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So wasting time today like always and browsing reddit. See a super cute thread about a proposal and a puppy.



Go to read the comments and see the two most depressing and harrowingly true comments:



"I often feel that that moment of magic, that spark, will never happen again. I am never lonely, but always lonely because the women in my life now never move me to feel the same way. Even if that past relationship was not as rosy as I'd made it out to be, and even now knowing that I would not be able to stand the person she is, the feelings I had for her will always haunt my current relationships. Complete contentment--a feeling, correct or not, that this girl was all I needed...and for whom I would look past problems she may have had or things she may have did. And while I have been with women since who arguably were "better" than her (and certainly kinder to me) I am not willing to dive into the level of commitment I did with her, move in as I did with her, realistically consider MARRIAGE, because I don't have that same, crazy feeling.

I like to think that I now have perspective. That I know what love feels like--it is complete irrationality, a feeling that you cannot attribute to any particular traits, shared experiences, or circumstance. I like to think that my experience with her, albeit incredibly negative in the end, has made me appreciate what that feeling is, that that feeling is not always shared, and that you cannot do anything to change that.

I will go home tonight and call one of the girls I have been casually seeing. We will have fun. But in my head, I will never have that dream of being with this one forever, holding her out as my partner, processing the idea that this girl really makes me feel amazing.

I will question the perspective I think I have gained, and wonder if I am letting my best true options slip past me while I chase a feeling that may no longer be possible, or may not even exist. I guess this is what forces us to "settle." The problem is, you may never know if you are settling, and you may never know that crazy feeling again if you harbor the feelings I do. Here's to experience, to new beginnings, to discovering that feeling somewhere. Cheers."



and then this one :



Pour one for me too. Then we can force ourselves to bond while we drink together, trying to convince ourselves all the while that we're actually part of something special. It happens for everyone else, falling in love, why can't it happen to us? Sure you don't look as good as the girl sitting 2 tables away from us, and maybe I didn't pick up on that joke you made that you were really proud of. Maybe the song playing in the bar reminds us both, independently, of a time we'd spent with someone we'd cared about in the past. Someone we wish we were still with. Someone who is married now and we want to hate them for leaving us but we know deep down that they made the right choice. They are married now and have kids and the love that overflows from their lives seems to sap the color out of ours every time we meet them on the street and politely chat with them like they're nothing more than a polite acquaintance. But deep inside we're screaming. Screaming at this fucking world for not working out. Screaming at how she looks so fucking beautiful that she's glowing. He must really be making her happy.

Let's finish our drinks and agree to meet up again. We'll both see it in the other's eyes: we're settling. We'll tell ourselves that we can grow to love each other. We'll lie to ourselves that we're excited about learning to love each other. We'll ignore the fact that with those people we miss we didn't have to learn. We'll ignore the fact that the first time we saw them the world faded away briefly before bursting back into life with newer and more vibrant colors.

Pick you up at 8.







.... I need a drink -_-