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He did it again. He knew what Jack's father did to me, all the lying and hiding things and secrets and still... why do guys feel the need to do the things they do? Do they just like to cause pain? Does he just like to see me cry? I told him when we first got together, I don't want to be with a guy who drinks without me, especially one who has cheated on his girlfriend before. He was with her over two years when he was at the army base in Gagetown and met a chick and "things just happened" and he ended up cheating. "But I didnt fuck her" is all he could say when I asked him about it. Ok. Well today is his birthday and he is in Gagetown at base and hasnt been home in two weeks so I know he is revved. Arent guys always? Horny bastards. He told me he wouldnt drink anymore away from home. I believed him. In September he went and got hammered with the guys as a end-of-the-course celebration. Lie much? He didnt even want to talk to me. Gave me a big fuck you talk to you tomorrow. I got mad and sunk into a depressive state. That night I went back to the apartment and got beyond trashed. I couldnt even stand. Later I forgave him because of what I had done being just as bad as what he had. Now today, he was going to email me or IM me to tell me a time to call him. Did he? What do you think? Right...nope. I called him at eight. He didn't want to talk. Said he didnt know he was supposed to message me even though we talked about it last night. I had to poke and prod him to find out what he was doing. After a while he said one of the guys bought him a case of beer. I said "you arent drinking are you?" really quietly and when he said I already had a few I didnt respond. He asked me are you mad at me for this? and sounded like he coujldnt believe I was mad at him. I told him I was letting him go and enjoy his fucking birthday. Does he not understand? I dont like liars and when someone lies to me they are out of my life for good. We are to be wed in just over a month but I refuse to marry a liar. If he wouldve mentioned it to me, I didnt see anything wrong with him having a few beers, especially on his birthday. But now I have a decision to make...



Do I go through with everything and hope it works out or give up and risk losing what could be?

COMMENTS

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XxLadyDarkRaynexX
02:55 Dec 11 2008

I have so been down this road...Scary just how close it is to mine. It always starts with the small lies. And then it gets so filed with so many webs they cant tell what the truth is any more. It's one of my biggest things . Don't lie to me I have had it up to here with liars. Well I would just look at it this way where do you see yourself in 5 years ? Having the same fights ?

hugs

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Veralidaine
01:51 May 14 2010

I went through with it. Some may see it as a failure where we separated in Feb of the next year... 20 months together and 13 married. I just see it as a stepping stone to where my true love lies. My outlook since leaving him has totally turned around. Even though I fight depression now, at least I can't say I didn't try... even though he apparently didn't. Re-reading these things over a year later, makes me wonder why I didn't turn tail and run back then. Then I ome to the conclusion that not only am I too stubborn to turn away from a challenge and not see it through to the end, but I truly loved him at the time. Too bad he doesn't realise exactly what he lost.

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