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I don't know if anyone reads my sensless rants that I write but right now I really need to get something out before I break something else that isn't mine...



First off I'm freaking tired. My boss gave me more days to work this week and although I'm happy with more hours, my feet, legs, hips, knees, and back are not. I'm tired, I'm sore, and I'm just all around irritated. I hate people right now and don't want to be bothered with them. But everytime I come home and want peace and happiness and all around a more comfortable atmosphere all I get is a little sister who cries constantly because she hurts and won't let me touch her or even look at her because she doesn't want me, a step mom who is so caught up taking care of her that she sometimes forgets a few things around the house or something else (like one bill out of a pile of others) , and a dad who will go off because of that and then find other reasons to be mad at everyone else in the house.



This isn't something that happens just every so often...no...it's everytime I'm home...everytime I want to do something to keep everyone happy and it only seems like my very presence makes everyone hate eachother....I don't know what to do...I don't make nearly enough money to move out and find a place of my own...I'm stuck until I can.



Soon I'll have no car because my dad wants to take my car from me and give it to my other sister who is 17...she hasn't graduated or gotten a job...none of the things I had to do just for him to consider getting me one and helping with the insurance, because yes, I do pay for my own...but she's his baby...his biological first born and I'm just some accident he gave a name to...



Bottom line, I feel like shit and it seems like there's nothing I can do to help it...

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xxPAYNExx
06:33 May 27 2012

Tara... My door is always open.. Come talk to me... I'm here...

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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:27 May 28 2012

Tara, i know exactly how you feel, being the shadow child is not an easy thing to do, i was the adopted middle child in my family, my older brother was the golden mommy's boy and my sister had more in common with my dad then i did. so where did that leave me? In the shadows. Something ive done over the years is if your family really doesn't understand you for you and what you are , build your own. It helps because you will eventually find that common ground with people.

What your feeling will pass if you allow it to, this also is teaching you how to deal with people that may not particularly care for you or take advantage of you.

if you bought the car and are paying for the insurance and its in your name they technically can not take the car from you to give it to some one else. if you need some one to talk to i'm always around do not be a stranger. *Hugs Tara Tight * Your stronger then they are always remember that.

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I'm weak...seriously and honestly weak.



I don't know how to explain it...I'm sore, tired, and I can't stay active as much as I used to.



Some of it may be because of the fact that I haven't had a substantial amount of blood in so long...been alone for so long that I don't know how to persuade someone to donate without thoroughly freaking them out and scaring them away...I've never taken by force, that's what gets stupid, careless sangs into trouble and what gives us bad names. I'd rather the donation be consensual...after all, taking the blood of an unwilling donor is like raping them in a way. Violating them.



But I need to feed...if I don't soon I'm scared of what will happen...I've had episodes before after a long period of thirst....it was horrifying...even for me..

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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:32 May 28 2012

the more you fight it the worse it can get.

Try feeding on a steak as a temporary fix, it might help you calm those feeding nerves of yours :)

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She said to the stupid man in front of her.



*sighs* I am so tired of stupid people, I mean when will people grow a brain and realize that I don't give a fuck about how their day is going, or that they don't like my smile or that I don't smile enough. I'm having a shitty day and I don't want to smile. I want to bash your brains in with my cash register so I can watch the other stupid people scatter and scream as I watch in pure pleasure of the fear I induced...



I can fantasize can't I?

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ApatheticMii
23:05 May 03 2012

Eat me? O_O.....*hides*

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I'm sooo tired. I had work at six this morning, ugh. They must like seeing me that early in the morning, Idk why, I'm fucking irritated when I have to wake up before noon at the earliest.



Hmm, hm hm h mmmm hehe I'm crazy.

Tell me tell me tell me somethin I don't know...

um...

damn I'm tired ...

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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:35 May 28 2012

Dont you just love it when you have to go in early and people are like SMILE ITS A GREAT DAY.

and you find yourself thinking Id be smiling if i was still in bed and didnt have to get up to see you guys this early. :D

I'm not much of a morning person myself luckily my job allows me to get up at 8 and be in by 945.

as far as being crazy its in our resume they just didn't read the fine print :D

rest well dear

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Ok, I don't know what it is but I'm always cold, even when it's hot I'm cold. I think the only time I'm not freezing is at work because of all the heat the machines make and the body heat from every one else. But yeah, idk why. Even when you touch me I'm cold. Do I know generate heat at all or something?

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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:39 May 28 2012

lack of circulation perhaps?

i know i have cold hands and cold feet most of the time, but i put off soo much heat i feel like a furnace.

ive never understood that one either.

id say try focusing your thoughts on generating heat from with in some times the mind can make you think your warm in the coldest environments just to get your through the problem of being cold.

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I wonder, have you ever heard of the vampire that works at McDonalds? No? Have you ever met one? No?

Wrong! You just did. Hi how ya doin'?

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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:40 May 28 2012

never heard of this, but pleased to meet you anyways :D

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