The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

boundaries

"Should I just not accept that he tells me he's

going to call?"



Great question.



Here's the thing...



It's important for you to have "boundaries"

with men.



It's important for your own good, to help him

know what's fair game and what isn't and to lay

some constructive framework for a future

relationship.



A key step in every growing relationship is to

communicate what your personal boundaries are so

that the other person can learn to respect them.



But, in situations where you don't even know

the person very well, it's not as simple as just

laying it out there.



So... it's also important that you don't

communicate these boundaries in a pushy, weird,

needy, overly-sensitive way where men will

instantly pull away from you.



I know, I know... for lots of women this sounds

like a contradiction.



When they hear it they'll think...



"You mean I'm supposed to be "unpredictable"

and create attraction, but I'm also supposed to be

assertive enough to communicate my boundaries."



"This is too much hassle... I just want to be

me, and if a guy doesn't like it, then tough!"



It's no surprise that a lot of the women with

this attitude (and men) are single and home alone

on Friday nights watching David Letterman.



And wonder why their relationships just seem to

fall apart after a while... over and over.



The truth is, communicating boundaries and

creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually

exclusive activities.



AND... if you know how, these kinds of

situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to

create attraction and GROWTH between you and a

man.



If you know how to communicate with a man in

the right way, you can get the response that you

want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.



Which in your case might be for him to respect

your boundaries by calling if he says he's going

to call.



But if you don't get the subtle specifics of

how to communicate with a man this way, then often

times you'll come off as pushy or "bitchy" like

lots of other women do when they try to assert

boundaries early on with men.



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 10:14pm (PST)

unpredictable

Attraction doesn't take place when a man thinks

inside his mind, "Gee, she's smart, cultured, well

traveled, etc., I think I'm going to feel

attracted to her."



That's not how it works at all... just like

that's not how you become interested and attracted

in men.



It's MUCH more subconscious.



Think chemistry.



Can a man "reason" with you so that you feel

ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?



Didn't think so.



But he can DO things that will make you FEEL

ATTRACTION, even if you're not really "choosing"

to be attracted to him.



Well, the same is true for a man who's just

meeting you...



And sure, the things that are "logically

attractive" like travel in Europe don't hurt...

but they're really just window-dressing for the

things that are going on underneath the surface in

our minds and emotions.



What makes a man feel attracted is the

EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates

with him or guides him to.



Attraction is a largely SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING

that comes in response to the unexpected, the

unpredictable, and the things that can't help but

draw us in to connect in an emotional way.



So let's land the plane here...



If you want a man to call back, give him a

"reason" that's interesting, unpredictable, fun,

etc.



But most importantly, it's got to be a reason

that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.



If you do something less predictable, like tell

him,



"Hey, since you're going to Europe, if you're

good I'll tell you a few secrets about what makes

the French such great lovers... or great cooks...

whichever you're more curious about..."



Now that's sure to get a man's attention... and

keep it so that he'll call you back.



Notice that this still says everything you want

to say to a man about wanting to connect with him

again.



But it does it in a fun, interesting, teasing,

challenging and unpredictable way that keeps him

thinking about you and guessing.



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 10:12pm (PST)

super-sized friend approach

This approach is usually followed up by offers

to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.



Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.



And it's further destroyed by trying any

excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future

plans together.



See what's happening here?



And yeah, there's always exceptions to the

rules.



Women who are so naturally attractive to men,

physically and "socially", can and do take the

more casual and friendly approach... and it works

great for them.



But we're not talking about those situations.



We're talking about the situations where things

unfortunately don't fall into place so

effortlessly.



Ok, so back to creating "reasons" that actually

get men to call back.



Let's start by talking about why the "reason"

is so important... and then we'll get into a

specific example.



The "reason" you create for a man to reconnect

with you is important because it builds the entire

CONTEXT and MEANING in a man's mind of how he

thinks about you after he leaves...



That reason you give is a large part of what

determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling

(or not calling).



So here's how to create great "reasons" with a

man...



First off, stop making future plans with men

for first dates around things that are BORING,

everyday, and PREDICTABLE.



Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool,

sophisticated, cultural and all kinds of great

things.



And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites,

art history, etc. can interest a man

intellectually.



And I have to admit that traveling to Europe

has involved some of the most romantic moments of

my life.



These are great things to talk about with a man

in random conversations.



But guess what?



Planning a man's trip with a man is NOT going

to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you

just because you've become his travel guide.



Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of

chore for some people... especially men.



In other words, you could hope that the romance

of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow

through some magic "transference" as you talk

about them...



Or...



You could start doing the things that will make

him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in

YOU.



With me here?



Good.



You've got to remember...



Attraction isn't created by "logic."



A man doesn't talk to a woman about Europe and

become fascinated and sexually charged by her

knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel or the

fine wines of France's Bordeaux region.



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 10:10pm (PST)

bf attitude

CREATING "REASONS" FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK



You already "get"

some of what to do, like teasing and challenging,

but that you don't quite know yet how to put it to

work in your dating life.



Let's change that.



Here's how...



You need to start creating exciting reasons for

a man to want to see you again.



I'll repeat that so you hear it again and take

the time to let it sink in...



You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for

a man to WANT to see you again.



I'll give you a minute to think about what that

means...



Ok, come back.



There's something lots of single women do when

they meet guys and want to see them again.



And it makes it so that the man isn't very

interested or excited to reconnect with the woman

afterwards.



It's when a woman tries to come up with any old

reason under the sun to "reconnect" with a man,

not realizing how important the "reason" actually

is.



It usually goes something like this...



Woman meets man.



Man and woman start to connect.



They talk about "interesting" stuff and the

woman becomes interested in the man.



The man enjoys the conversation and talking to

the woman, who's a great person and seems

attractive.



The woman feels a connection and assumes that

he must feel it too since it's there.



The man asks for her number and she kind of

"lets down her guard" and becomes very friendly

with him and feels comfortable.



The woman then starts talking about the things

that they can do together when they see each other

next, based on the conversational topics they had.



The man's attraction, intrigue and interest in

the woman suddenly drops off.



End of story.



So what happened here?



In short, the woman stopped doing the things

she was "naturally" and subconsciously doing at

first that made the man feel attracted to her and

instead, started treating him like a sort of "best

friend."



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 10:08pm (PST)

positive attitude

isn't it better for someone to just like

you for you?



Maybe.



But what if there's a real and genuine "you"

that men just need some help to see with so much

other stuff going on?



And what if you're hiding that away because of

your frustrations from the past or fears about

what might happen in the present?



Here's a radical thought...



With things not going exactly how you want them

to go with your love life - imagine if you

actually changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns

of behavior with men to try and get a few

different results.



What are the odds that part of the common

denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have

the exact same problem or issue with calling back?



Would it be too much to ask that you at least

try a few different things that were outside of

your "natural" comfort zone of what you've always

done or what makes sense to you?



I don't think so... and you sound more than

open to it and have a positive attitude.



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 10:05pm (PST)

Hey,



Get ready to learn why most men don't call

women back, even when they seem interested and say

they're going to.



If you keep reading, you're going to learn...



WHY this happens.



WHAT it means.



And HOW to go about changing the situation so

that when a man says he's going to call, he means

it and won't be able to wait to see you again.



Here we go...

Let's get right to it.



Why do men not call when they say they're going

to?



Let's go over the possible reasons for this, as

I know how men's minds' often work.



There's a lot to learn from each, so let's see

which ones ring true for you...



And while you're reading each of these, see if

you can figure out what each one of these

situations has in common.



Why Men Don't Call: Situation #1



Some men are too immature to be honest and

straight-forward with a woman



Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving

themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even

though they never really thought they'd call.



But they get your number anyway to feel good

and to have it "just in case" they got some random

urge or reason to call you in the future.



Plus, getting a woman's number is a kind of

"trophy" to show to other immature men.



Why Men Don't Call: Situation #2



They were just looking for a hook-up and you

weren't "fling" material (which is a good thing,

unless that's all you're looking for).



Often times men think they just want a woman to

be "physical" with.



If you're out at a club or a bar and you meet a

man, often times he'll have "hooking up" on his

mind.



