level again. Be true to yourself, before you try to be true to others, because we all know who's fake and who's not...and I know a fake when I see one.

I give up. This guy is fucking crazy, and I can't do anything to help him. This is his loss, not mine. GOODBYE hunny.

Revenge is something everyone wants. To me, it's something I must get, or else I feel weak. The greatest trick you can pull on someone, is making them THINK they are stronger than you. I will never give up, untill I get what I want. My motivation is to hurt everyone who has hurt me, let them get the sting back 10 times worse. It takes time, but in the end it's well worth it. Don't live in remorse or hurt...when you can get sweet revenge and feel pride in winning. Life is a game, right? You never get out playing fair.