The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i think some people take this web sight way to seriously



i enjoy coming here , but the drama people have because they were put in a coven or worry about there status the devot 24/7 its kinda sad

i really like going swiming at the lake, i feel weight less. and i am able to exerces a lot more then i have been able to. i could spend 2 hours doing laps and feel the burn in a good way rather then 10 minutes walking up hill and ready to die lol

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.



Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."



"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."







One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."







Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?

A: Sensuous they use the feather,

Kinky they use the whole chicken.







The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.



"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."



"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"



Mr. Miller turned to his wife: "Show him your tooth, Honey."







Q: What do you call a gay hairy 300 pound German rubber fetishist?

A: A Gummi Bear.







Warning - A really bad riddle:



Q: Why did the submissive cross the road?

A: Because her Master told her to.







Q: How do you stop a submissive/slave from blinking?

A: Unplug them.







True Masochist to a True Sadist: Hurt me.

True Sadist to a True Masochist: No.







You know you are kinky when ...



... You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"



... Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.



... You give a new song a rating of 65....it's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.



... You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.



... You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month.



... Canning season gets you *really* excited.



... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you think to yourself, "Gee, some people are BLATANT about being out. YKIOKIJNMK"



... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor Dom/me needs a PERSON to cane.



... Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.



... You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.



... Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.



... Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.



... They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at *four* local leather shops.



... You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.



... Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.





The top ten reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea:



#10. You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain.



#9. You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys.



#8. With a little body english and a short copper wire, you can pick up

pay-per-view if the weather is right.



#7. You can now jump car batteries without cables.



#6. With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash

renting yourself out to Club parties.



#5. Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for

your husband or boyfriend.



#4. You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring.



#3. Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life.



#2. Hanging ten is childs play. Hanging by two?? Now thats impressive!



#1. Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend.



The top ten reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea:



#10. Perpetual delays at airport security scanners.



#9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers.



#8. A friend asks to see your ring and in a blonde moment you almost do it.



#7. For some reason, combs will seem like threats.



#6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.



#5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.



#4. You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.



#3. The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning.



#2. Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures.



#1. Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other people

anymore.







Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a sub say to their Master



How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?

Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!

Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?

God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!

And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?

Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?

Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!

Who died and left you in charge?

Do your own damn laundry!

And the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master...



What do I look like, your maid?





You Might Be A Wannabe (Doms)



If you ever use the phrase "A real sub wouldn't have a problem doing that"... you might be a Wannabe If you think the word "submissive" means the same thing as "easy"... you might be a Wannabe



If you think leading your sub around by a leash in the supermarket is appropriate entertainment for everyone... you might be a Wannabe



If you think it's perfectly acceptable to address all submissives as "slut"... you might be a Wannabe



If you think SSC stands for "See Submissives Cower"...you might be a Wannabe



If your vanity plate reads "MSTR-2-U"... you might be a Wannabe



If you enter a chat room and command all the subs to call you Sir... you might be a Wannabe



If you're trying to book a flight to GOR... you might be a Wannabe



If you think all subs put out on the first date... you might be a Wannabe



If you think the only purpose for nipple piercing is to have a place to hang your car keys... you might be a Wannabe



If you think the GOR novels are based in fact... you might be a Wannabe



If you can't understand why a sub refuses to meet you for the first time alone at your place... you might be a Wannabe



If you think limits are nothing you need to consider seriously... you might be a Wannabe



If you think safewords are for sissies... you might be a Wannabe



If you think placing a "Sir" or "Master" in front of your nick name automatically makes you a Dom... you might be a Wannabe



If you think R/L is just like cyber... you might be a Wannabe



If you think using lube for fisting or anal play is too kind... you might be a Wannabe (or a really mean sadist)



If you have to constantly refer to the owner's manual to use your toys... you might be a Wannabe



If you think Dom's can't show their feelings and need to be cold and aloof... you might be a Wannabe



If you have any reason to fear ATF Agents could confiscate your toys... you might be a Wannabe



If you think the KGB Interrogation Manual is the definitive "how to" book for BDSM... you might be a Wannabe.



If you think sterile needles for play piercing are too expensive to only use once... you might be a Wannabe



If household items don't inspire you (wooden spoons, clothespins, etc.)... you might be a Wannabe



If you think electricity play consists of plug in socket/exposed wires touching sub... you might be a Wannabe



If you think a bullwhip is the best choice for a warm up tool... you might be a Wannabe







You Might Be A Wannabe (Subs)



If you don't know what "R/L" means... you might be a Wannabe



If you think it's not necessary to communicate what you need or want to your Dom because what you want is not important... you might be a Wannabe



If you've never considered the possibility that your online Master is really a 14-year-old named Jason... you might be a Wannabe.



If you think being collared and spanked online qualifies you as an experienced sub... you might be a Wannabe.



If you think you have no limits... you might be a Wannabe



If you think using your safeword means you're not a "real" sub... you might be a Wannabe



If you consent to wearing a Dom/Domme's brand at your first R/L session with Him or Her... you might be a Wannabe



If you think bruises and broken limbs are standard bdsm play....you might be a Wannabe



If you think you must have total respect for anyone who calls himself/herself Dom/Domme... you might be a Wannabe



If you think the best sub is the one who can stand the most pain... you might be a Wannabe



If you think R/L is just like cyber... you might be a Wannabe



If you consent your first live meet with a Dom/me without using a safety net... you might be a Wannabe



If you think being a sub is all about being abused... you might be a Wannabe



If you think CBT means "Come and Bring Toys"... you might be a Wannabe



If you have to remove your collar so your Master can walk his dog... you might be a Wannabe (and your Dom is really cheap)



If you think sub-space is the cage a Dom keeps His or Her sub in... you might be a Wannabe



If you think enemas are only given for medicinal purposes...you might be a Wannabe



If you think submission means never saying "no"... you might be a Wannabe



If you have to spit out your chewing tobacco before you can be gagged... you might be a redneck as well as a Wannabe

saw this and laughed my ass off





Are you stuck in Nigeria and need to come back to America?



No Problem...



Go to the nearest American Embassy address below...



ABUJA-Plot 1075 Diplomatic Drive

Central District Area, Abuja.

Telephone: (234)-9-461-4000

Fax: (234)-9-461-4171



LAGOS-2 Walter Carrington Crescent, Victoria Island, Nigeria

Telephone: (234)-1-460-3400, 460-3600 (ACS only)

Fax: (234)-1-261-2218



OR



Since you have internet access, have someone from the consulate generals of Nigeria email me. To make things easier for you their email address is Consularabuja@state.gov Make sure to tell them your full story and that you would like them to contact me on your behalf. They can send the email to "BullshitEmail@Juno.com"



I will verify through diplomatic channels that the person is with the US Embassy.



THEN,



I will send a non-refundable, airline ticket to the American Embassy in care of them for you.

I OWE MY MOTHER



1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going

to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."



2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of

the carpet."



3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"



4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."



5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and

break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."



6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,

in case you're in an accident."



7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something

to cry about."



8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth

and eat your supper."



9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt

on the back of your neck!"



10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that

spinach is gone."



11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if

a tornado went through it."



12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told

you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"



13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this

world, and I can take you out."



14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like

your father!"



15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less

fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."



16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get

home."



17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when

you get home!"



18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing

your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."



19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I

know when you are cold?"



20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your

toes, don't come running to me. "



21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your

vegetables, you'll never grow up."



22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."



23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do

you think you were born in a barn?"



24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll

understand."



And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll

have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".