Duh, right!?



If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes,

you're the girl he'd bring home to mom, then you

might not be the girl he'll want to spend his time

with... at least for the near future.



But in spite of this, he takes your number, in

case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head

that he'd actually want a great girl for a real

relationship.



And guess what?



He doesn't come to that realization for a very

long time - so he doesn't call.



I'm not saying it makes sense, but that's how

some men operate.



And in a strange way, men who do this are doing

you a favor at that time in their life.



The timing wasn't right.



Why Men Don't Call: Situation #3



They thought they were being "polite" by

getting your number, even though they never felt

like calling



Have you ever given your number to a man who

asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading

his call and wishing inside that you had given him

a fake number?



Exactly...



And I know it sucks to think about this, but

have you ever thought that the tables could be

turned?



See... if men enjoy their conversations with

you but aren't that interested, they sometimes

feel a polite "obligation" to get your number.



It's a kind of way to end the interaction on a

positive note... even though they never really

thought about if they intended to call you.



I know it sucks, but men aren't often up front

and assertive either when it comes to the opposite

sex.



Why Men Don't Call: Situation #4



They were interested in you at first, but after

a little while they started to feel like something

was "off"... maybe even after they got your

number.



And while you were trying so hard to create

random reasons for you to see each other again and

to not have a guy get your number and not call

again, they could sense your subtle fear and

discomfort.



And so the attraction and connection they had

just started feeling with you changed and was

"broken."



Why Men Don't Call: Situation #5



They lost your number or forgot to call.



Ok, now let me ask you...



Did you figure out what each of these

situations has in common?



I'll give you a hint:



It has something to do with your feelings.



Give up?



There are 2 things actually.



First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do

with you being a "loser", like you mentioned.



See, the fascinating thing is that in each of

these situations, it's YOUR CHOICE to make the

MEANING out of them that you want.



Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you've

chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.



In other words, you've actually started to

criticize yourself and think even more negatively

because two guys didn't pick up the phone and

punch in your number.



Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing

up and feeling bad about your love life.



And worse, men can actually sense these things

when you meet them and will instantly categorize

you as a woman that they don't want to be around

if you've got that freaked out, negative, over-

attachment to the casual conversation you're

having with them.



Here's the second thing each of these

situations has in common...



Of the ones that don't involve men just being

weird or "unavailable" for more than a casual

fling, there's a common theme going on.



They weren't FEELING ATTRACTION.



See, there's something I don't think you see

you're doing here...



You seem to know about an important concept

when it comes to men - teasing and throwing in

certain kinds of "challenges" to attract their

interest and attention.



But... there's a huge difference between

KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING

them.



The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they

SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his

interest.



But when it comes to actually doing these

things in a fun, consistent, and exciting way,

they fall short.



Sunday, Dec 11, 2005 - 08:35pm (PST)

I'll be your dream

I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope I'll be your love

Be everything that you need

I'll love you more with every breath

Truly, madly, deeply do

I will be strong I will be faithful

'cause I'm counting on



A new beginning

A reason for living

A deeper meaning



I want to stand with you on the mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me



And when the stars are shining brightly in

the velvet sky,

I'll make a wish to send it to heaven

Then make you want to cry

The tears of joy for all the

pleasure in the certainty

That we're surrounded by the

comfort and protection of



The highest powers

In lonely hours

The tears devour you



I want to stand with you on the mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me



Oh can you see it baby?

You don't have to close your eyes

'Cause it's standing right here before you

All that you need will surely come



I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be

your fantasy

I'll be your hope I'll be your love

Be everything that you need

I'll love you more with every breath

Truly, madly, deeply do



I want to stand with you on the mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me



By Savage Garden

Another year has come and went :(

I have lost my beloved on Thurs. Sept. 29, 2005 and now here I am in a new year that I really don't care about nor even want. A new year to live in without my beloved and new year that I want to avoid so much. I don't welcome the new year in but instead wish I was back in 2005 to do over and to save my beloved from death. For those who are more welcoming of the new year I bid you good luck in all of what you wish and desire for.

This is all I can think of to say for now.



WhiteSnowWolf