The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I Was the Very Model of a Modern Major General.
09:25 Jul 13 2006
Times Read: 614

another classic from Ghoulbat & Sullivan



(as requested by Sahahria)



I was the very model of a modern major general.

I had a lot of info but my life was still ephemeral.

I liked to list in lilting lyrics lots of lore with levity,

But who can say if all that laughter lengthened my longevity?

I studied much of eons past and now I, too, am history.

I’ve capped off all my knowledge, now I’ve passed the final mystery.

I’ve read enough thick volumes to fill up Vienna’s Congress Hall

Ironic’ly it’s still a stupid worm at last that conquers all.



It doesn’t matter what you know, your life is still transitional

You may as well enjoy it while you’re not decompositional

I learned the truths eternal, but my life was still ephemeral

I was the very model of a modern major general.

Another Werewolf Song
00:41 Jul 13 2006
Times Read: 618


"Three Little Maids"

From the Ghoulbat & Sullivan operetta,

The Nosferatu

(or the town of Sishisoara)

(C)



Three little maidens all unwary

Wandered through a cemetery

There they met something big and hairy

Three little maids from school

Met a werewolvish ghoul!



One little maid was quite yum-yum

On her way to the beast’s tum-tum

Two little maids gave him heartburn,

Just what the monster earned!



Third little maid was scratched and scraped,

Beaten, battered, bruised and raped,

Somehow that poor little maid escaped,

Oh, but her fate was cruel….



Now at the peak of each lunation,

Under the full moon’s lumination

She becomes an abomination.

Now she’s a werewolf, too!

The Vampire and the Werewolf Should be Friends
00:33 Jul 13 2006
Times Read: 620

The Vampire and the Werewolf Should be Friends

From the Rigors & Hammerfilm musical, “Transylvania”

(c)



Oh, the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

Oh, the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

One goes out each night to prowl

The other likes a full moon howl,

But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends.



Supernatural folks should stick together

Supernatural folks should all be pals

Werewolves dance with the vampire ladies

Vampires dance with the werewolf gals.



(Werewolf)

I’d like to say a word for the werewolf

Each month he has a rough transformation

His muscles twist and crack

With a pain that beats the rack

(Vampire)

And he gets a smell that’s pure abomination!



(All)

But the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

Yes the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

One enjoys the midday sun

The other waits ‘til night for fun

But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends.



Supernatural folks should stick together

Supernatural folks should all be pals

Werewolves dance with the vampire ladies

Vampires dance with the werewolf gals.



(Vampire)

I’d like to say a word for the vampire

He lives on blood and needs to take it nightly

Discrete we hide from crosses

And the stake that makes our losses

(Werewolf)

And still they’re always acting high and mighty!



Oh, the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

Oh, the vampire and the werewolf should be friends

One flies batwings through the air

The other has a lot of hair.

But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends.



Supernatural folks should stick together

Supernatural folks should all be pals

Werewolves dance with the vampire ladies

Vampires dance with the werewolf gals.

Transylvania Polka
03:17 Jul 11 2006
Times Read: 623

Transylvania Polka

© 2005



Drag out your victims, it’s time to commence

The Transylvania Polka

Be sure to tell them our thirst is immense

The Transylvania Polka

They taste so much better when their pain is intense,

So say, “We’ll beat ya and we’ll cane ya!

“You’ll beg for death before we drain ya

“Doing the Polka from Transylvania.”



Hear them screaming!

How they moan and cry and carry on!

When their blood starts streaming

We can drink and drink until the last one’s gone

Mwa-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha!!!!

Try to make them last ‘til nearly dawn.

Then we’ll go and rest all day,

But at night we’re back to play,

To hunt and catch,

To dance and drink again.



Bring out the whips and the chains and the racks

The Transylvania Polka

The scalpels, the hammers, the hot melted wax,

The Transylvania Polka

We’ll shatter their toes and we’ll work up their backs,

Drive chisels through their crania

To satisfy our vicious mania,

Doing the polka from Transylvania!

