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I'll bring the shovel

are you tired of all those sissy 'friendship' poems that alwayssound good, but never actualy come close to reality? well, heres is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1) when you are sad- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2)when you are blue- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3) when you smile- I will know you finally got laid

4) when you are scared- I wil rag on you every chance I get.

5) when you are worried- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6)when you are confused- I will use little words.

7)when you are sick- stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8)when you fall- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

this is my path... I pledge it till the end

why? you may ask.

because you are my friend.

remember" a good friend will help you move. a really good friend will help you move a body. let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

a good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "damn... that was fun!"

"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -john lennon

"it is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have ones doubts."

One day in the Garden of Eden, eve calls out to god, “lord I have a problem!”

“What is the problem, eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these beautiful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord I’m lonely and sick to death of apples.”

“Well, eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What is a man lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you are complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart so he’ll need you advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” says eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch?”

“Yeah, well… you can have him on one condition.”

“What’s that lord?”

“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. So just remember it’s our secret, woman to woman!”



and god said: let there be light! (click goes the light switch)