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I can feel my suppressed memories starting to surface, like a ticking time bomb in my head, I'm waiting for it to explode and drive me mad in the process.

I'm a little worried about what I will remember, I know I didn't handle the last memory very well, though it was the first time.

I am truly considering getting hypnotized just have it over with, instead of walking around everyday with what feels like a brick in my head, but I don't like the idea of having to deal with a flood of things I must of blocked out for a reason, I think I rather let them come back naturally, and I am hoping that my mind knows just how much I can handle at a time.

And I am also wondering if in the return of my memories I will loose the ability to forget things, I have always liked my Swiss Cheese mind, even though it has gotten me in trouble more than once.

It is funny to have piss someone off badly, and then the next time you see them wonder how they can possibly be so angry at you, or to have someone come up to you and have them know all this information about your life, and you not even remember meeting them before, at times I really do feel confussed and a bit bad when the person can clearly see that I don't remember them at all.

I guess time will tell!

Last week Gypsy took a pregnancy test, a week before her 14th birthday! She not pregnant, she never thought she was, but her best friend who she took the test with is, and this is the 2nd time this year.

I don't know why this news made me feel the way I did, Gypsy told me the day she took it, but it only now that I can write about it. I needed time to process it I guess.

I guess I was not that much older than Gypsy when I had her, and I saw a girl I went to school with and she it having her first child, and here I could be a grandmother. It blew me away!

But it also made me feel so sad for her friend!

Dad has cancer, its aggressive and malignant, we just found out.

He is being operated on in the next few days, then he starts chemo. :(

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Sinora
08:43 Nov 25 2008

I hope all goes well.

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My computer is being a shit!!

A hammer would go down so well just about now!

Hehehe....I'm not pissed at anyone or anything at the moment! This is new! :D

I would like to say my new place also leaks....I woke up not only to water dripping on my head but water running down the wall into the power point....I am starting to think my new place is shit!

WHATEVER!!!

It's funny, I was just joking to someone last night about just when you say "well things can't get much worse" they always do...



I think when you get to the stage when something bad happens and you are emotionless, it either means things are alot better or alot worse.



Actually I lie....I sat on the floor and laughed!



Maybe I'm just all cried out! I haven't cried as much as I have this week, and I hate crying!

My new place has spiders, and I don't mean little things, I mean huge ones that run, jump and attack you.

So I did what any normal person would do, I slept with the lights on! lol!

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
09:06 Nov 16 2008

There would be no spiders with me in the same room. Lights or no lights. NO spiders. LOL

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Nista
06:04 Nov 18 2008

Yeah...Motel 6.



They leave the lights on..and they will come running if you scream.



They will also clean up your pee if you get freaked that bad.





Motel 6=remedy for spider home invasion.

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My tooth is sore!

Hands up if you had someone come into your work today and ask if they could pay you in pot!

*raises hand*

Pot...the new form of currency though I am pretty sure the sign doesn't say "all cards and pot welcomed here"

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dabbler
07:38 Nov 14 2008

in Cali weed is indeed an option. Especially when we run out of gold bullion.

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He sold me out for $1000! *feels the love*

I hate that I have no real say.

I hate being pressured into doing something that I don't want to do.

I hate that I have to defend myself in what is supposed to be my home.

I hate people being able to hold something over my head.

I hate not being able to trust.

I hate going with out.

I hate being trapped.

I hate being held down.

I hate being hurt.

I hate that I have to fight this alone.

I hate having to be strong all the time.

And I hate that am this unhappy!

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Babaganoosh
09:48 Nov 13 2008

:(

*hugs*

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I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's casting shadows on the bumps I still have on the path before me, but it has also lit the ones I have already been over.

This morning I saw the most beautiful sight.

As I looked out the car window onto the city below, all I saw was swirling clouds below me, and I realized not only was I was sitting above the clouds, but some of them were softly moving around me, the silents was majestic, even the animals in the paddocks seem to stand in awe, except for the young horse, who's soft nays said it all....and I thought to myself, if I wasn't in the situation that I am in, I would of missed this, I looked at the houses around and they were still dark, the people inside didn't know the beauty that was unfolding out side their window.

Dads been taken to hospital, their pretty sure it's cancer. They are "making him comfortable".

Why are those 3 words more upsetting than anything else?

I've found myself sleeping in strange places over the last few weeks, and I never know where I am going to end up that night.

It's a little strange to not be in my own bed.

Cars are the worst, even if you start in the arms of your friend, you always end up squashed in some strange position, and when it is just you its lonely!

The shop is the second worse place, being locked in the arcade by yourself, hiding from the guards that come night and early morning, and for some strange reason I always need to cough while the morning guards are there.

And washing at the public showers at the beach sucks a little too.....no hot water!

But last night I was in a bed, not mine but beautiful none then less.

Hopefully this situation rights itself soon, til then it's the gypsy life for me.

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FearMeForever
11:44 Nov 03 2008

I can understand why the gypsy love's fredome. But the lonely time's have to suck.

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