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Today I printed off some resumes and dropped them off at a bunch of stores. Unfortunately I cannot be a stay at home mom right now. If we are to have food and a roof over our heads I am going to have to work. My boyfriend does not make enough money currently to support us on his own.

The city I live in is ridiculously expensive. I wish rent and food were not so expensive. This world of ours revolves around money unfortunately. I wish money was not so important and necessary to live.

I am feeling a lot better today now that I have gotten out of the house and have actually done something productive instead of sitting at home all day.

Audrey is spending the night at her grandmothers to give my boyfriend and I some time to ourselves.

Things have been a lot less stressful lately, I am so happy about that. Stress is a killer.

I really hate how inactive the Coven and Mentorship are that I belong to here on Vampire Rave. I want to be able to have conversations and get to know like minded people here on Vampire Rave. That is why I made an account and why I've bothered leveling up my profile. I guess I should just keep on working on leveling up my profile and being active when I can.

I understand people have jobs and lives. I just sadly do not have those things right now so I try to live through this website. Quite a sad and lonely life I have chosen for myself. I need to get out of the house more and create a social life for myself other than through the internet. I need to talk face to face with people and stop being such a hermit.

Right now I am feeling so ignored and neglected. I know this is not true, but it is how I am feeling right now. I feel so trapped in this house. I need to get out of here and do something with my life. I cannot sign up for school until next term, I missed registration for this term unfortunately. On top of that I do not have the funds to start school. I need to contact student loans and get that dealt with. There is so much I need to do that it causes me high anxiety and I just shut down and do not want to do anything.

I do not like how I go from one day feeling fantastic and the next day I am feeling down and depressed. I am experiencing emotional whiplash. I do not know how much longer I can stand this, this unhappiness I have been feeling. I need to not let my depression and anxiety has such power and control over me and my life. I need to step forward and make the much needed change. I just don't know where or how to start.

I am feeling so sexually frustrated lately that I am miserable and unhappy. My partner is so stressed and tired from work that he never wants to have sex. I do not know how much longer I can stand this. I told him today how I've been feeling and he didn't say much other than the usual "I'm broken from the stress of work."

How can we have a healthy, happy relationship if we never have sex? The answer to that is, we can't. Sure sex is not everything in a relationship, but it is a large part of it. Humans need to have sex to stay happy and healthy in my opinion.

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Oodelollie
06:13 Sep 22 2015

*hug* I'm sorry. I know how this feels.

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It's only 10:52 am and I am already feeling bored, on edge and unhappy. So far today I've watched some Netflix, browsed facebook, played some video games, and browsed Vampire rave.

Audrey is asleep in her swing at the moment. She has been a very easy baby the past couple days, which is nice.

SO fucking bored and unhappy...

Today I am feeling quite depressed and lonely. I dont have a reason to be feeling this way, I just do.

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AnfauglirXjawsofthirst
09:40 Sep 12 2015

Hopefully tomorrow will be a beautiful day. I wish for you the best day ever

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I managed to have a lovely day with my two loved ones. My boyfriend played video games and Audrey and I relaxed. I managed to get a 4 hour nap in, which was awesome. I hadnt gotten any sleep for 3 days previous because of insomnia. Hopefully my insomnia doesnt come back any time soon, that was brutal.

So far no plans for tomorrow. I was hoping to color my hair tomorrow but we do not have the money for that right now. Next week I will hopefully color my hair. Today I trimmed and reshaved the sides of my hair. My hair feels so much better now.

I have felt a spark of inspiration within me. This continous spark is going to start a blaze, a blaze of creativity for the art of writing. It has been quite some time since I have felt such an urge to write. This urge is so strong, so powerful that if I were to ignore it I would go insane. I cannot ignore this feeling, this buring withint my soul. I have been craving this feeling for many months. During my pregnancy with Audrey, I didnt feel such drive to do anything. I was stuck in a fog of depression. I felt miserable as I got farther and farther long. I felt self concious because of my increasing size. I had people telling me that I must stop ranting and complaining about my discomfort and depression. I had people attack me and rip me down for expressing my emotions. I will no longer tolerate this from my peers. I will write when I feel I must and I will express myself accordingly. I will not stay silenced because the people around me cannot handle me showing them the agony that I experience within every passing hour. My depression and anxiety constantly stalk me and make me their slave. I must release the tension and stress that builds, or I will lose what little sanity I have left. I will lose my temper like I did only two days ago, I will scream and shout until I have been heard and my point has been made clear. I have a fire within my belly and it must be set free. Writing is the only way for this fire, this intensity to be let go.

I am not one to ever hide my emotions, and I never will be one to. My sadness or happiness will always be aparent. I wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see, and that is why I am hurt so badly by the ones around me. I am delicate, yet I am powerful. I will never stop helping my fellow men, I will never stop loving the ones who I hold dear. Although I have been hardened by my experiences, I have not let it destroy my passion for helping others. I feel happiness when I know I have helped someone in a time of great struggle. This kindness is rarely returned to me unfortunately, but I have slowly learned to accept this. I have learned that I do not gain happiness from people helping me, but I gain it from me helping others. There is not greater feeling than that of helping someone who cannot help themselves in that moment of time.

I am feeling incredibly bored tonight. Audrey is asleep and my boyfriend is watching something on Netflix. I am sitting on the couch browsing facebook and posting here on Vampire Rave, as always. I have a candle and some incense burning to make the living room smell nice.

I dont know what I am going to do tomorrow. Probably sit around the house and take care of Audrey. My hand is sore from when I punched the wall yesterday night. My boyfriend got on my last nerve and I took it out on the wall and bedroom door. I have not been that angry in a very very long time. It was a bit refreshing to get that anger out. Ive been holding in my rage for years now.