Yes, We Hve Nosferatu!
18:54 Jul 08 2006
Times Read: 631

(tune: “Yes, We Have No Bananas”)



Yes, we have nosferatu!

We have nosferatu tonight!

We’ve never seen demons

Or heard banshees screamin’

But we’ve felt vampires bite.

There might be werewolves, but we’ve never seen ‘em.

And mummies are all in museums.

But yes, we have nosferatu!

We have nosfertu tonight!

Freshly Made Vampire
18:28 Jul 08 2006
Times Read: 633

(Tune: Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weenie, Yellow, Polka-dot Bikini)



He was afraid to come out of the graveyard

He was so petrified he was struck dumb

He was afraid to come out of the graveyard

Terrified of what he had become



One, Two, Three, Four, hungry for some blood and gore



He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire craving blood for the first time tonight

He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire overcome with confusion and fright



Five, Six, Seven, Eight, when will he exsanguinate?

.

He was afraid he might walk past a mirror

He was worried he wouldn’t reflect

He was afraid he might walk past a mirror

Then everyone else would detect



One, Two, Three, Four, hunger’s growing more and more.



He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire craving blood for the first time tonight

He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire overcome with confusion and fright



Five, Six, Seven, Eight. Hurry up it’s getting late!



He was afraid to fly into the heavens

He was too nervous to shift shape at all

He was afraid to fly into the heavens

He was terrified that he might fall



Vlad, Natasha, Igor Boris, everybody sing the chorus!



He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire craving blood for the first time tonight

He was a freshly drained and just expired,

But revivified vampire overcome with confusion and fright



From the tomb to the graveyard

To the Bats in the air

When he gets really hungry

Someone else will be scared

He’s a freshly made vampire

It's a Cruel, Cruel World
18:16 Jul 08 2006
Times Read: 637

This little gem has a droll tale, a few in fact, but not to be too overly verbose... Professional obligations forced me to endure a week in Disneyworld, the sappiest place on earth, an undenurable horror of commercialized pablum. As a colleague went shopping in one of the Disney stores I opted to escort her. (It's not something one should have to face alone!) We came upon some toys that would emit the most intolerably saccharine little song, so I piped up with my own lyrics



It’s a world of suff’ring, a world of pain

Where they’ll break your back and they’ll bash your brain.

You’ll be slapped, you’ll be kicked,

You’ll be sore, you’ll be sick.

It’s a cruel world after all.



It’s a cruel world after all.

It’s a cruel world after all.

It’s a cruel world after all.

It’s a cruel, cruel world!



An amazing thing happened. I saw the artificial, wooden smiles on the young storeclerks melt into genuine smiles of amusement. It was so incredibly like watching a statue come to life. I repeated the song a few times hoping they could learn the lyrics and use them as a private rebellion and spread the lyrics in a subterfuge to retain their souls in such numbing conditions. Well, one can hope... after all, "When you wish upon a bat, It don't matter what you're at...."

The Vampires’ Picnic
18:04 Jul 08 2006
Times Read: 640

The Vampires’ Picnic

(To the tune of "Teddy Bear's Picnic")





If you go out in the woods tonight

You’re making a big mistake.

If you go out in the woods tonight

Take with you a wooden stake,

A scythe, a hammer, some garlic, a cross

And lots of holy water because

Tonight is the night the vampires have their picnic!



It’s picnic night for the undead.

They’ll drink their fill

Of blood until

The river’s red.

Tonight’s the nosferatus’ feast

Whatever comes by

They’ll drink ‘til it’s dry

If man or beast.



They’ll swap their stunts at shifting shape

Telepathical seduction and jugular rape.

In this joyous vein they’ll play on.

Until the first deadly ray of dawn

When to their crypts they’ll all escape.



No, don’t go out in the woods tonight.

There’s better ways to get drunk.

No, don’t go out in the woods tonight.

You might come back in a trunk,

For if they catch you watching their merriment

You could end up in some grisly experiment.

This is the night the vampires have their picnic.