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I am trying to wrap my brain around the events this week that lead right up to this moment and I feel as if I am floating along in a kind of dream. Please, someone pinch me so I will wake up.



A door is opening up for me. I guess I should take the next step and actually walk through it. It has been 4 1/2 years since I have been in this position. This is not a new feeling for me. I have been here before. This is a scary place to be...mentally. You don't know where you will go or what you will end up doing and I am feeling very vulnerable to say the least.



I do not believe everything that was said to me tonight and I was not believed wholeheartedly either...so what was the point of having the conversation in the first place? Was there a point that needed to be proved? Did you actually think for a minute that I would beg or ask for forgiveness? Anyone who takes the time and gets to know me, knows that I don't do either. If I am wrong, I say I am wrong.



Am I to take full responsibility for everything that has gone wrong? No, I think not. You had your 20 minutes of glory and bashing me about what I tend to do wrong but, the whole time I was thinking how you are the biggest "pot calling the kettle black" that I had ever seen. I then had my 20 minutes of bashing you and I don't think anyone has ever pointed out your own faults. I gave you something to think about nonetheless.



I fought back tears but to no avail. They fell down my face anyway, blanketing it like dripping blood. My vulnerability on display to you. I have not cried like that in a very long time but you would not know that. I shut that part of me out from the world. I try to be strong and indifferent but some things are just too hard to fight back. You don't even care, when you see my face you think of dollar signs.



My last words for you.... "You are an asshole." Pure and simple.

COMMENTS

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MyArmyLife
22:38 Apr 14 2010

Do I even want to know what went down?

*shoulders rifle and searches for the magazine*

Alright.

*releases bolt*

Who am I aiming for?

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VenusFire
23:25 Apr 15 2010

Thanks Rachel! This was the day I got fired from my job. My boss was a total fucking dick and it was really no loss. I basically told him what an asshole he was. I was the only one who had the fucking balls to tell him. Seems funny to read this now after five months and the feelings haven't changed.





What an ass he is!

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